# Glum day :(



## maryanne1986 (Apr 8, 2013)

Hey guys im having a tough day today ill tell you why (if you dont like sad things please exit now)

14 months ago today at 6:40pm i lost my dear mother (55) to bowl, spine and kidney cancer and i am really struggling with everything at the moment. My mother was my best friend, and if you imagine your best friend who you share everything with, whether it be your sole mate, your partner, your children or a close friend, in a nutshell someone you can share everything with and will never judge you, vanishing off the face off the earth its hard to stomach as some of you may possibly relate to. I am 26, single ( as i don't think it would be fair to land all these issues i have onto a partner at the moment) and am unable to express these to my younger brother who is (21) as he has his own life and also unable to talk my dad as hes struggling also (were together 41 years) and feel expressing myself in writing is the next best thing on here (there is something oddly comforting and safe about writing this all out on here) I have a vast group of friends from all aspects of my life but i feel as though i have taken advantage enough of their hospitality and patients talking about this all the time ... basically its very lonely in my own little world at the moment. I am not religious nor am i an atheist,
i basically believe that seeing is believing so i am not sure if i am able to respond well to the "shes looking down on you or shes with you all the the time" remarks, as much as i respect and appreciate them 

I do keep busy and the TT helps with me doing varies mods etc to it ... but there is only so much i can do to keep busy. Having finished uni (Counselling degree) i have a lot of spare time now until i find full time work so i dont think this helps matters, not to mention i have to graduate without the one person i want there more than anything  Having taken a counselling degree i know all of the stages of grief and loss etc and am aware that these things take time, i know that grief can be with you for many years and i know that because cancer is everywhere its like a brick being thrown in my face every time i hear the word or see a mother and daughter together anywhere, it breaks my heart.

Cancer is Evil and does not only affect the person suffering but rips a family to pieces 
Im writing this on here as im just wondering if and how others have coped in similar situations, ill take into consideration anything people say but i just wanted to vent this because it is lonely and needed to share this with someone, even if only 1 person reads it

Sorry for the depressing thread but i find it easier writing feelings down than expressing them in person x


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## tonksy26 (Jan 31, 2011)

Sorry to hear the loss. I've never lost anyone to cancer so I might not be to much help but as you said try and keep busy to keep your mind off things. Also id advise to keep talking to your friends about as much as you feel the need to. You shouldn't go through grief alone and they should understand that and talk as much or little as possible to you as you like. Its can imagine its hard to see at the moment but it will get easier to deal with over time. in the mean time try to think about all the positive attributes of your mother and all the happy times you spent together. You've got to remember you certainly not alone and MANY MANY people are going through the same situation and there are people out there to help.


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## mighTy Tee (Jul 10, 2002)

I was 16 when my mom was diagnosed, and 26 when she lost her brave fight. Nearly 25 years on I still hate the C word.

However I am sure your mother would not want you to morn her death, but celebrate her life. Lead your life to the full knowing she would approve of your actions and is watching over you keeping you safe. That's is what she would want.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Kiddo, we have spoken in many pm's about this subject and so we both know how we feel about it. i can only try to advise from how i cope each year having lost both parents one to cancer and one to heart disease before i was 24!!!

i survive by asking myself what would they do in any given situation: my mothers soft hearted nature catches me out when hard luck stories come along and has cost me financially. my fathers hard arsed logical approach to problem solving and working ethics keeps me going in business and ensuring that by 40 years of age i was financially free of all debts in life including a mortgage.

christmas is the time i hate it the most when people tell me they are going to their parents this year and i can hardly even remember mums voice or her laugh. so i am sorry you feel this way and that your dad is still mourning his loss babes.
(big cuddle from me to you) Gazz xx


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Not really sure why this is in the Flame Room to be honest.

I lost my Mum to cancer 3 days before my wedding and on the night of my stag party. Needless to say the stag was cancelled but the wedding had already been brought forward in an attempt to allow my Mum to see it. We were due to get married in Arizona.

You have my utmost sympathies. To be so close to someone and then have them cruelly taken from you is one of life's great unfairnesses. But something positive will come of it although you may not notice at the time.


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

Losing a member of your family is always hard no matter how old you are at the time or how old they were. Everyone grieves for loved ones and the length of time the grieving process takes is a personal matter. You need to focus on something in the future and live for the moment, not live in the past.

There will always be reminders of family members who have died occurring but with time these tend to become easier to cope with.

Keep smiling and look forwards to happy times.


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## IC_HOTT (May 29, 2010)

Feel for you.

My mum went at 57, bowel cancer, and now I am 59 I realise even more than then how young she really was :?

Nothing but time and friends will help, but it will ease, do what your mum would want, be happy, enjoy your life and don't let it spoil any of your plans for your own life, you deserve it I'm sure :wink:


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## NoMark (Jul 6, 2011)

You have my utmost sympathies.

I lost my sister to this cruel disease 3 years ago, she had just "celebrated" her 60th birthday.

She was a wonderful, bright, intelligent and positive woman who did not deserve the hand she was dealt. I still get emotional now when I think about her and remember what a wonderful, kind person she was.

However, as others have already stated, the last thing she would have wanted was for people to grieve for her. I'm sure your mother would have felt the same.

Rest assured you have the sympathy of all of us here.

Chin up.

Mark.


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## Fab 4 TT (Sep 28, 2004)

Maryanne, thank you for taking the time to post this. I literally shit myself at the mere sound of the C word.

If it's any consolation, I set up a standing order with the cancer research trust after reading your post.

http://support.cancerresearchuk.org/support-us/donate


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

PM sent


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## maryanne1986 (Apr 8, 2013)

Fab 4 TT said:


> Maryanne, thank you for taking the time to post this. I literally shit myself at the mere sound of the C word.
> 
> If it's any consolation, I set up a standing order with the cancer research trust after reading your post.
> 
> http://support.cancerresearchuk.org/support-us/donate


thank you 
i give to charity all the time as i know how it feels to have a family ripped apart by it when treatment does not work 

i appreciate all of the comments guys thanks its horrible being so low in my own little world  still early days though 
And i posted this in the flame room as it is a chance to vent for me and off topic seemed inappropriate in a nutshell

I replied Dani x


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

maryanne1986 said:


> I replied Dani x


Re replied :-*


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## Adam-tt (Apr 3, 2010)

I lost my dad last November to cancer one of the most difficult things I have ever had to go through, can definitely relate to the things you have said

Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk 2


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## D4n91 (Apr 9, 2013)

Sorry to hear....I lost my mum to cancer 10 years ago when I was 12 and its a horrible feeling you will always carry with you.....as you will never forget but you will come to terms with it in time. When down I just think she wouldn't want to see me like it and its one of those things in life that happens and we just have to do our best to carry on......chin up eh


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

brother rang me last night asking if i could go pick up some chop saw for him a guy was selling on ebay......asked what he wanted it for and yadda yadda i have an e-mail all about a recumbent cycle he is looking to make and after some off cuts. i had a quick scan of the mail and attachment and yep yep aha np's i have that etc......so i agree with him that i can produce virtually all he was after and will send down additional materials for him to make the other parts in situ. reason for this post is that i forwarded the mail to work to sort a cutting list out and leah my daughter was going through mails and said Dad is danny ok?
what you on about kid i asked? his possible cancer she said!!! WTF eh what you on about babe? here in his mail she said.

buried after the included info for the materials is a foot note that he never brought up or mentioned that he has possible tumours in his pecs and is going in to have day surgery for biopsies to be done. so as soon as i have posted this i will be on the phone to him and BOLLOCK THE FUCK OUT OF HIM for not telling me and hiding it withing a bloody e-mail.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

I'm sorry to read this Gazzer! More bad news after your friend took his own life not too long ago :?

I hope your brother will beat any possible cancer scare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

Gaz, whatever the outcome of the biopsies a positive mental attitude is an essential element of beating the 'C". I must admit I did not tell anyone when I was diagnosed, it was my better half who informed the rest of the family.

Hope everything turns out ok for your brother.


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## Audiphil (Oct 23, 2012)

I feel for you, this dreadful disease brings so much pain to wonderful people.

Pnil


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Awkward cheers guys n gals for the words, it deepens however. Got home from work on Father's Day fully expecting to enjoy a nice roast beef dinner to see a room full of glum faces. Ok what's up with you lot? 
My last aunt silvia 91 had been diagnosed with cancer the Friday before and died a week later [smiley=bigcry.gif] 
Her only daughter will be losing her home due to this so struggled to cope so I have organised the funeral that is booked for Southend crematorium next Friday 10 am.


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## Audiphil (Oct 23, 2012)

Hope you find peace with this Gaz.

Pnil


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

I feel for you and your family Gary! By the sound of it you have a lovely close-knit family and I wish for all of you that you can support each other through the bad times.
Remember also that there is always sunshine after rain :-*


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Audiphil said:


> Hope you find peace with this Gaz.
> 
> Pnil


Phil I have been a bit stressed over it but am one of the pall bearers as my thank you to her life.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

A3DFU said:


> I feel for you and your family Gary! By the sound of it you have a lovely close-knit family and I wish for all of you that you can support each other through the bad times.
> Remember also that there is always sunshine after rain :-*


We are Dani tbh babes, birthday yesterday so I have put 1k on the table for next years 50th bash. As a family we seem to have the cancer gene and once in it hits hard. Am taking my brother and his wife out for dinner next Thursday while I am down in Essex as we haven't socialised for a year or so. Chrissie my cousin doesn't fancy meeting up until the funeral day and I understand that she feels she shouldn't be out enjoying life with what is going on.


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## Audiphil (Oct 23, 2012)

I recently had the honour to be a bearer for my Brother in Law, there is not many things that bring me to tears but that did, six months later it brings a smile.
My thoughts are with you, Gaz.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Audiphil said:


> I recently had the honour to be a bearer for my Brother in Law, there is not many things that bring me to tears but that did, six months later it brings a smile.
> My thoughts are with you, Gaz.


Did it for mother inlaw Phil when the nephews started to droop on the responsibility so is ok and yes it is emotional but inside....you have to do the job in hand to ensure she is given her correct send off m8.
Then cry like a baby in a corner somewhere and pray for each one you have help bury in life


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