# A Ronnie Barker classic...



## rustyintegrale

As it's close to Christmas and the Two Ronnies was ever-present when I was growing up, I thought I'd post this again...

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters...

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying posspits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse overollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.

The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.

When this went out on BBC TV they had zero complaints - ZERO!


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## mikeat45

buckin' frilliant !!!!


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## jamesytt

That would be an optional extra i would love to see on XP :lol:


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## Charlie

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Charlie


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## YELLOW_TT

I can remembet Ronnie B boing thes scetch on the 2 Ronnies it was Bucking Frillient


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## John-H

Sorry to dissappoint but it's an urban myth - the original was far tamer :


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## rustyintegrale

John-H said:


> Sorry to dissappoint but it's an urban myth - the original was far tamer :


That might be the broadcast edit, but you can bet your life the uncut version is lurking on video tape somewhere and brought out for BBC internal 'parties'!


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## Kell

I bet it's not as I'm pretty sure that Archie Campbell did it, and not Ronnie Barker:


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## rustyintegrale

Kell said:


> I bet it's not as I'm pretty sure that Archie Campbell did it, and not Ronnie Barker:


Strange. All the comments with this seem to credit Ronnie Barker and this is the correct script... [smiley=gossip.gif]


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## John-H

There are a lot of references to Ronnie Barker but tellingly you won't find a recording of him doing it. It's a bit like the urban myth that Captain Pugwash had a "Seaman Staines", "Master Bates" and "Roger the cabin boy" in his crew - he never did - it's funny but many people swear they remember this to be the case :roll:. When I first heard it I thoought it was true too. But...

His crew were cabin boy Tom, pirates Willy and Barnabas, and Master Mate. His mortal enemy is Cut-Throat Jake, captain of the Flying Dustman.

But you know how people like to embellish 

John Ryan, the creator of Captain Pugwash, successfully sued both the Sunday Correspondent and The Guardian newspapers in 1991 for printing this as fact. So be careful what you say :wink:


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## rustyintegrale

John-H said:


> So be careful what you say :wink:


Aye, aye captain... :lol:


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## Kell

rustyintegrale said:


> Kell said:
> 
> 
> 
> I bet it's not as I'm pretty sure that Archie Campbell did it, and not Ronnie Barker:
> 
> 
> 
> Strange. All the comments with this seem to credit Ronnie Barker and this is the correct script... [smiley=gossip.gif]
Click to expand...

Oh that's right, everything on the internet is fact. ;-)

I'd like to think that while the Two Ronnies were often risque, they were never actually rude. And while I have no real 'evidence' to the contrary, I don't believe that RB was ever the originator of the script.

Here's the Wiki entry for Archie Campbell:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archie_Campbell


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## rustyintegrale

Kell said:


> Oh that's right, everything on the internet is fact. ;-)


 :lol: :lol: :lol: 
Yeah I know... :wink:

There are several references to this being a Ronnie Barker script and likewise there are a lot saying it's an urban myth. I'd like to think it was a Ronnie sketch as it's something I believe he'd have done if he could get away with it!

Cheers

Rich


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## peter-ss

John-H said:


> Sorry to dissappoint but it's an urban myth - the original was far tamer :


 :lol:


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