# Piss poor roads and crap cars



## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

Brasil, I've lived in this poxy country for nearly 2 years and I have never seen a TT. Â Not once. Â In fact, the poor standard of cars here is only beaten by the truly piss poor roads. Â Not kidding, a pothole (bomb crater) at the end of my condo was completed recently with a little VW waving its arse in the air as its front wheels had entirely disappeared into the hole. Â I can only imagine how god awful it would be to drive these roads with something that has sports suspension. Â I drive a Passat here and you have to concentrate and keep the muscles rigid in the arm to adjust the stereo as your bloody hands are bounced all of the shop. Â DonÂ´t ever moan about UK roads till you tried other places (and I've heard Indonesia is worse than here - god help them all). Â They sell a VW Gol here. Â Based on old Polo chassis I think. Â That car has nothing in it. Â I mean its lucky you get a seat and steering wheel. Â No power steering, no central locking, no heater would you believe (theres no matrix and no red blue mixer button, just a fan with slow fast settings). Â I've seen Techincs Lego cars with more features ffs. Â Can't wait to get back to civilisation and into a TT with leather and buttons for this and that and ABS and all these other "NASA space age" developments. Â

Backwards bloody country. grrrrrrrr


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

...And yet paradoxically forwards women.


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## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

Being married I can't comment but my single friend here can part legs easier than Moses parted water. Their knees become like same pole magnets as soon as they identify a rich (locally speaking) ******. But I tell you, their skin can be like the surface of the moon and their voices so high pitch and whiney it can make a deaf man cringe! The price you pay for an amazing body eh!?!


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

> The price you pay for an amazing body eh!?!


How much exactly? (in cold, hard cash....)


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## Dr_Parmar (May 10, 2002)

waiting for answer too ;D


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## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

Well there is a local place called the Greenhouse where you can, you know, exchange readies for services rendered. Anyhows, I know this as a taxi driver uses them and its about 50 Reais which in English right now is less than a tenner. Not bad for a life long itch is it!


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## PaulS (Jun 15, 2002)

I love hearing about these distant countries and their weird customs. I have an acquaintance from Venezuela who casually described the motoring laws to me - a driving licence is optional, drinking and driving is perfectly ok as long as you have enough cash to bribe you way out of any problem, and as for vehicle road worthyness, the only requirements are that the the car can move forward under it's own power, and most important, you must have a working horn!! I wonder why Â :

BTW - If you're into this sort of thing - an excellent read - Fieldings "The Worlds Most Dangerous Places" Â


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## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

Brasil is a tad more advanced than some other South American countries, but it too has no MOT or similar (though the police can charge you if its in a dangerous condition), speeding fines are horrendous compared to average wage (min monthly wage 240 reais or soon will be and my wife got fined 590 reais for doing about 47 in a 40 zone - pure revenue building). The hassle in buying a car is matched by no other experiance I know - house buying is easier, police can be bribed for 50 reais (same as the hookers funnily enough, you pay one to screw you and one not to screw you). The list goes on. Bloody place, be glad to leave in April and thats a fact. Been itching for a TT for ages now.


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## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

Oh I nearly forgot. They do have a written and pracitcal driving exam here, but I have seen learner cars (company ones, not dad and his son) reversing up dual carrigeways as the learner missed the junction, not stopping at stop signs, going 270 degrees round a roundabout and never indicating, cutting through lanes of traffic etc etc and their the learners FFS. Oh and you don't stop at red lights unless its a really busy junction and never go on green. You have to wait a bit for the people who only stop at busy junctions to pass through!


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## Guy (May 13, 2002)

> I love hearing about these distant countries and their weird customs. I have an acquaintance from Venezuela who casually described the motoring laws to me - a driving licence is optional, drinking and driving is perfectly ok as long as you have enough cash to bribe you way out of any problem, and as for vehicle road worthyness, the only requirements are that the the car can move forward under it's own power, and most important, you must have a working horn!! I wonder why


Try a change of continent and go to South Africa. There is a Police Station just south of Jo'berg that hires private armed guards to look after it at night time! 
My sister has electrified wire on top of 8ft concrete panels round her town house and 'burglar bars' on all windows and doors. The alarm has a gang of armed Security Guards coming round if it goes off. The house was still broken into. She even had the brass numbers for the house torn from the outside wall!
We moan about having out metal tyre valve caps pinched (well I do)!

I won't go on about the traffic laws other than repeat the first question the Police Officer asked my nephew when he was stopped for speeding about 1.30am, "How many Rand have you got in your pockets?"


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## pas_55 (May 9, 2002)

Sounds a bit like Liverpool well apart from the women are all dogs.


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## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

There is a local toll road here called the Ayrton Senna. I always use this to go to the Sao Paulo airport as its quicker and less congested than the main motorway (if you could call it that). anyhow, a guy coming back from there came out of one of the long tunnels and got a puncture. On stopping the car and trying to change the tyre he was attacked by 4 youths. After getting a bit too brave they ran off (lucky for him) and he dumped everything in the boot and drove to the next toll station, wrecking the wheel and tyre on the way. A reply to this was sent and goes like this -

I cant buy it that the boys were just hanging out and by chance decided to attack whatever car pulled over. It is not "possible", it is "highly probable". It is also likely that the police can and would be willing to tell you of related incidents for that same night. This is not at all incommon, it is a scam that is well known. Sometimes the criminals will drop a rock (large rock) from the overpass. This has killed outright several motorists. Then the guys dont have anything to fear. Sometimes it kills the passenger. Sometimes the criminals will beat you to death after your disabled car is stopped.

So, in combination with knowing two other people robbed of their car at gunpoint (1 Rio, 1 SP), one biker who, after giving no resitance to the demand for his sports bike, was shot in the leg running away, knowing a taxi driver who was shot dead for 300 quid, I'd safely say Brasil ain't no picnic either. We honestly don't know how lucky we are to live in the UK (well I know and I'll be glad to be back soon)


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## pas_55 (May 9, 2002)

Hey the Ayrton Senna that's not the one with with the bad right-hander bend in it is it(bit like Tamberella)!!!!!!!!


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## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

Terrible road, littered with smashed up Mclarens!


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## vlastan (May 6, 2002)

> but my single friend here can part legs easier than Moses parted water. Â Their knees become like same pole magnets as soon as they identify a rich (locally speaking) ******. Â But I tell you, their skin can be like the surface of the moon and their voices so high pitch and whiney it can make a deaf man cringe! Â The price you pay for an amazing body eh!?!


...sounds like a cool place to be...the lost Eden perhaps!! LOL Â ;D ;D


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