# HALFRAUDS!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!



## neil.knapp (Sep 27, 2009)

I've never found the service at Halfords to be great but it's always been good enough - tonight however utterly takes the piss!

I've been refurbishing one of my alloys and i'm about to start painting it, I needed some tack cloths so I headed onto the Halfords website and checked to see if they sell them - YES - great! Are they in stock at my local Halfords? YES! - Excellent, it's only 7:30 and they're open for another half an hour so I can nip off quickly and buy some then start painting my wheel tonight ready for laquering tomorrow - perfect!!

That is by far the smoothest part of this whole purchase.

I make my way to Halfords, walk in and head for the paint section searching for the "U-Pol Maximum Tack Cloths" the website says are instock. I have a good look around the whole paint section and find nothing, I move into the detergents section and look around the shammy leathers and other cloths, maybe it's with those. Nothing.

I finally give up and ask for help from one of the assistants, something I normally don't bother doing in any store. I ask him if he knows where the tack cloths are.... a slightly glazed over and blank stare greets me.

He heads off in the direction of the cloths and I casually mention what a tack cloth is used for. Wiser with his new found knowledge we head off to the paint section and start searching the bits i've just covered. None the less, he looks diligently and tries his best. Eventually another member of staff walks past - it's 7:30 on a Friday and they're not at their most productive so he strikes up a conversation with the other guy and shortly asks what we're looking for.

Once again, I explain i'm looking for U-Pol tack cloths - they're used for removing dirt and particles prior to painting don't you know.

I've now got two of Halfords best and brightest looking for my tack cloths. The website says they're in stock and I want this wheel painting tonight and i'm pretty sure Tesco don't sell tack cloths!

I've already searched the aisles so am stood around waiting for these two to have a moment of divine inspiration and locate some tack cloths, but eventually I give in and start looking that little bit harder. I walk to the end of the aisle and there are 2 packs of tack cloths tucked away - great! Just walk to the till and pay then i'm done and on my way to alloy painting ecstasy (sort of).

I've not purchased these before so am slightly ignorant as to exactly what I should have in my hand, even though I tried to memorise the picture on the website. None the less, I have 2 packets in my hand.

When I get to the till (the other side please) I am helpfully told that these normally come in packs of 10 and i've only got 2. Oh. I thought they were a bit light. "ok, what does that mean?" I ask inquisitively. "It means you'll be spending less than you thought". touché.

Having walked to the other side of the till to be greeted by a 10 year old (wtf????!?!? not a metaphor, an actual 10 year old is now serving me) we now begin the game of searching through Halfords database of products so they can give me the appropriate price reduction.

There are 3 people at the till, a 10 year old (WTF!?) a 60+ year old woman who looks glad to have made it past 7pm for another Friday and a very well meaning, helpful girl who can't get these other two doing what they should be!

Here begins the search!

Helpful girl types in "upol" and does a search. 2 items come up, half used boxes of tack cloths aren't listed.

She suggests that one of the others do a search for "u-pol" (with the hyphen you see!)

The 10 year old leaps in to action and starts tapping away at Halfords point of sale system - you'd think it was designed to be easy enough for a 10 year old to use given the general IQ of Halfords workers, but you'd be wrong!

He starts typing - slowly - and struggles to find the dash ( - )

At this point i'm thinking I should just walk out and either face palm or repeatidly accelerate my face into the parking bollards outside until I lose consciousness and hopefully all memory of what's happened so far - but no - my desire to paint my wheel tonight is strong, I can endure this.

They eventually manage to type "u-pol" into the system (their training paid off!) and it lists lots and lots of items. I'm reasonably IT literate, I work with computers for a living and being familiar with windows I can see (as a humble customer) that there are lots more items a little further down the list and a touch of gentle scrolling action is required. The 10 year old (WTF?!?!?) - can't... [smiley=bigcry.gif]

Helpful girl chimes in and suggests that he just needs to scroll down a bit - I'm holding back from just taking the controls over and doing it myself, this is starting to become entertaining and i'm sure it'll give me a good story to tell.

The 10 year old (WTF!?!?!?) knows what he needs to do, he's a 10 year old (WTF?!?!?!) on a mission, he starts poking at that touch screen with the arrow pointing downwards. Now, he's either short sighted, comes from a fairly limited genepool OR that touch screen isn't quiet aligned properly so when his 10 year old fingers (WTF?!?!?!) press the arrow, the mouse cursor is just a LITTLE bit to the side. Thoughts of headbutting a bollard start flooding back but I resist, i'm now determined to walk out of this store with my 2 tack cloths!

The 10 year old (WTF!?!?!?!) eventually finds his fingers, uncrosses his eyes and squares up on the downward arrow - we're making progress, the list scrolls down to reveal...... they're not bloody listed! [smiley=bomb.gif]

Helpful girl can clearly see that i'm not fine and dandy right now so she jogs off to go and look at the stock code on the label and is back in no time being helpful. She reads the code out, 193 133 - super, tack cloths here we come.

"Code not recognised".



Helpful girls powers of memorisation are clearly lacking, "oh maybe it was 139 133" she says with a glint of hope and excitement - her hope spurs me on to dream that this is nearing an end! It's not.

After two goes with two different codes I volunteer to go and read the code myself, "I'll go and get the code" I selflessly proclaim! Off I stride to go and memorise a 6 character number - it's still engrained 1 hour later! I stride back and as clearly and slowly as I can to make sure this sticks and doesn't go wrong I say the words "1 - 9 - 3 - 1 - 1 - 3".

10 year old (WTF?!?!?!) kicks in to action and keys in the code - EUREKA! - i'm a modern day genius and now qualified to be a Halfords store manager.

6 digits later and my items are in Halfords electronic shopping basket thing - great.

Now we come to the messy and awkward business of price! 

How much do you charge a patient customer that's been helping you out of your own hole when you don't have the item in stock that apparently you do, all the while patient customer has been ignoring the fact he's being served by a 10 year old (WTF?!?!?!) at 7:30pm on a Friday. Don't you have bottles of white lightning to be drinking like the rest of the local youth?

After a bit of discussion amongst themselves I suggest that "as there's 2 and they come in packs of 10 then a 5th of the price seems fair". 60+ year old womans brain goes into overdrive as her eyes and face go dead and all bodily function and brain power is put into action working out the mathematical aspect and logic of what i've just said.

At £4.99 for a pack of 10 (lets say £5 for simplicity sake) then 1/5th is around, oh.... £4.99 times the number of cloths, divided by no box plus Friday factor and multiple other variables.

Out comes the calculator!

"Just divide it by 5" says helpful girl - a moment of pure genius if I do say so myself!

After a few pokes and clicks of a calculator 10 year old (WTF?!?!?!) exclaims "Oh, it's only a pand" (what's a pand?)

Having translated his colloquial (and frankly charming) accent into English I put a £2 coin down on the counter.

60+ woman taps away at the "Alter price" option but is overthrown when it asks for a supervisor code!

She types in a long code at surprising speed and is then asked for a password - at this point i'm expecting her to break out a small linux based computer and starting hacking the system like Trinity out of the Matrix but instead she presses cancel and calls helpful girl.

Helpful girl is, as always, helpful. She types in her code and the alter price function becomes available.

10 year old (WTF!?!!?) starts typing in the altered price but doesn't realise that my £2 coin requires 2 0's and not one, currently i've only paid 20 pence. 60+ corrects him and we're on our way.

My £2 is registered, my £1.01 change is issued and i've got a receipt + 2 tack cloths - i'm a happy happy man!

I say "Thank you" because I feel I ought to rather than have a monumental moan about what the bloody hell I've just had to experience and leave the store. I won! It took about 15 minutes just to buy some tack cloths but i'm the better man and my wheel project can commence! Hooray Halfords! Bully for you!

Thus ends my Halfords saga. I thought i'd share it with you as it's a tale of woe and excitement and i'm sure everyone here has an opinion on our beloved motoring accessories supplier.

I've now wasted most of my evening typing up this story rather than painting my wheel but I think this story is ultimately more satisfying than a beautifully painted alloy. I'll have to do it tomorrow now... I could have gone to the other Halfords then. :? oh well!

Enjoy!


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## BLinky (Jul 3, 2009)

you're godly.


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Fantastic story :lol: . Truely made me laugh as I was picturing the scene reading it :lol: . I bet you would have got those tack clothes in Homebase after all that saga  :wink:


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## smurfeTTe (Jul 3, 2010)

I thought things like that only happened to me!

I wonder what the exact ratio of muppets : competent staff is at every Halfords store - I'm sure it must higher than 2:1 :?


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## Ady. (Oct 25, 2009)

Youve got a thing for the "Helpful girl " aint ya :lol: :lol: :lol:

Good story mate made me smile 8)


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## fishface (Nov 25, 2006)

Now I like this neil.knapp rant, but I also like Scooby TT's rants but which is best..........there's only one way to find out ....... F I G H T :lol:


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## corradoman (Sep 11, 2010)

Cheered me up :lol: Our local halfords is full of 10 yr olds too, its always an education going there


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## bigsyd (Jul 9, 2008)

Brilliant read, I just wish that I could compose something like this

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## jamietd (Aug 25, 2010)

Enjoyed reading it but not sure If I could get annoyed enough about that to type an essay on the internet about it


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## wallstreet (Oct 19, 2009)

Hilarious glad it happens to everyone8)

You have too much time to write this essay.

A few years ago I did the same with spare alloys. I found that year 1 the alloys looked great, but by year 2-3 they dulled a lot. Nothing beats powder coating.

Good luck mate!


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## boxsterman (Dec 22, 2008)

You should send this to Halfords Head office. its ridiculous but also made me laugh out loud, brilliant :lol:


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## richieshore (May 17, 2010)

fishface said:


> Now I like this neil.knapp rant, but I also like Scooby TT's rants but which is best..........there's only one way to find out ....... F I G H T :lol:


+1!

Ha ha ha, well funny!


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## Widget (May 7, 2002)

bigsyd said:


> I just wish that I could compose something like this


You can, eveyone's allowed.


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## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

a link to my own thoughts www.whogivesatoss.com


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## roddy (Dec 25, 2008)

boxsterman said:


> You should send this to Halfords Head office. its ridiculous but also made me laugh out loud, brilliant :lol:


they prob wouldn't see the funny side !!!!,,, wait a mo,, is there one ??? :?


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

roddy said:


> boxsterman said:
> 
> 
> > You should send this to Halfords Head office. its ridiculous but also made me laugh out loud, brilliant :lol:
> ...


There certainly is! I've got the address right here:

Halfrauds Ltd
Number 4
The Seven Gates of Hell


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## Guest (Oct 23, 2010)

Awesome read


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

Thoroughly enjoyed reading that, I have experienced similar dullards in Halfrauds more than once. I am sure there are some people who work there with an IQ over 50, I have yet to encounter one though 

Charlie


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## audimad (Jan 7, 2008)

Why didn't you reserve them online?


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

OH come on, do you really think the staff would have found them? They didn't even know what they were :lol: :lol:


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## audimad (Jan 7, 2008)

ScoobyTT said:


> OH come on, do you really think the staff would have found them? They didn't even know what they were :lol: :lol:


Yes i do.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

Fair enough then


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## antmanb (Jun 10, 2010)

Excellent rant there!

I think sometimes getting this all down to the amusement of others is the best Catharsis and almost redeems the situation.

(note the _almost_!)

I reckon definitely send it to Head office.

Ant


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## wallstreet (Oct 19, 2009)

antmanb said:


> Excellent rant there!
> 
> I think sometimes getting this all down to the amusement of others is the best Catharsis and almost redeems the situation.
> 
> ...


YES Send it to Head office!!!


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## antmanb (Jun 10, 2010)

It makes it funnier. I have no idea if that NTL letter of complaint that did the rounds 10 years ago was really sent to NTL, but it was the funniest thing I'd ever read....and it makes it that little bit funnier thinking that someone at NTL actually read it.

Ant


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