# Pearly Gates



## essexalan (Feb 7, 2008)

A coachload of nuns crashes on the way to Lourdes. Everyone is killed and they all find themselves hanging around outside the pearly gates (except the driver- he went to hell for being Welsh).

Along comes St Peter with a clipboard and young Michael in tow. 
"Ok ladies," says he "i realise you've all lead quite blameless, holy lives in the pursuit of the glory of the Lord our God, so this should just be a formality. But if you could all form an orderly queue, i need to ask each of you a question."

The nuns dutifully line up, and sister Agnes is first at the gates. 
"Ok sister Agnes." soothes St Paul "Before you can enter the kingdom of God, i need to know one thing. Have you ever been in contact with a man's penis?" 
"Oh no," replies sister Agnes, somewhat taken aback "but i did once see one when i worked in a hospital." 
"That's fine, no problem." assures St Peter. On you go in now, just rinse your eyes with the holy water in that font first please." 
Sister Agnes does so, and enters into the splendour of the Lord's bosom.

Next in line is sister Mary. Once again St Peter delicately poses his question. 
"Sister Mary," he asks "before you can enter the Kingdom of God, i need to know one thing. Have you ever been in contact with a man's penis?" 
"Well," replies sister Mary, coyly "when i was a teenage girl, before i came to know the Lord our God, i had a boyfriend. He liked me to sometimes touch his penis." 
"Oh don't worry yourself my dear woman." calms St Paul "That's entirely natural. On you go into Paradise, but wash your hands in the holy water in the font first please." 
Relieved, sister Mary washes her delicate hands and enters, wide eyed, into the glory of the Kingdom of God.

All of a sudden there is a terrible commotion at the back of the line. St Peter looks up to see one of the nuns jostling and pushing her way to the head of the queue. 
"Sister Gwendolyn!" he says, raising a hand. "There's no need for this. This will only take a moment, and then you have all eternity to enjoy your rewards in Paradise!"

"I know!" protests sister Gwendolyn, looking alarmed "But if i've got to gargle that holy water i want to do it before sister Morag sticks her arse in it!"


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## CH_Peter (May 16, 2002)

I've opened the thread to 1994. :roll:


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## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

:?


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## gt russell (Nov 27, 2005)

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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