# Groany oldies



## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

> > >A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a
> > >substitute for women."
> > >
> > >"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.
> > >
> > >The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck
> > >of the bottle."
> > >
> > >*********
> > >
> > >A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that
> > >her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't
> > >sure it was such a good idea.
> > >
> > >The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
> > >
> > >She said that she did.
> > >
> > >He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
> > >
> > >She said no.
> > >
> > >The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you
> > >shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you
> > >take care not to get pregnant."
> > >
> > >The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal
> > >sex?"
> > >
> > >The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come
> > >from?"
> > >
> > >*********
> > >A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen
> > >better times.
> > >
> > >He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but
> > >you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out. You
> > >only have 30 erections left in your penis."
> > >
> > >The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at
> > >the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his
> > >problem.
> > >
> > >He tells her what the doc told him.
> > >
> > >She says, "Oh no! Only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that! We should
> > >make a list!"
> > >
> > >He replies, "I already made a list on the way home, and I'm afraid
> > >you're name isn't on it."
> > >
> > >*********
> > >
> > >An elderly couple are sitting around one evening and the man says
> > >to wife,
> > >"Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.
> > >We've had
> > >a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But
> > >there's
> > >something I've always wondered about. Tell me the truth. Have you
> > >ever been
> > >unfaithful to me?
> > >
> > >She hesitates a moment, then says, "Yes, 3 times, Sidney." "Three
> > >times?
> > >How could that happen?" Sidney asks. The wife begins recalling
> > >slowly,
> > >"Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so
> > >broke,
> > >and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?"
> > >"Yes, dear, that was really a terrible time" replies the man.
> > >Marsha
> > >continued,
> > >"And remember when I went to see the banker one night and the next
> > >day the
> > >bank extended our loan?" "That's hard to take" the man says, "but
> > >I guess
> > >it really was for us, so I can forgive you."
> > >
> > >"What was the second time?" "Well," she continued, "do you
> > >remember years
> > >later when you almost died from the heart problem because we
> > >couldn't
> > >afford the operation?" "Yes, of course" the man replies. "Then
> > >you will
> > >remember that right after I went to see the doctor, he did your
> > >operation
> > >at no cost?" she explained. "That's true"
> > >Sidney nodded. "That shocks me, Marsha, but I do understand
> > >that you
> > >did it out of love for me, and I forgive you. So, what was the third
> > >time?"
> > >
> > >Marsha lowers her head and says, "Sidney, do you remember when you
> > >ran for
> > >Country Club President and you needed 62 more votes?"
> > >
> > >The man fainted......


----------

