# Stupidest thing an Audi dealer has said to you....



## mav (Jan 9, 2003)

"Both your front alloys are definitely faulty, but if we try to claim for both at the same time under warranty, Audi UK will assume the car's been in an accident and won't pay up" (Loders Audi Yeovil, 10/4/03) ;D


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

"Oh we can hear the noise that you are talking about but as we can't find whatever is making the noise we are going to have to say that it isn't there" ??? WTF


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

You must have accidentally pressed the window switch as you opened your door.


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## AndrewS (May 7, 2002)

"Mobil 1 is not suitable for your engine" Audi Finchely


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## mav (Jan 9, 2003)

almost forgot this one....

"VAGCOM? I think thats the Audi website."


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

"There will be no RS4 since the S4 is already good enough."

Dovercourt Bristol shortly before losing my business in 2000.


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## AndrewS (May 7, 2002)

"We have to remove the whole front bumper and check your headlamp washers to find the fault. This will take 4 hours" Audi Finchley

(...the fuse had blown)


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## Guy (May 13, 2002)

"Can I get them to ring you back?"

Receptionist, Smith Knight Fay Audi, Bolton.


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## r14n (Jan 10, 2003)

Whilst your car with us (again) you can have one of our Lovely A2's.

Your window problem is not a problem, its Concept related.

Hartwells, Warrington.


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## Dubcat (Jun 10, 2002)

"No you do not need to run the car in. Just go for it! Ok don't red line it all the time but pretty much anything goes".


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## ade (Aug 27, 2002)

"Have a word with our SERVICE department" Listers COV


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## KevinST (May 6, 2002)

"Audi are working hard to fix the dropping windows problem"


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## justtin (May 6, 2002)

"your dashmount phone holder invalidates the warranty on your broken A/C on/off switch" [smiley=rolleyes5.gif]


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## tt500 (Nov 29, 2002)

Audi Service manager: "Can I please have your reg No Sir"

Me: "Yes it's (TT 03 ZZZ)"

Audi: "and what make and type of car is that on Sir"

Me: "a bloody Skoda, what do you think"!!


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## mav (Jan 9, 2003)

Them: "you can't buy the engine oil from anywhere else other than Audi - its special"

Me: "but as long as its VW 503.01, its fine isnt it? and you can get that from Halfords"

Them: "I'm just telling you what Audi told me".


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## Jac-in-a-Box (Nov 9, 2002)

From Dundee Audi......

Enquired about a possible fault with my car.
Response was "Ah!.. but your car is an import madam"
Gently led man out to the forecourt to read the rear screen "Supplied by Dundee Audi " car sticker. :-[

Jackie x


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## ag (Sep 12, 2002)

It not just AUDI dealers.

My Mum took her Skoda Fabia in for a service. Whilst there she asked the service manager what the chips out of the wing mirror bracket were.

"Do you have many squirrels where you live?"


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## tt500 (Nov 29, 2002)

"Both windows dropped halfway over night between 10pm and 7am"

Audi "never heard of that one, did you leave your kids in the car"!!! :-/


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## mav (Jan 9, 2003)

Audi UK Customer Services upon being told about the 2cm drop to passenger window when passenger closes door within a few seconds of driver:

"how often is that actually likely to happen? do you carry passengers often?" ???


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

Audi: To diagnose the fault you reported (temperature gauge) it will take one hour and cost you Â£81 + VAT. Any labour and part exchange will be on top.

Me: Yes, but to diagnose the fault, you only need to connect the VAGCOM tool, right?

Audi: Yes, but it takes one hour as your car is an import

Vindis Audi Cambridge


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## jcamain (Mar 6, 2003)

Dovercourt Audi told me that they weren't doing the TT V6 as a Roadster. (This was at my critical point of perhaps changing orders and waiting).

Aston Green Reading refused to give me a courtesy car because 'you didn't buy the original car from this dealership'. One phone call to Audi UK and the dealership had to pay Audi Uk to provide me with an A6 2.8 Quattro - nice car!!


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

"That dent was existing" 
  

Later revised to

"Okay well fix it - your right. It seems to be new"


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

> It not just AUDI dealers.
> 
> My Mum took her Skoda Fabia in for a service. Whilst there she asked the service manager what the chips out of the wing mirror bracket were.
> 
> "Do you have many squirrels where you live?"


That one's brilliant 

I took my polo in because there was wind noise coming from the driver's door. After they "diagnosed" it, the door wouldn't shut properly. So I took it in to have the work carried out, and told them about the door no longer shutting properly. They replaced the window seal (why???) and told me that because there was a new seal, I'd have to slam the door harder to shut it. 
Don't new cars come with new seals?
Time to change dealer I think :-/


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## martfargo (Feb 11, 2003)

Audi Dealer " You have to be very careful about buying a second hand car as it may be a grey import- they are so hard to spot! We even bought one last week without realising "


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

Excellent Mart !!!!!

;D ;D ;D


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## ag (Sep 12, 2002)

Nice one Mart. Almost by definition a Grey import is easy to spot because the _Grey_ part refers to a model not intended for use in the UK! He may mean a parallel import - very different.
Scaremongering again.


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## scavenger (Jun 25, 2002)

"Your car should be back with you in a week sir" said about 5 or 6 weeks ago :'(

Apparently I get it back tomorrow or Wednesday - dream on ;D


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## mrfish (May 8, 2002)

Me: This second hand TT seems a little expensive. Its only about Â£1000 less than a new 180 coupe which comes with 3yrs warranty, 0 miles on the clock and better alloys.

Salesman: Ahh but we can't sell you a new 180.

Me: Why not?

Salesman: Audi don't make them any more.

After that gem of information I decided never to spend any money at Battersea Audi.


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## s3_lurker (May 6, 2002)

"My S3 needs an oil change"

"What size engine is that in litres?"

"Pardon? You don't know what engine the S3 has?"

"It might be the 2 litre one. I know Audi made it bigger"

"Terry" at Finchley Road Audi


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## Rhod_TT (May 7, 2002)

What exactly are the required qualifications for an Audi Dealer Employee? The ones I get to speak to seem to be about as switched on about Audi vehicles as the nearest BMW dealer.

How do I shortcut to the head of each department when I go into a dealership?


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

Make out you want to buy his and hers matching RS6s and a A4 cabrio for the station run ;D
Sure that would get you some attention from senior staff.


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

I forgot to mention this one......

Me: "Im thinking of getting the recall work carried out on my MK1 suspension setup although I have heard that the performance will be comprimised" :-/

DEALER: "No, No sir, if anything it will be much firmer and the performance will be greatly enhanced" 

Me: "Why was the recall launched" :-/

DEALER: "A few instances in Germany resulted in deaths on the autobahn as the car was too firm on the road and drivers were loosing control as the steering was too responsive" :

Me: '" Bye bye" :-X


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

West-London Audi.... just before trying to make blag that my 9 month old TT had no manufacturers warranty.... 

"do you know that your car is LHD"


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

> "My S3 needs an oil change"
> 
> "It might be the 2 litre one. I know Audi made it bigger"


I'm surprised you didn't get the 2 litre engine... I got one in my TT as standard :

;D ;D ;D


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## pgtt (May 7, 2002)

Audi '' there are no such things as cup holders for the TT''

Me ''WTF are those then!!


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## docdid (Mar 12, 2003)

"the car is imported therefore we can't:

1. read the english service book
2. tell what parts are fitted
3. be civil."

"you can't fit any other suspension on an audi its not safe at all."

???


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2003)

> "you can't fit any other suspension on an audi its not safe at all."
> 
> ???


Why would you like to fit suspensions ? ???

The tyres are here to absorb shocks :-/ unless they are fitted to make the TT look nicer 

;D ;D


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## aidb (Mar 19, 2003)

> "Can I get them to ring you back?"
> 
> Receptionist, Smith Knight Fay Audi, Bolton.


lol...sounds familiar


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## CapTT (Mar 2, 2003)

Customer : "I`d like an Audi mouse mat please."

Audi Parts Man: "Certainly sir .We`ve got a wide selection . I`ll have to check if its compatible with your computer first.!"


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## PaulS (Jun 15, 2002)

Salesman at Stortford Audi Bishops Stortford. Looking to buy a W reg TT on their forecourt. 1st of all, he offers me a truly derisory price for my 'mint' 20,000 mile Golf as a px, and then refuses to drop the price of the TT by more than 500 if no px is involved. Quote "What do I have to do to make the sale?" ..... I would have thought that was pretty obvious Â : Sold the Golf privately, and bought myself an as new 51 reg import with only 4k miles on the clock Â


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## CapTT (Mar 2, 2003)

Audi Parts Man : " I`m having trouble with my printer . I can`t get it to work".

Tech.Support : "Are you running it under windows?".

Audi Parts Man : " No the desk is by the door.!!"

"Good point though.The bloke at the desk next to me is under the window and his printer is working fine.!".


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

No I cant sell that badge to you.

Why ?

Because we cant get any more of them . :-X


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## karloff (Feb 19, 2003)

> No I cant sell that badge to you.
> 
> Why ?
> 
> Because we cant get any more of them . :-X


So you went for those tastefully discreet Audi rings instead, eh John?? ;D ;D


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## David_A (May 7, 2002)

When enquiring about getting Guildford audi to swap the fronts with the rears (rotating the wheels) First quoted ~Â£75. Then I asked why . . .

Service Bird "Its because the wheels will need balancing"

Me "Why? Surely a wheels is balanced whethers its on the front or back?"

Service Bird "Oh no sir - you'll get dreadful wobbles and bad feeling through the steering wheel"

Me "I'm sorry but you are talking nonsense"

Service bird goes to talk to the garage boys

Service Bird "I've spoken to the service technician and he confirms what I've told you, we could do it without balancing the wheels but couldn't guarentee how the car would react"

5 mins later of "discussion"

Service Bird "Would you like to speak to the workshop manager"

Me "No, if I do I'm going to start swearing and shouting, please tell him that he is wrong and even a muppet at Kwik Fit knows he is wrong."

I hang up completely gosmacked without waiting for a reply.

Dave


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## David_A (May 7, 2002)

"We have put the front on correctly"

"Then whys there a 3/4 inch gap from the top of the headlight to the bonnet"!

Twats - AFN Guildford

Dave


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## David_A (May 7, 2002)

Car in for a service - supplied my own oil.

Phone call from Audi Guildford.

"Hello Sir, I'm afraid the oil you've suppllied is incorrect for your engine"

"But doesn't it just have to be vw503.01 spec?"

"Yes thats correct sir"

"Have you read the back of the can"

Phone put down, footsteps

"I'm sorry sir, it appears your correct, ah well we all learn something new every day"

Non forum faq reading Audi Guildford pillock.

It would appear that the technicians learn by what the customers tell them.

Dave


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## David_A (May 7, 2002)

I might even phone up tomorrow with an obscure question involving what type of oil my windows take while running in. Just to see what crap they come up with.

Dave


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## SBJ (Jun 29, 2002)

- Me: Â "I understand that TT's withs Xenons need a special screen wash, Can I buy some?"

- Audi Service guy "No, any screen wash is fine. So you think there is special screen wash for Xenons?"

"Yes, I thought it had something to do with salt content that clog up the nozzles."

"Nop, nothing coming up on our system here."

"Well I'm pretty sure the TT Owners Club know what they are talking about Â  . Can you double check for me please?"

"Well its not showing on the 'system' here."

"Can you check please"

A couple of minutes later after consulting someone else with the other half of the brain cell...

"Ah yes - here we go. It was hiding under a section on the system I didn't think to look in"

"Excellent - what sizes do they come in?"

"1 ltr, and 5 ltr"

"I'll have a one ltr please."

"Oh sorry we have none in stock, nor the 5 ltr"

Ipswich Audi - November 2002

(Bear in mind this was winter time, so having screen wash in stock would be asking too much :-X)

SBJ


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## ^outt^kast^ (Jun 7, 2002)

I enquired about Audi's discretionary Goodwill Gesture......

Audi customer service today....

" Well You haven't shown your loyalty to Audi by buying an import ".......WTF...

It is STILL an Audi and still a friggin TT !!!!!


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## tunner (Aug 9, 2002)

Audi do not offer a discount from the list price of a TTC!

Oh yes they do!


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## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

Rental car company in Brasil about a sticky clutch pedal on 2002 Golf `Its only happening because you are using a bad grade of petrol` : :-/

VW Brasil about all 4 doors on Passat failing to keep shut `we`ll have to replace all the door locks`
Me `but today is really hot and i think the lube has just run out - all 4 stopped working today`
`No, they are all faulty`
Me `hand me that can of lube` spray, spray, spray, spray `look they work fine`
`Oh yes, you are right` Twats


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## jgoodman00 (May 6, 2002)

'The mats which came with your car were the wrong ones, hence them slipping. They are not covered by the warranty, but we can order you some new ones. They will cost Â£55 + VAT!'

Needless to say I complained, & I got some new mats for free


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2003)

"There won't be a V6 TT - as they can't fit the engine in, besides the chassis couldn't take that amount of power" - Aston Green Audi Reading [smiley=crowngrin.gif]


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## Carlos (May 6, 2002)

"Oh yes sir the TT's 4WD is 50:50 front to rear. Oh hang on, or is it 40:60?" Knowledgeable salesman, SG Smith Audi, Beckenham

"Just have a seat through there sir, we'll be right with you" Aston Green Slough service dept, cue 45 minute wait EVERY time.

"The forge DV has invalidated your warranty Sir, therefore we cannot fix your rattling parcel shelf, oh and by the way we've flagged your car as 'warranty invalidated' on the central Audi system" Oxwank Audi. Grrrrrr [smiley=bomb.gif]


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## thorney (May 15, 2002)

RS4, soft wheels, bending........no, not heard of that one sir. - Aston Green sales muppet.


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## jonno (May 7, 2002)

Oh dear
In just 6 pages we have reduced NuTTs lifes work on the dealer survey to naught....

My contributions:

Me: Please can you code the alarm for a confirmation bleep?
Dealer: We can do it on a new A4...
Me: But I've just bought a new TTC
Dealer: Ah, well we need to call the Audi technical support people.
Me: Why not read the base code and add +64 (or whatever)
Dealer: Wow, do you know any more of the codes, we get asked all the time.....

[Same]Dealer: Its really important to regularly check the oil when running it in.
Me: Yes, I realise I need to dip every week. Please can you give me a 1L of oil, I understand its quite hard to buy elsewhere?
Dealer: Hang on, I'll get you some
[walks off, then minutes later comes back, carrying oil]
Dealer: Here you go [hands me oil, which I then read the label of]
Me: I think you'll find this Castrol Longlife II oil is the wrong stuff for 225's on AVS.
Dealer: I'll need to check that for you....


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## roTTie2 (Nov 5, 2002)

Whilst deciding between an S3 or a TT both new, i was told

" the S3 is more exciting to drive as it is twin turbo and pulls quicker much earlier"

" dont you mean S4"

" No, S3 thoose S4'S are soooooooo quick (old version) they walk away from an M3"

Salesman at Audi in Glos!!!!

roTTie2


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2003)

Yesterday my car spent the day in the capable hands of Southend Audi.
This was its second visit to cue a couple of strange noises that I have, one on start up and also what can only be described an exhaust rattle at 1500-2000rpm...
Anyway on arrival to pick up the car:
Me: Did they find the source of the noises ?
Service: No. Noise on start up is air con filling with liquid thats standard and as for the exhaust it needs to carbon up a bit..that will stop the noise.
Me: Not sure I believe the exhaust thing but I can safely say that I never start the car with air con on..
Service: Well sorry I am being told the noiss is standard.

At this point I took my keys and the service manager out to their 225 TTR demo car, started it up and no listerned carefully...and guess what...no noise.
I then took him to my car, started it up and..noise.

Me: So if it is a standard noise why does you demo car not make the same noise ??
Service Manager: Oh yeah well....ummmm....let me sort this out and I will call you tomorrow.

Muppets !!!!  

Ok so a question now as I don't believe a word this horses backsides say.
Anyone heard of this exhaust needs to carbon up thing ?
As you can imagine I now have no confidence in this garage and would also welcome suggestions of a better garage for my future business in the Essex area.

Sorry for the length of the post.


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

Never heard of the carbon up thing. Sounds like rubbish to me. If it's a rattle, chances are something's loose. It being at a particular frequency (engine speed) backs that up.


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2003)

Thanks for the reassuring shout of "they are talking rubbish"......
Feel this could be the start of a lengthy process.


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## jonno (May 7, 2002)

> This was its second visit to cue a couple of strange noises that I have, one on start up and also what can only be described an exhaust rattle at 1500-2000rpm........
> 
> At this point I took my keys and the service manager out to their 225 TTR demo car, started it up and no listerned carefully...and guess what...no noise.
> I then took him to my car, started it up and..noise.
> ...


Can you give any more details of the start-up noise?
you never know, someone here must have had it b4.


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2003)

Sure, 
Noise is only when car is cold and it sounds as if their is an air vent open very slightly...sounds like a wind/whistle noise quiet faint.
Any suggestions would be welcome.


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## proeliator2001 (Feb 26, 2003)

Used to get something which sounds similar on an old Mondeo - that used a little motor to move the airvent diverter valve around and it always whoosed when you turned the car on -didn`t matter where the vent control was it always did it.


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## paulb (May 6, 2002)

TT stands for Twin Turbo...


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## DXN (May 18, 2002)

prior to winter I asked for two bottles of screenwash 
they said "you do realise you have to dilute it with water sir."

also that'll be 5 pounds for a wing indicator lens
me no its under warranty

Its the wide tyres and camber of the road (VW)

Sorry all our lease cars have no petrol in (VW) Fuel light on!.

We'll book it in for 2 weeks! when window dropped down in car door and stayed down due to motor.
Me. No, I think you'll fix it now as I can't park it anywhere till the windows fixed unless you'll insure it till its fixed. (VW)

I sold the VW and didn't by the car from the same franchise. Will audi be any better when my first service comes??


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## djp10tt (Jul 20, 2003)

Dovercourt Bristol

The TT S-Line will not be available in UK only in Europe.

We have fixed the front supension knock by fitting new REAR shocker rubbers (A6 and no, it still knocked from the front)

You are right, the alarm does not work since we broke the bonnet switch.

We can offer you Â£xxxxx as a part ex

Your TT is on AVS service when taken in for 10k service and told no service required, go away. Then at 19,000 service (as indicated by avs) Sir you have missed your 10,000 mile service. Parklands Audi.

There is no autolock facility (Poole Audi)


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## Howard (May 7, 2002)

Battersea Audi - Car collected under warranty due to the accelerator pedal sticking.
Girl on phone: "Our engineer has inspected the pedal and it works perfectly."
Me: "But it's stuck to the floor and only moves from side to side?"
Girl on phone: "I'll ask him to take another look."

Whites Audi : "The V6 TT has been delayed because it clashes with the launch of the new A8."


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## Guest (Apr 17, 2003)

SoonTT- no more

Don't get me started on those muppets at Southend Audi.

October 01 - "Thank you for your business and deposit we will do our best to get a TT for March 1st 2002"

February 02 - "We havent actually put the order into Audi yet will be at least three months before you get your car"

Ended up getting car from Peterbro' - although I have heard good things about my local dealer in Chelmsford


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## moley (May 14, 2002)

> There is no autolock facility (Poole Audi)


I'm really beginning to wonder - mines not been working for over 3 weeks now 

Moley


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## moley (May 14, 2002)

> Ended up getting car from Peterbro' - although I have heard good things about my local dealer in Chelmsford


I'll vouch for Nigel Grogan in Chelmsford. I got my TT from there (after getting stupid offers from Southend and Harold Wood) and had all my A4 servicing done - no real grumbles at all.

Moley


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## jonah (Aug 17, 2002)

Hello Sir can i help you Sir
Anyone who knows me knows i am not a sir and it sounds soooo False


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## moley (May 14, 2002)

> Hello Sir can i help you Sir
> Anyone who knows me knows i am not a sir and it sounds soooo False


Okay, would you prefer:

"Hello madam, can we help you feel inferior about cars" ;D 

Moley


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## John C (Jul 5, 2002)

Him - Can I help you sir?
Me - Yes I was wondering about child seats in the back of the TT
Him - Totally useless
Me - Can you tell me more?
Him - No that is it, you wonâ€™t get anything in there apart from a small bag 
Me thinking - My mother-in-law surely won't fit in there? 
Me - But it will only be short journeys, the nursery run, my wife has a Lexus RX300 4x4 for weekend long trips.
Him - Nope not even that, totally useless.

Which bit of SALEsman did he not understand?

2 weeks later

Hello again, I have read several posts on the TT forum and got this brochure from your local competitor, itâ€™s the TT accessories with, wait for it, Audis own isofix car seat.

Start the Julia Roberts line - You work on commission right? Big mistake, big mistake..............


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## TT Law (Sep 6, 2003)

Me: Can I get a child seat to fit the rear seats (TTC)

Dealer: Yes no problem sir. I have seen 4 six footers seated comfortably in a TT.

[smiley=freak.gif] [smiley=freak.gif] [smiley=freak.gif]

Steve


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## pgm (May 7, 2002)

> Me: Can I get a child seat to fit the rear seats (TTC)
> 
> Dealer: Yes no problem sir. I have seen 4 six footers seated comfortably in a TT.
> 
> ...


What a muppet!


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## pgm (May 7, 2002)

Me: I currently own a TT and I'm thinking of changing it up for something bigger.
Dealer: Have you thought about a Mercedes or BMW
Me: :-/ ;D

PS This thread would make a lovely book, bound in Baseball stitched leather and distributed to every dealer in the land.


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## scoTTy (May 6, 2002)

Stortford Audi when describing the folded plastic bag in the tool kit :

Him : "Audi think of everything, they even include a kneeling pad for when you;re changing the spare"

Me : "Excuse me but I think you'll find........"

Him : "Oh! Well you learn something new everyday. I've been telling people this for the last 6 months"

:


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## pgtt (May 7, 2002)

Does AUDI actually come onto the forum to read these posts, surely they must realise how sh*te there dealers are :-/


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## mrfish (May 8, 2002)

According to something I read in a computer magazine and posted here last year, Audi employ a technology company to send out web crawlers that can theoretically pull in everything written about them. Whether Audi use these reports for anything other than deluxe coffee mug stands, ballast to stop their office blowing away or very scratchy bog paper is anyone's guess. My guess is that they go about as far up the Audi hierarchy as the chap responsible for ensuring that dealerships' coffee machines supply warm brown liquid. Other Audi staff are probably banned from commenting in public forums on pain of being strapped to a 9-spoke RS alloy and driven round the Millbrook cobbled test section at high speed.

While I have to agree that the dealerships seem to employ some complete jokers, they also have some dedicated and knowledgable staff. While I'm not excusing a complete lack of product knowledge, it is possible to learn more from thoroughly reading a couple of car magazines than dealers and HQ staff ever get told or learn from the carefully censored and reprinted sections of test reports they are fed as marketing material. I've advised my sister (who works for BMW UK) to take out a subscription to Car magazine if she wants to stay ahead of me, her boss, and 99% of the organisation.

Andrew


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

Truly a marvellous oration Andrew ! ;D


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## donna_kebab (May 8, 2002)

> Does AUDI actually come onto the forum to read these posts, surely they must realise how sh*te there dealers are :-/


I was talking to Peter at Martins in Basingstoke the other day, telling him that actually the forum seems to favour Martins ( A little) over other local dealers, he had never had the bottle to look at the forum in case someone had called him a wxnxxr on it :-/

;D  ;D


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## R6B TT (Feb 25, 2003)

There's a few like that Donna - I was in a dealer and was chatting about forumw and he said the same thing - then after some encouragement he logged in and there was great mirth when they found their Sales Manager described as a ' Sales Weasel Extraordinaire '


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## Nelson_R32 (Jul 2, 2004)

Erm, I hate to crash the party but I haven't laughed this hard in ages!!

I work for an Audi dealer and someone has mentioned something that I said to them on this very thread!  My only defence is that I was only 16, I had only been working in the motor industry and with Audi for only three months at that point 

So when this customer next comes to his local Audi dealer he'll be getting a free bottle of headlamp washer fluid for his trouble :wink:


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## s3_lurker (May 6, 2002)

"We're not officially supposed to tell you about launch control. Audi has made us sign non-disclosure agreements".

"But it's all explained on PXX of the manual and on the audi web sitel"

West London Audi


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## kingcutter (Aug 1, 2003)

me"can you give me some info on the new 150 ttr please"
what 150 TTR audi blackburn


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## Jazzedout (May 8, 2002)

mrfish said:


> According to something I read in a computer magazine and posted here last year, Audi employ a technology company to send out web crawlers that can theoretically pull in everything written about them.
> Andrew


I think I have heard that these web crawlers search for illegal copies of Audi software like parts, service manuals etc. :?


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## HighTT (Feb 14, 2004)

After test driving a 3.2 DSG at Wayside MIlton Keynes:-

Me: I like the V6 engine but I don't like the DSG,
I would like a 3.2 Manual when they come out.

Him: At this dealership we know what Audi's future plans are,
and we have heard nothing about them bringing out a
Manual version.


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

When I complained about my rattling and sqeaking rear parcel shelf on my 6 month old, Â£30K car......

"It's a sports car". (Obligatory shrug of the shoulders).


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

scoTTy said:


> Stortford Audi when describing the folded plastic bag in the tool kit :
> 
> Him : "Audi think of everything, they even include a kneeling pad for when you;re changing the spare"
> 
> ...


At least he was honest Paul :lol:


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## fivelittlefish (May 15, 2002)

Me: Those paint chips on the edge of the drivers door were'nt there before?

Dealer: Oh those are old. Are there any walls near where you live?


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## HighTT (Feb 14, 2004)

Aylesbury Audi SALES side over the last few years:-

When I asked to have a TT demonstator for a day, I was told that
the 30 minute accompanied test drive that I already had with the salesman was enough.
When I told them that other (non-local) dealerships had offered me one
for a weekend, they said that I could have half a day if I would sign on
the dotted line to order one on my return from the drive.

When I asked what discount they would give and/or extras they would
throw in, they said that they wouldn't tell me because I would just use
that information to try and better the deal at another dealer.

Two years later (having bought the car new from Wayside) I went in to
see what they would give me in P/X for a new TT, they said that I
should go to wherever I bought mine from originally as they would
probably be able to offer me up to Â£1000 more.

Three years later when I went in to try and buy the newly introduced
Audi extended warranty, they didn't have the details but assured me
that it was just like the original warranty, and definately covered bodywork
and interior trim.[/u]

To put my view of Aylesbury Audi into perspective, the SERVICE side have been excellent.


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

THis IS too good to pass up. Serious suggestion: We collate this lot and send it to Audi UK and CC it to the bods in Germany. A copy to Top Gear or someone similar would draw some attention to it too. We could present it in some smart format; Lay it on thick.

I had another couple:

Me: "Another problem is this large scrape mark on my handbrake gator. It appears to be rubbing against the console housing".

Dealer: "Yes, it is. THe problem is that you're pulling the handbrake toward you. I'm a big guy and I do the same, it bends the handbrake. I'll sort that out for you."

Me: "What are you going to do - Replace the gator?"

Dealer: "No. I'm going to bend it the other way. It will happen again though, but now you know how to fix it. I prefer to be honest with people about their cars".

Me: "Hello. I have an appointment for a technician to check out the DSG and some other problems with my car"

Service Manager: ".........". (Staring at me as if to say "And?"). This lasts about 6 seconds.

Me: "So..........Er............I've got the car with me and I would like to get it checked then".

Service Manager walks off and gets some card from the rack on the wall. Walks back - No eye contact. He is ready to write......

"What's your name?"

At this point it was evident that I was being a total nuisance to the guy as he huffed and puffed his way through getting my car booked in. Not a smile or anythning other than a grim look crossed his face. Unbelieveable.


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## robquatt (Oct 20, 2003)

After the 2nd replacement of the whole a/c unit for a loud rattle

"If this one rattles you will just have to put it down to a character trait of the car"

After losing my locking wheel nut key

"Who was the last person to remove the wheels?"

"the car is 1000miles old they have never been removed"

"when did you last see the locking nut key?"

"when i gave it to you with the car about 3 days ago"

"so your saying you dont know where it is"

"*speechless*"

Priceless.


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## Wak (May 6, 2002)

AmD RR day highlighted a faulty temp sensor...

Parts: Why do you want this sensor

Me: because I've been told its logged as a fault.

Parts: who told you

Me: AmD have you heard of them (he shakes head)

Parts: Well this could be a dash pod failure!

Inexperienced Me thinks: Oh my god, faint, how much?

Experienced me thinks: WTF is he talking about....just give me the sensor I'll try that first you bleeping scaremonger!

Anyway sensor replaced and car is well!
:lol:


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## L8_0RGY (Sep 12, 2003)

This was said to me yesterday by a salesman when i commented on the stereo being a front loading cd player aka "Concert";

"well that now means you can have 7 cds on board, 1 in the player, and 6 in the changer".

I got home, and couldn't find the 6 cd changer anywhere, and the sales manager then says to me "it doesn't have one & it hasn't been advertised with one."

Why say it's got one when it doesn't??


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## ADB (May 7, 2002)

Whilst test driving the 3.2 TT Coupe in October last year



> me: Will there be a manual version of this, because although the DSG gearbox is great I would prefer a manual
> stealer: No, Audi will definately not be releasing a manual version of the 3.2 TT
> me: Is that absolutely definate?
> stealer: Yes we have been told by Audi that the 3.2 TT will only ever be offered with the DSG gearbox


I subsequently ordered it and a week after delivery in December the manual was announced :x

Andy


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## christtopher (May 7, 2002)

After enquiring about the free wash and vacuum at service time...

"Yes sir, all the cars are washed by professional valeters" [sic]

I'm not even sure "valeters" is a real word!


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## johnny1 (Dec 31, 2003)

"I CAN GUARENTEE THEY WILL RING YOU BACK WITHIN AN HOUR" Tyneside AUDI, 14th May 2004, (its now 3rd June 2004 and still nothing!!!)

"THEY WILL RING YOU BACK STRAIGHT AWAY" Newcastle AUDI, I rang them back 6 hours later with no aplogy

"THAT SMELL IS NORMAL, I WOULDNT BE CONCERENED" Newcastle AUDI (after 6 deodrant flushes, and still NOT fixed)

This could go on for a while ...........


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## L8_0RGY (Sep 12, 2003)

ADB said:


> Whilst test driving the 3.2 TT Coupe in October last year
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sorry to drag this off topic, but nice colour TT btw :wink:


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## fastasflip (May 13, 2003)

Whilst considering ordering a new Golf

Me " I would like full leather recaros please"

Steve the Slimeball " VW don't do Recaro's, however you can get the much better quality Ricardos but there more expensive than Recaros"


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## ttstu (Nov 1, 2003)

Loders in Yeovil

After removing the h/u from my month old TT.

"That'll be Â£70 then."

That's a warranty issue surely?

"No, someone has been mucking around with it."

No they haven't

"That's still Â£70."

Needless to say they get no more business from me.

At the same time I had a door drop problem.

After having the car for 5 hours I get a call.

I'm phoning about you're door drop problem. Can you describe the problem to me?"

Yes the door has dropped!

"OK I'll go and have a look at it for you."

Loders are sh*te. Do not use them.

Didn't fix the door by the way. Took it to Taunton and they did it first time.


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## russell2002 (May 27, 2002)

How about the all time classic we have all exprienced,

"Ill call you back"


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## Gworks (Jan 20, 2003)

It'll be ready in a couple of Hours......yeah right!!!! :roll:


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## Hannibal (Dec 1, 2003)

them: but it's out of warranty
me: I know (I told you, remember?) I'll pay for the work
them: but we don't know what's wrong with it.
me: well let me know and I'll pay for the work.
them: it won't be covered by the warranty though.
me: yes, but I'll pay for the work...with my own money...
them: but we've looked at it for a while (meaning plugged 1551 in twice) and we don't know what's wrong, it's out of warranty you see.

you can guess how the rest of the conversation went.....eventually got it fixed (but they never told me what was wrong)

H


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## tooth doc (Jul 7, 2004)

Not sure if this belongs here and apologize for crudeness. How about sales rep. going to finance individual to ask about financing on vehicle and finance guy giving the "stroking himself" gesture in my fiancee's and my plain sight. Needless to say I will not be getting my TTR from that dealer.

:x :x :x :x


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

Not Audi, but took my VW Golf Gti in for an MOT. Rang me two hours later with a list of things that needed repairing / replacing as it had failed. Authorised them to go ahead.

Pick up car at end of day, service manager goes through receipt and highlghts the work done, cost etc. Seems quite pleased with himself. When he was finished, I asked for the MOT certificate.

'What MOT?' was his reply.

Then had to wait another hour while the mechanic got back into his overalls to do the MOT it had originally been in for.

Never been back.


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## ANT (Oct 2, 2002)

No you can't borrow the S4 for a test drive trial unless you're going to buy one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :?
Guess I'll never know then! [smiley=huh2.gif]


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## purplett (Dec 9, 2002)

_"we should have a batch of coil packs in next week" _

one for all you coilpack veterans out there :wink:

Extracted from *"The great coilpack famine of 2003" *a story of blackmarketeering, lies and deceit. 9/10 - a thrilling read - Autocar... 6/10 - i couldn't put it down - Top Gear mag etc etc.

I'll get me coat :roll: 
Andy


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Audi Dealer Salesman to me *Sorry I don't know what a dashpod is!* [smiley=dizzy2.gif]  :?


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## scavenger (Jun 25, 2002)

In response to a bouncing fuel guage when I bought the car:

"They all do that sir"

New dashpod within 2 weeks :?

"No problem, we will sort your brake problem out today" - Stortford Audi - 2003 - 6 weeks prior to me getting the car back :lol:

Booking car in I reported a vibration and requested they check something:

Stealer: "We diagnosed your wheels are not round sir, that's why we don't speculate on problems"

Me: "Really, check the jobsheet, I asked you to check if the wheels were round as I suspected they weren't and causing the vibration" :roll: - Chelmsford Audi - 2004


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## Audifin (Jan 1, 2004)

This is partly due to knowledge of the english language, but when I was getting my S-line suspension I wanted to check that the part numbers on the shocks were the correct ones... well the parts guru at the main Audi dealership over here told me the shocks are part of "Sport Running Gear" which means I'll have to upgrade my gears (=transmission) to sport gears...


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## woop (Aug 3, 2004)

While visiting the UK I had a puncture requiring the replacement of a tyre. The nearest tyre place said I would have to change all four because of tread difference. So I called Audi CS to check I was not being ripped off. They said:

"Sorry we can't tell you whether you need to replace all four tyres on your TT Quattro because it is French registered. Would you like the number of customer services in France?"

(After cold anger (new to me) they put me through to somebody who could advise me...)


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## Loz180 (Sep 20, 2004)

tooth doc said:


> Not sure if this belongs here and apologize for crudeness. How about sales rep. going to finance individual to ask about financing on vehicle and finance guy giving the "stroking himself" gesture in my fiancee's and my plain sight. Needless to say I will not be getting my TTR from that dealer.
> 
> :x :x :x :x :x


I don't know about you, but that reduced me to tears!! :lol: :lol: :lol: I would love to see the Dealer Principles face when that was played back on cctv   :evil:

Was this gesture related to your application for finance or was it in response to the inteligent quesiton that the salesman couldn't answer and was begging of the finance twat?


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## jockTT (Jul 15, 2003)

was told by mill audi in sunderland that the lamp washers were to cool the headlights from the heat of xenon bulbs :lol:


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## mdopi (Jul 31, 2004)

me: hi im here with the oil leak and i need the interior door handle replaced

2 hours later

audi guy: we replaced your door handle but did you know your car is leeking oil? [smiley=rolleyes5.gif] [smiley=rifle.gif]


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## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

Me can we have a TT as a courtesey car to compare the wind noise from the doors 
Them you will have to talk to sales about that ,what type of car do you have ?
Only at Audi :evil:


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## Loz180 (Sep 20, 2004)

Me: SO the new TT is due in 2006?

Stealer Rep: Yeah, this one is gonna be based on the a3 so as it shares parts should be easier to make. The existing car is unique!

Me: thought the car shared a platform with the golf, leon,octavia,a3 and bettle already.

Stealer rep: No, not at all.

Me: so if its going to have common parts now, production cost will fall and the new car will be cheaper then? 

Stealer rep: er...no. 

Me: why not?

Stealer rep: I don't know. 

fcukwit!


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## ttvic (Jul 4, 2003)

Los180, must ask the question is your soul aim in life is to acheive 1000 posts in the quickest time possible as you post some utter dribble on this forum.

If I was you get out and enjoy your TT and stop wasting your time indoors behind your computer.


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## Loz180 (Sep 20, 2004)

I think the word you are looking for is "drivel" :wink:


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

ttvic said:


> Los180, must ask the question is your soul aim in life is to acheive 1000 posts in the quickest time possible as you post some utter dribble on this forum.
> 
> If I was you get out and enjoy your TT and stop wasting your time indoors behind your computer.


He's a northern TTotal.

QED.


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

Ay up...........

TTotal is from Harrogate Yorkshire :wink:


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## L7 (Aug 27, 2004)

Me: i want a yellow TT

Him: you won't find one

Me: i want one

Him: you can't get them, we have a blue one

Me: no the only colour i want is yellow

Him: why?

Me: i like the yellow thats what i want

Him: you won't find one

Me: really?

Him: yes no one likes yellow

Me: i like yellow

Him: i'll have a look for you and ring you back

Me: thankyou, i'm only interested in yellow don't forget

1 week later no call

Me: well did you find anything?

Him: no there isn't a yellow one for sale anywhere, we have a nice silver one, it has TTT in the number plate you know

Me: really, i don't want silver i want yellow

Him: you won't find one

Me: forget it i'll look myself, i'll get on the web

5 Min's later found yellow 225 TTC in cambridge a bought over the phone straight away.

Took me 5 min's to do what he said was impossible :!: and he's the one paid as a salesman [smiley=freak.gif]


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## ttstu (Nov 1, 2003)

Dealer rings me up at 3 pm (had car since 8.30am) and asks, "*this door drop problem exactly what is the problem?"*

Er the door has dropped?

Then rings me 10 mins. later to say it was fixed. Which of course it wasn't.


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## bape (Jan 16, 2005)

tt500 said:


> Audi Service manager: "Can I please have your reg No Sir"
> 
> Me: "Yes it's (TT 03 ZZZ)"
> 
> ...


ROFL!!

My audi stealer told me that I needed to have the whole A\C unit replaced, just because the plastic bit on the blower switch had cracked. I had a quick word with Wak, who put me straight (thanks Wak) 
Went back to the stealer with the part number for the small bit of plastic that needed ordering, he seemed a bit shocked that i knew such things, so I told him about this forum  Kept him quiet after that hehe


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## Terri_TT (Nov 18, 2004)

While my car was in the Audi garage I ask if they would replace the driver side wing mirror  and he said 'is that the front or back one'  [smiley=book2.gif] [smiley=dizzy2.gif]

I worried about my poor little car all day :roll:


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## scoTTy (May 6, 2002)

bape said:


> My audi stealer told me that I needed to have the whole A\C unit replaced, just because the plastic bit on the blower switch had cracked. I had a quick word with Wak, who put me straight (thanks Wak)


It wasn't always the case. I think they only started doing it because of the failure rate. It must have been costing them a fortune.


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## ttvic (Jul 4, 2003)

Your car will be ready on Friday. (Wimbledon Audi)

11 days after that I finally got it back. :x


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## stgeorgex997 (Feb 25, 2004)

"...hello, customer service, Audi..."

Good one


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## sp3ctre (Dec 11, 2002)

TTotal said:


> Ay up...........
> 
> TTotal is from Harrogate Yorkshire :wink:


Sorry for being SO off topic but me too!!!

(Denim Blue 180 btw) 

...ay up indeed!!!


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## sp3ctre (Dec 11, 2002)

just remembered...

Audi Man: These have Quattro... I love them, you can never "lose it".......<long pause>.......but there was this one time!!!


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

'Sorry you can't test drive those three they all have dead batteries' !! :roll: :?


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## bape (Jan 16, 2005)

sp3ctre said:


> just remembered...
> 
> Audi Man: These have Quattro... I love them, you can never "lose it".......<long pause>.......but there was this one time!!!


...at band camp.... 

sorry, couldn't resist [smiley=jester.gif]


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## caney (Feb 5, 2004)

"is your car standard sir?" :lol: :lol:


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## EDZ26 (Jul 13, 2004)

me: im interested in buying a new TT

Them: sorry son, we havent got any!

i walked into the show room, about two hours before a football match, in all my training gear, they thought i was some chav taking the p*ss, this was Hartwell audi Warrington, an hour later i had ordered my new TT part there and part over the phone with Lancaster Audi Manchester!


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

EDZ26 said:


> me: im interested in buying a new TT
> 
> Them: sorry son, we havent got any!
> 
> i walked into the show room, about two hours before a football match, in all my training gear, they thought i was some chav taking the p*ss, this was Hartwell audi Warrington, an hour later i had ordered my new TT part there and part over the phone with Lancaster Audi Manchester!


Which bit came from Manchester?


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## Merlin66 (Jan 10, 2005)

Them: Yes we will sell you this imaculate privately owned 6-month old A4 1.8T (190PS) Quattro S-line (with a stack of fitted options) for Â£19,750.

Us: Yes please!


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## EDZ26 (Jul 13, 2004)

jampott said:


> EDZ26 said:
> 
> 
> > me: im interested in buying a new TT
> ...


the bits i didnt want! broken this, doesnt work that! etc etc!


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## Ziggy Stardust (Aug 23, 2004)

Sinclairs of Swansea. We have your car here for repair, what exactly is wrong with it?
Me. I think the DSG (gearbox) is broken. I explain why.
Four days later after no contact I contact them.
Sinclairs of Swansea. We will change the fuel injectors.
Me. Injectors?????????
Three days later.
Sinclairs of Swansea. Your car is ready and has been road tested.
I pick it up but return it within twenty minutes with the original problem.
So I take the workshop manager out for a run and the car shudders and shakes and makes strange noises within the first one hundred yards.
Sinclairs of Swansea. *Its the gearbox.*


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## Nick225TT (Oct 13, 2004)

On a similar theme.

David Essex: My cars broken down what you going do to about itâ€¦. (moan, moan moan)

Customer Service: We can get recovery vehicle to you as soon as possible.

DE: Thatâ€™s not f*Â£!ing good enough! Do you know who I am?

Customer Service: Arenâ€™t you the guy that sang CopaCabana?

DE: What ! NO that was F*&$ing Barry Manilow!


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## DXN (May 18, 2002)

VW dealer. Your car is finished and is ready for collection sir

ME. Really, Its on our driveway having picked it up 4 hours ago!!


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## Wak (May 6, 2002)

DXN said:


> VW dealer. Your car is finished and is ready for collection sir
> 
> ME. Really, Its on our driveway having picked it up 4 hours ago!!


NONONONO! you should gone down their and demanded your car! :lol:


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## DXN (May 18, 2002)

Wak said:


> DXN said:
> 
> 
> > VW dealer. Your car is finished and is ready for collection sir
> ...


Ah but the next phone would be

Tracker +/- police. Its on your driveway you divvy.

But your right I should have asked them to deliver it home for me as I was busy at work. :lol:


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