# A few funnies



## mighTy Tee (Jul 10, 2002)

---

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.

They asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.

It was very nice of them,

but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

---

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations"

but none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"?

---

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything.

I met a bloke with no legs this morning

while at the bus stop

and all I asked was

"How are you getting on?"

---

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby "Is this yours?" she asked.

"Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else!"

---

My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw.

It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.

---

Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!!

---

They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right.

After 8 pints I talk shit and can't drive!

---

Whats the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack?

The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once.

---

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?"

"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."

---

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.

I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"

---

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.

"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.

"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big

blue hair."

---


----------



## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

1 or 2 funnys mate :wink: :lol:


----------



## Hoggy (May 8, 2002)

:lol: :lol: :lol: Brilliant.
H.


----------



## T3RBO (Dec 9, 2003)




----------



## Nilesong (Jan 19, 2009)

:lol: I DO love a good one-liner!


----------



## flyhigh1 (Dec 10, 2009)

:lol: more one liners please.. :lol:


----------



## gazzerb (Oct 20, 2008)

brilliant lots of good ones

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## gazzerb (Oct 20, 2008)

flyhigh1 said:


> more one liners please..


my boss treats me like a king at work ... rodney king!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------

