# I neither swear or drink...



## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

... but I am so fucking wound up because of a wanker of a deer that decided to go for an evening walk in front of my fucking Mini. What kind of a fucking retarded fucking animal walks in front of a car with fucking lights? Hello?! What a complete fucking cock. I now need to arrange a replacement car because I'm insisting that they use a BMW bodyshop as opposed to one of their approved repairers - like hell I'm using a fucking bear pit. I've seen too many bodge jobs come into Audi before because some tit didn't know where a lead should go so he has adapted some fucking idiotic loom to make it fit. My fucking arse its going there. But Mr Brooks... Shut it arsehole or I'll mow you down too.

So at 1am this morning I complete my fucking recovery journey from near Ullapool and my poor little WUF is in a compound all alone needing a new bumper, bonnet, NS wing, two new headlights, new windscreen, possible a new NS door, not getting 1st or reverse gear and all because some fucking long legged deer can't observe the fucking green cross code.

Man I hate you so much and if you hadn't have died instantly I would have kicked you over and over again til you did.

And what makes it fucking worse???? I was there to take photos of WUF, the scenery and fucking deer [smiley=bomb.gif]

I am going to open one of the bottles of whisky that my customer's gave me...


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Calm down deer. It's only an accident... :wink:


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

Wanker :lol:

I'm going to hunt down all of its fucking family and shoot them with a bb gun until they die.


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## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

I bet the deer is non to happy


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

I can only hope...


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## kmpowell (May 6, 2002)

Oh deer, hopefully your chosen garage will fawn over you when you are there. :roll:


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

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## D'OH! (Oct 5, 2008)

Maybe it was blind and had *no eye deer* you were there 

(sorry - where' me coat)


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

Here let me help you :lol:


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## skiwhiz (Feb 17, 2008)

may be it was in a hurry to get back home to look after the old deer :wink:


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

You are not helping!!!!!

And as for the old deer, its days are numbered... :evil:


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## KammyTT (Jun 28, 2006)

:lol: :lol: :lol: fucking excellent matt :lol:


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

Its nae good Kammy, nae good :lol:


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## jammyd (Oct 11, 2008)

Did you get its name and details or do you have no i-deer who he was!


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

jammyd said:


> Did you get its name and details or do you have no i-deer who he was!


I wonder if a deer head conveys the shame message as a horses head if left on one's pillow... :lol:


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## Hark (Aug 23, 2007)

Are you claiming through insurance or will it work out to dear mate? :wink:


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

[smiley=bigcry.gif]

Insurance have been notified


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## Hark (Aug 23, 2007)

On a more serious note I bet your gutted and hope it all goes back together ok. At least *noone* was hurt. Hope you get it sorted.

Mat


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

Cheers.

A weekend to forget, thats for sure


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

kmpowell said:


> Oh deer, hopefully your chosen garage will fawn over you when you are there. :roll:


D'OE! Still with insurance, it shouldn't cost you a buck.

In all seriousness, it could have been worse. Deer are heavy animals and had it gone through the screen, you might have a lot more to complain about.


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## jammyd (Oct 11, 2008)

Kell said:


> kmpowell said:
> 
> 
> > Oh deer, hopefully your chosen garage will fawn over you when you are there. :roll:
> ...


I have seen a Van after a run in with a pheasant and its windscreen ( that was messy), I shudder to think how *Deer* the repair bill will be...


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

There was a biker and pheasant incident on some program on TV a while ago. That wasn't pretty. Straight through the visor.


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

Dash said:


> There was a biker and pheasant incident on some program on TV a while ago. That wasn't pretty. Straight through the visor.


I saw that.

Not the sort of bird you want on your helmet.


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

Peasant or posh ...I aint got a preference. I'd have _any_ on mine!!


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Private Prozac said:


> Peasant or posh ...I aint got a preference. I'd have _any_ on mine!!


Never mind the posh, how about a nice slice of Thick and Thin? :lol:


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

You would though wouldn't ya?


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Private Prozac said:


> You would though wouldn't ya?


Only her. And only if she wears impossibly high heels... :wink:


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## southTT (Feb 5, 2008)

rustyintegrale said:


> Private Prozac said:
> 
> 
> > You would though wouldn't ya?
> ...


Have to be from behind, cor stand her boat
cheers
jon


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## RK07 (Jul 31, 2007)

Update.... insurance has approved repair  And Dundee Audi have lent me an A6 to keep me mobile. Estimate sent to Direct Line yesterday, engineer arrived today and repair approved this afternoon. Even replacing the paw prints  Scary thing is no mechanical work required but still £4.5k 

Thumbs up to Direct Line and Dundee Audi [smiley=thumbsup.gif]


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

rustyintegrale said:


> Private Prozac said:
> 
> 
> > Peasant or posh ...I aint got a preference. I'd have _any_ on mine!!
> ...


God! She looks horrible!!!!!!
Posh got hollows on her arms (biceps/triceps) where she should have some muscles!!
I bet she can't even lift a cup of tea


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

A3DFU said:


> I bet she can't even lift a cup of tea


She'd be too preoccupied to be making tea Dani! :wink:


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## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

Private Prozac said:


> A3DFU said:
> 
> 
> > I bet she can't even lift a cup of tea
> ...


How desperate are you to shag that ????


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## slg (May 6, 2005)

wallsendmag said:


> Private Prozac said:
> 
> 
> > A3DFU said:
> ...


Andy, that should be - "How desparate are you to shag *anything*?"


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Private Prozac said:


> A3DFU said:
> 
> 
> > I bet she can't even lift a cup of tea
> ...


Certainly not with weight training :roll:


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## SVStu (Dec 11, 2006)

Have you been back to collect the road kill? Or did the recovery man knick it? I'd have had the bugger in the boot (ahh minis dont have that big a boot) then fridge and take revenge by slowly eating it!Steak anyone?

Hope it gets sorted.


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

SVStu said:


> Hope it gets sorted.


Or should that be 'salted'? :lol:


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Private Prozac said:


> SVStu said:
> 
> 
> > Hope it gets sorted.
> ...


It certainly should be 'salted deer' :wink:


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