# hotel soap (an old gag for the newer members)



## ian_c (Aug 4, 2002)

the following are supposedly letters between a london hotel and one of its guests
they ended up being published in the sunday times

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dear maid ,

please do not leave any of those small bars of soap in my bathroom
i have brought my own bar of bath-size dial
please remove the 6 unopened little soaps from the shelf under my medicine chest , and please remove the 3 bars from my soap tray
they are in the way

thank you
s. berman
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dear room 635 ,

i am not your regular maid , she is on her day off and will be back tommorrow , thursday .
i have removed the 3 soaps from your soap tray , as requested .
i have moved the 6 soaps that were in your way on the shelf , and put them on top of the kleenex dispensor in case you change your mind .
i have left you 3 new soaps .
we are instructed by the management to leave 3 new soaps everyday

kathy , relief maid
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dear maid

i hope you are my regular maid
apparently kathy didn't tell you about my note to her reguarding the soap
when i got back to my room last night , i found you had left 3 little bars of camay on the shelf under my medicine cabinet
i am staying at the hotel for 2 weeks , and i have brought my own soap , a bar of bath-size dial , so i will not be needing the 6 little bars of camay on the shelf .
please remove them they are in the way for shaving , brushing my teeth etc.

s.berman
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dear mr. berman

my day off was wednesday , the relief maid left 3 bars of soap as we are instructed to do by the housekeeper .
i have moved the 6 bars that were in your way on the shelf , and put them in the soap tray were your dial was .
i have put the dial in the medicine cabinet for your convienience
i didn't remove the 3 bars that are left in the medicine cabinet for every new check-in , as you didn't complain about these when you checked in last friday
if i can be of further assistance , leave me another note

dotty , regular maid
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dear mr. berman

the assistant manager , mr. kensedder , told me this morning that you phoned him last night complaining about your maid service .
i have appointed a new maid to your room .
please accept my apologies for any past inconvieniences caused
if you have any future complaints , please contact me direct as then i can give you my full attention
please call extension 1108 , between 8:00 and 5:00

elaine carmann
house-keeper
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miss carmann ,

it is impossible for me to phone you , as i leave the hotel for business at 7:30 , and dont arrive back until at least 5:50
this is why i called mr. kensedder , you were allready off duty .
i only called mr. kensedder to see if he could do something about the little bars of soap in my room .
the maid you assigned must have thought i was a new check-in today , as she has left another 3 bars of camay in my medicine chest , along with the regular delivery of 3 bars on the cabinet shelf .
in my 5 days here , i have accumulated 24 little bars of soap .
why are you doing this to me ?

s. berman
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## ian_c (Aug 4, 2002)

dear mr. berman ,

i have instructed you maid , kathy , to remove all bars of soap from your room , and to stop all deliveries of new soap .
if i can be of further assistance , please call extension 1108 , between 8:00 and 5:00

elaine carmann , house-keeper
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mr . kensedder ,

my bath-size dial is missing .
i got in late last night , and every bar of soap had been taken from my room , including my bath-size dial .
i had to call the hop-boy , and he brought my 4 little bars of cashmere bouquet .

s.berman
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dear mr. berman

i have informed our house-keeper , elaine carmann , of your soap problem .
i cannot understand that you have no soap in your room , as all maids are instructed to leave 3 new bars everytime they service a room . 
this problem will be rectified without delay
sorry for any inconvenience

martin l. kensedder
assistant manager
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dear miss carmann ,

who the hell left 54 little bars of camay in my room ?
i got in last night and found 54 bars of soap in my bathroom 
i do not want 54 little bars of camay
i just want my one damn bar of bath-sized dial
do you realize i have 54 bars of soap in here ?
i only want my bar of dial
please give me back my bar of dial

s.berman
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dear mr. berman

first you complained of too much soap in your room , so i had them removed .
then , you complained to mr. kensedder that you had no soap in your room .
so i personally returned the 24 bars of camay you had , and the 3 new bars which you recieve daily .
i don't know anything about 4 bars of cashmere bouquet .
obviously kathy didn't know i allready brough you soap , so she also brought you 24 bars of camay , plus the 3 new ones you should recieve daily .
i don't know where you got the idea that the hotel supplies bath-sized dial . we do not use this brand of soap , but i managed to locate some ivory soap for you , which i have left in your room

elaine carmann , house-keeper
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miss carmann ,

just a short note to keep you upto date with my soap inventory .

as of today , i possess :

shelf under medicine cabinet = 18 camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2

on kleenex dispensor = 11 camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3

on bedroom dresser = 1 stack of 3 cashmere bouquet , 1 stack of 4 hotel-size ivory , and 8 camay in 2 stacks of 4

inside bathroom medicine cabinet = 14 camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2

in soap dish = 6 bars of camay ( very moist )

on north-east corner of tub = 1 cashmere bouquet ( slightly used )

on north-west corner of tub = 6 camay in 2 stacks of 3

can you please ask kathy , when she services my room , to make sure all stacks are neatly piled , and dusted .
also advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendancy to to tip over .
may i also suggest that my bedroom window-sill is not in use , and would make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries .

just one more thing ,
i have bought myself another bar of bath-sized dial , which i will be keeping in the hotel vault to avoid any further misunderstandins

s. berman
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## kmpowell (May 6, 2002)

classic!!!!!! ;D


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## vagman (Sep 6, 2002)

Nouvaux!!! ;D


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## ian c2 (Mar 27, 2011)

this is me !! 8) 
but i cant remember my log-in details so i had to join again ...


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## oceans7 (Oct 20, 2009)

Should'nt this be in the Show and Shine Section. :lol:


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## Brendanb86 (Feb 12, 2011)

ha ha, that is effin brilliant!!


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## jgp-tt (Feb 22, 2010)

Ian c2 Perhaps one of the maids has taken your details!

I would complain if I were you


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## ian c2 (Mar 27, 2011)

it has happened before .
i dont have the old email address , so cant reset it .


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## jgp-tt (Feb 22, 2010)

Ian c2, maybe you should speak with Ian_c, as he might have your details.

You should also cc the relief maid, to see if she has them...


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## ian_c (Aug 4, 2002)

jgp-tt said:


> Ian c2, maybe you should speak with *Ian_c*, as he might have your details.


brilliant !!!
i never noticed the dash and was trying to log-in as ian c :roll: 
now theres 2 of me .
i'm going to argue with myself via pm


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## jgp-tt (Feb 22, 2010)

Told you its was the relief maid :lol:


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

LOL Brilliant :lol: :lol: :lol:

Charlie


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