# and so it ends in death



## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

was just off for a shower and bed when the phone rang, it was michelle my old school m8's wife.
steve has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with severe spreading vto the lymph nodes and bowel!!! he is a year younger than me at 47 and has two lovely kids and a doting wife that i have known since i was fifteen years old and teased her. he is godfather two my youngest daughter and i am godfather to his son nathan who is only seven years old. very very sobbering call to receive from shel and she sounded sooooooooo brave whereas i just felt like bursting into tears at the news but didnt. bad day at black rock as the film says.


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## Hoggy (May 8, 2002)

Hi Gazzer, sorry to hear such terrible bad news.
Hoggy.


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

I've had three of these recently Gaz - good friends being diagnosed with foul stuff. I guess its our age group now sadly.

Life's a bitch sometimes, but it does make you realise how sodding lucky you are - and remember that every day.


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## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

Sad news same age as me you never know whats round the corner so enjoy life when you can


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## LordG71 (Jan 10, 2012)

Sorry mate. The best you can do at this time is be there for them when they need you. My best mates wife was diagnosed 8 weeks ago....bloody hard to accept though.

All the best Gazzer

Neil


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

It affects so many families and all you can do is offer support if and when it is needed. I am sure you will help in whatever way you can.

I know that not everyone wants to discuss these illnesses and all you can do is try and pick up the feelings of the person affected then follow their lead.

All the best Gazzer, hope their prognosis improves.


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Sorry to hear this awful news. My late brother had pancreatic cancer. If only there would ever be a cure  . Be strong xx


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## merlin c (Jan 25, 2012)

sorry to read about the bad news Gazzer, life can be terribly cruel especially to good people, so make the most of it. We only pass this way once so enjoy the ride, you never know when time will be called.


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## CWM3 (Mar 4, 2012)

Bad news ....just give the best support you can, as you will.

Been touched by it and know how much it hurts, my thoughts are with you.


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## NaughTTy (Jul 9, 2003)

Feel for you bud


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## Smeds (Oct 28, 2009)

Very sad news Gaz.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

Sorry to hear that Gaz. Keep your chin up mate,


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

really wanted to drive to tetbury today and have a brew with him, but shel has asked for a bit of breathing space as he is adamant that he only wants pain relief and nothing else. apparently there is no bloody cure when it has spread so far!!
so i pottered around all day at home and achieved loads but not sure what i have really done apart from keep busy i guess.

cheers guys for the words, wish you knew him as he isn't a gobby sod like me but a really nice family guy that dotes on his family in every way a man can.


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## Smeds (Oct 28, 2009)

My Mum had the same cancer, was very quick but gave us the chance for some very happy times together. There was lots of love and laughter in those special months and when it ended we were all prepared for it, as much as you possibly can. 
I'm sure you'll get those special times too.


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## SteviedTT (Apr 10, 2009)

Sad, sad news Gaz mate, but knowing you, Steve and his family will not want or need for anything during this difficult time. You're a true diamond Gaz, just be there for them mate, when they need you :wink:


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

SteviedTT said:


> Sad, sad news Gaz mate, but knowing you, Steve and his family will not want or need for anything during this difficult time. You're a true diamond Gaz, just be there for them mate, when they need you :wink:


thanks stevie........you know me better than i know myself it appears at times bud. pat and i have discussed tonight about sending them away for a family holiday together in the uk. he unlike me is a lover of castles and history......any ideas on where i could place them with plenty of history and a theme park for the kids also.


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

Alton Towers 

So sorry to hear this Gaz, one redeeming fact is that he has you as a mate and I have no doubt that will be of major comfort in the coming months.

I do of course still think you are a massive bell 

Charlie


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Charlie said:


> Alton Towers
> 
> So sorry to hear this Gaz, one redeeming fact is that he has you as a mate and I have no doubt that will be of major comfort in the coming months.
> 
> ...


why do you continue to praise me up chops.......you are married and not having me lol


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

i have tried a few times over the last week to contact steve and have a chat...............but always put off if i did get through by the we have visitors response can we talk later?,
ok later was friday night when steve decided that taking a whole pot of sleeping tabs and pain killers was the way to go!
got a garbled message on sat mid day i couldn't understand and was busy at work anyway so didn't pursue.

he had topped himself and despite what the pro's had told him and everyone else had said about chin up old bean etc, steve had planned his own death once he knew what was coming for sure.
now i think back i recall a few convos with him about ahh fuk it gazz ive had enuff m8 tbh i just want some peace..........i just thought him and shell had had a row or hit a trouble spot.

he had known of the cancer for over three months and said bugger all!!! i can now see the signs and yet was not there for a friend as wrapped up in my bown world of work and family. feeling pretty low as i feel if i had only been a better attentive friend maybe i could of helped him and or eased the situation


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## Adam-tt (Apr 3, 2010)

:-( sorry to hear that :-(


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## IC_HOTT (May 29, 2010)

Gazzer said:


> i have tried a few times over the last week to contact steve and have a chat - he had known of the cancer for over three months and said bugger all!!! i can now see the signs and yet was not there for a friend as wrapped up in my bown world of work and family. feeling pretty low as i feel if i had only been a better attentive friend maybe i could of helped him and or eased the situation


You couldn't do any more than you did mate - what you did was fine and normal, Steve clearly knew where he was and where he was going. You called, you made yourself available, that's all a friend can do and I'm 100% sure that's how Steve saw it.

Support Michelle now!

All the best :wink:


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## burns (Jun 2, 2009)

So sorry to hear this, Gazzer. But you mustn't blame yourself; anyone who has ever encountered you on any level knows that you have a huge heart and would walk over broken glass to help a friend.

At least Steve is now pain-free and I'm sure he is glad to have had your friendship for so long.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Sara thanks hun, but feel pretty shit right now


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

I know it is difficult but try and forget the 'Hindsight'. How many times in life do you think 'If only' or 'By the grace of god' ?

I am sure that you will have been one of the best friends Steve had and would have done anything in your power to help him if he had wanted help. Help his family if you can, that is what he would have wanted.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

It's terrible to have to lose a friend like this Gazzer but you couldn't have possibly known what Steve was planning as most people would shy away from taking their own lives. However your friend must have felt so strongly about not wanting to suffer that he was determined to acted on it while he still could.

You've tried to contact him and it was his choice not to talk to you. Sometimes letting go is all we can do how ever much it may hurt.
I'm sure you'll be there for his family if they need you and that's what he would have wanted :-*

RIP Steve


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

Incredibly sad Gaz and a great loss to his friends and family I'm sure. Keep talking mate and hopefully you can allow us to help you. Here any time mate!


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## merlin c (Jan 25, 2012)

So sorry to read the final chapter of Steve's life Gaz but you cannot and should not beat yourself up over not picking up the signals, if Steve had wanted you to know he would have told you, this was not a cry for help, this was a brave man's decision that was in no small part probably due to the fact of the suffering that his family would have to witness in the weeks to come. It is now time for your 'chin up' Gaz and to remember Steve as he would have wanted, I have no doubt you will prove to be an exceptional friend to his family in the days and months to come.

My deepest sympathies....Steve AKA Merlin


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

merlin c said:


> So sorry to read the final chapter of Steve's life Gaz but you cannot and should not beat yourself up over not picking up the signals, if Steve had wanted you to know he would have told you, this was not a cry for help, this was a brave man's decision that was in no small part probably due to the fact of the suffering that his family would have to witness in the weeks to come. It is now time for your 'chin up' Gaz and to remember Steve as he would have wanted, I have no doubt you will prove to be an exceptional friend to his family in the days and months to come.
> 
> My deepest sympathies....Steve AKA Merlin


hiys steve, i had a meet with shell tonight and the second i walked through the front door with obviously combined friends and family over just burst into tears in her arms as she cuddled me and called me a soft apeth. coroner as yet has not released his body and shell is so brave with still having to run a house and family and holding my hand to support me. once she gets the go ahead the funeral can be booked..........oh fuk its hard, brave brave strong lady is michelle. ok cry baby over.......support time is now here for her and her family (her dad once kicked my arse down his drive for farting as a 15 year old)


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## merlin c (Jan 25, 2012)

Michelle sounds like a remarkable lady and an example to us all, as are you Gazzer, as are you. [smiley=thumbsup.gif]


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## staners1 (Jan 7, 2012)

my heart goes out the the family and friends of steves, RIP steve,gazzer he be so proud of you helping to support his family in this hard time, i run a cancer charity mate so no how every1 is feeling much love to you all x


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## NaughTTy (Jul 9, 2003)

So sorry mate


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## TT-TOM (Feb 15, 2012)

Sorry for the bad news mate


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

guys gals.......................thanks for the pm's and frankly the honest messages of support to kick me up the arse to proceed with what is now the next step. funeral is still awaiting the flipping clearance from lab tests that take a minimum of two weeks derrrrr. am not looking forward to this week end as his dad...............fuckinh honey monster in size is popping over for a chat?! (unsure) so will ring in advance maybe ?

i just thank god that steve was not the kind to do as the latest nutter has and killed his own child/ren


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

Keep your chin up Gazz. B


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

I would assume that Steve's dad will just pop round to make sure you're not blaming yourself and perhaps talking about funeral arrangements.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

hi Dani, nah i am going round to his house to see him......he is a big flipping bloke mind and just glad he isn't rolloking me as he used to as a teen. shell has mailed me with inner thoughts and fears, maybe it was easier for her to do that than face to face with everyone.
thanks again guys gals for the kind words it means a lot.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

all you can do is listen mate and that is invariably enough even if it feels it isn't - our thoughts are with you. B


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

BrianR said:


> all you can do is listen mate and that is invariably enough even if it feels it isn't - our thoughts are with you. B


i have help carried three coffins in the last year due to the afghan thing and in a clear mood and place to do this! even if it is a personal thing for a client or family


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