# Duck ... incoming!



## John-H (Jul 13, 2005)

A duck goes into a chemist and says, "Have you got any Lipsalve?"
The chemist sees the duck doesn't have a wallet and says, "How are you going to pay?" The duck says, "Just put it on my bill".

I used to watch an amazing duck that danced on top of a biscuit tin every night at the local theatre magic act. One night the duck just stood there. Nothing.... 
I asked the sad magician after the show at the bar, what happened? He said, "The candle went out".

Q. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? 
A. Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers.

A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up shouting, "Stop!!!"
The duck says, "Why?"
The chicken says, "Exactly. You'll never hear the end of it..."


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## Hoggy (May 8, 2002)

:lol: :lol: 
Hoggy.


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## j8keith (Jun 26, 2009)

Quackers :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## John-H (Jul 13, 2005)




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## Stiff (Jun 15, 2015)

:lol:


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## SPECSMAN (Oct 11, 2016)

Another one that is better when spoken.........

"have you ever been too a duck-do" (sounds similar to a Hen-do)

.

'

"No!; what's a Duck-do?"

....

.....

......

"Quack -quack"..

Like I say, better face to face!

8)

I'll get me coat


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## dafeller (Mar 29, 2016)

John-H said:


> A duck goes into a chemist and says, "Have you got any Lipsalve?"
> The chemist sees the duck doesn't have a wallet and says, "How are you going to pay?" The duck says, "Just put it on my bill".
> 
> The same duck goes back to the chemist the next day and asks for a condom. The chemist smirks and says 'I suppose you want me to put that on your bill'. 'Feck no' says the duck, 'what kind of a duck do you think I am?"


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## dafeller (Mar 29, 2016)

John-H said:


> A duck goes into a chemist and says, "Have you got any Lipsalve?"
> The chemist sees the duck doesn't have a wallet and says, "How are you going to pay?" The duck says, "Just put it on my bill".
> 
> The same duck goes back to the chemist the next day and asks for a condom. The chemist smirks and says 'I suppose you want me to put that on your bill'. 'Feck no' says the duck, 'what kind of a duck do you think I am?"


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## 3TT3 (Aug 30, 2014)

:lol:


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## Sticks (Sep 3, 2008)

I had a duck curry the other night. It was pretty good, until I got the bill.


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## John-H (Jul 13, 2005)

I had a Tarka curry. It's like a normal one only a little otter!


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## j8keith (Jun 26, 2009)

John-H said:


> I had a Tarka curry. It's like a normal one only a little otter!


That is terrible John :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Stiff (Jun 15, 2015)

Good job you didn't have a dodgy Tikka


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