# Crap Adverts



## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

Now I've got more time on my hands and the telly gets a bit of a kickin', I'd like to compile a list of really the worst ads on the box at the minute. These first 5 really make my shit itch and the people who dreamt them up should be terminated with extreme prejudice.
Please feel free to add your own 

USwitch.com. The gospel singing bunch of annoying wankers.

Injurylawyers4u. Patrician looking, can't hit a punchbag, fucking annoying bitch......................100% lawyers, 100% compensation, 100% pile of dogshit.

Elephant.co.uk. Searching for even cheaper car insurance in a the hot house at Kew, wearing a false 'tasche with twat in an elephant suit.

Glade touch n fresh, or whatever it's called. The oriental kid on the bog whining that it stinks and "It's all gone, it's all gone". It stinks 'cos you've probably just eaten someones dog, it's all gone 'cos you fucking stink..............................cause and effect sunshine.

This last one has been commented on, on the forum before, and deserves another mention for it's utter wankness and annoyance factor. I'll leave it for you to guess, giving only a brief description.

Geordie woman (with the kiddie catcher from Chitty's nose), trying to sort out a loan whilst fending off questions from her equally annoying kid.
The rest I leave to you, flame away!!


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## JohnDonovan (Jul 13, 2005)

LakesTTer said:


> Glade touch n fresh, or whatever it's called. The oriental kid on the bog whining that it stinks and "It's all gone, it's all gone". It stinks 'cos you've probably just eaten someones dog, it's all gone 'cos you fucking stink..............................cause and effect sunshine.


PMSL 

....I'm getting worried now - off to China for 2 months for work, and my girlfriend watched some show with Paul Merton in China last week and he was eating a donkeys cock!

I hope there's some better food on offer than that!


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## digimeisTTer (Apr 27, 2004)

Best one i've seen recently is for Path Clear - truly LOL!


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## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

digimeisTTer said:


> Best one i've seen recently is for Path Clear - truly LOL!


It's not best ones!!!!.................................. It's worst ones.....................................Jesus!!!!


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## Widget (May 7, 2002)

JohnDonovan said:


> LakesTTer said:
> 
> 
> > Glade touch n fresh, or whatever it's called. The oriental kid on the bog whining that it stinks and "It's all gone, it's all gone". It stinks 'cos you've probably just eaten someones dog, it's all gone 'cos you fucking stink..............................cause and effect sunshine.
> ...


Me too :lol:


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## Lavender (Oct 22, 2006)

Have you seen the ad for stool softener? Three ladies having lunch, one pops to the loo and when she gets back complains that she's just done a really hard poo! Amazingly one of her friends just happens to have a packet of poo softener in her handbag!!!


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## phodge (Sep 1, 2002)

The one with some huge obese bloke having hysterical fits of laughter because he is spraying his fence.......

WTF??


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## Guest (May 29, 2007)

Lavender said:


> Have you seen the ad for stool softener? Three ladies having lunch, one pops to the loo and when she gets back complains that she's just done a really hard poo! Amazingly one of her friends just happens to have a packet of poo softener in her handbag!!!


I live for that scenario.


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## TTonyTT (Apr 24, 2006)

Lavender said:


> Have you seen the ad for stool softener? Three ladies having lunch, one pops to the loo and when she gets back complains that she's just done a really hard poo! Amazingly one of her friends just happens to have a packet of poo softener in her handbag!!!


What women keep in their handbags :roll:


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## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

phodge said:


> The one with some huge obese bloke having hysterical fits of laughter because he is spraying his fence.......
> 
> WTF??


I hate that one as well, and if you notice, every garden comes complete with it's own fat bastard.

Here's another.

FUCKING SHEILA'S WHEELS!!! :x :x :x WE DON'T SAY "BONZER" or "BONZA" or whatever the fuck it is, IN ENGLAND!!! We drink tea and say "What ho" and "spiffing".  

FUCK OFF SHEILA!!


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## moley (May 14, 2002)

The most anoying advert for me at the moment is that one for fresh breath chewing gum for people who have dog breath. Can't remember the name of it (see, what a crap advert) but it has an arsehole apparenetly randomly pulled off the street and given a white grandad all in one pair of longjohn's to wear. They then do some kung fu actions to the accompianment of a guy (mexican or spanish looking) strumming a guitar. What the fuck is that all about :x

Moley


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## Ashtray_Girl (Nov 27, 2006)

^ what ad's that for? sounds shite how is that relevant?!

the one that used to irritate me was a car advert with one of those freaky puppets in it, the ones with the evil chins! he kept popping up all the time, might have been for ford focus or something, it was a long time ago but i am still traumatised from it....


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## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

Ashtray_Girl said:


> ^ what ad's that for? sounds shite how is that relevant?!
> 
> the one that used to irritate me was a car advert with one of those freaky puppets in it, the ones with the evil chins! he kept popping up all the time, might have been for ford focus or something, it was a long time ago but i am still traumatised from it....


Freaky puppets was for a corsa i think, they kept shouting "C'MON". I don't remember any others, but you're right, it was annoying as fuck.


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## Ashtray_Girl (Nov 27, 2006)

Yeah i am sure that's it! and some air hostesses in the car too! i am sure it went on for about a year


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## mike_bailey (May 7, 2002)

Hate the 118118 ads in the commercial breaks during Lost.


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## marcusgilbert (Jan 22, 2007)

Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,

Aaaaarrrrgghhhhhh!!!!!! Makes me murderous! :twisted:.


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## whirlypig (Feb 20, 2003)

For me, the Vauxhall ad with two fat whining droning northern kids does it for me. I won't buy a Vauxhall for that reason alone... :roll:


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## phodge (Sep 1, 2002)

LakesTTer said:


> Ashtray_Girl said:
> 
> 
> > ^ what ad's that for? sounds shite how is that relevant?!
> ...


It's cos they were advertising it as a car for muppets.


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

marcusgilbert said:


> Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> ...


You beat me to it.

"Hi, I'm Barry Scott!".

Who the F*** is Barry Scott.

Pisses me right off.


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## marcusgilbert (Jan 22, 2007)

StuarTT said:


> marcusgilbert said:
> 
> 
> > Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> ...


It's an anagram of "brat or cyst" - both of which would describe the tw*t. :lol: 
.


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## genie_v1 (Aug 2, 2002)

> mike_bailey Posted: 29 May 2007 21:54 Post subject:
> 
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> ...


Id f*#@ing love to see those ads, but the f*#@ers at Telewest-NTL-Virgin- -Sky con-f*#@ing-spired to rob me of LOST

[email protected]*rds


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## Lavender (Oct 22, 2006)

Who started this topic, we could be here for bloody years, there are so many shite ads out there! We're going the way of the Americans, they've got more ads than TV.


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## mike_bailey (May 7, 2002)

genie_v1 said:


> > mike_bailey Posted: 29 May 2007 21:54 Post subject:
> >
> > --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >
> ...


Well, if it's any consolation the series just got better and better and ended last weekend but 24 was bollox


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## TeeTees (Mar 9, 2006)

How does the Chinese kiddy in the "it's all gone, it's all gone" Glade advert get that note under the door from such a distance ?

He surely must get off the crapper, spreading the sh!t between his cheeks, running down his legs, spraying it all over the floor before getting back on the seat to press the damn smelly thing that chokes you to death.


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## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

Lavender said:


> Who started this topic, we could be here for bloody years, there are so many shite ads out there! We're going the way of the Americans, they've got more ads than TV.


It was me, guilty as charged :lol:

Hastings car insurance!!! First they hit you you with "0800 001066" , which is that annoying it hangs around in your head for ages. Then we get "Hastings direct . com, Hastings direct . commmmmmon", while silly bollocks tries to walk like an Egyptian. Also look behind the kid when he's doing the phone number, there's a picture on the table of him and his "Dad".......................no mother!!! Harry Hastings is either gay or divorced, or possibly widowed, either way, he should spend some money and get himself and his kid some decent clothes.

Here's a question. The Strongbow add where the 3 lads are at the bar and the pie head in the middle orders 2 largers and a Strongbow. We then get the extended exhalation of satisfaction as he takes his first mouthful, the world carries on around him, a footy match and the old dear waving the charity tin.
When he finally breaks from his reverie, he asks his mates if the want crisps, then walks off in the opposite direction from the bar?? Where is he going for his crisps??


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## TeeTees (Mar 9, 2006)

Picture (loans).....the dodgy bird who ends up saying "Josh, Dads found yer scoota" :x


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## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

TeeTees said:


> Picture (loans).....the dodgy bird who ends up saying "Josh, Dads found yer scoota" :x


That was the last one of my original 5 and it's just been on :x She is an arse!!


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

Michael C*nting Winner ads.


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## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

garyc said:


> Michael C*nting Winner ads.


YEAH!!!

The Brylcreme ads that come on before the adverts during Soccer AM.


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## Guest (May 31, 2007)

The anti piracy trailer at the beginning of dvd's does my head in.
"would you steal a car", etc.
Makes you wanna buy pirate dvd's just so you dont have to fuckin sit through it.


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## Steve_Mc (May 6, 2002)

The "Ariel with Fabreeze" one with the kid sniffing all the furniture, before moving on to sniffing the laundry, putting pair of pants on head, and comedy stumbling into wall ensuing.

An advert that truly is a c*nt in c*nts clothing.


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## GoingTTooFast (Apr 4, 2006)

That fucking cow on the picture loans advert does my head in. I posted a flame about that a few months back.

'Why, it's always like that in this house. But at least I can get me finances sorted'

Fuck off, and take your gormless husband and twatty son with you. And his scooter.

C*nts.


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## TeeTees (Mar 9, 2006)

The stoopid Cadbury's Cream bar things (in between Corrie).

He says (in that annoying voice) "How do you EGG-stract the fondant"

She says (in her annoying voice) "...Just EGG-speriment !"

I soooo wanna punch 'em both !! :x


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## R70 TTC (Nov 30, 2006)

TeeTees said:


> How does the Chinese kiddy in the "it's all gone, it's all gone" Glade advert get that note under the door from such a distance ?
> 
> He surely must get off the crapper, spreading the sh!t between his cheeks, running down his legs, spraying it all over the floor before getting back on the seat to press the damn smelly thing that chokes you to death.


 :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## R70 TTC (Nov 30, 2006)

DUO3 NAN said:


> The anti piracy trailer at the beginning of dvd's does my head in.
> "would you steal a car", etc.
> Makes you wanna buy pirate dvd's just so you dont have to fuckin sit through it.


I had a pirate DVD of the anti piracy trailer once it was shit


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## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

GoingTTooFast said:


> That fucking cow on the picture loans advert does my head in. I posted a flame about that a few months back.
> 
> 'Why, it's always like that in this house. But at least I can get me finances sorted'
> 
> ...


So it was you!! I didn't think the original could be topped for wankiness, you know, the pie head and his football?? Well they managed to top it and then some. She needs to spend less time on the phone and more time tidying up her house and getting gormless kid to put his shit away.


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## GoingTTooFast (Apr 4, 2006)

LakesTTer said:


> GoingTTooFast said:
> 
> 
> > That fucking cow on the picture loans advert does my head in. I posted a flame about that a few months back.
> ...


If I could have a day in the life of somebody else I'd be the prick that writes these adverts.

I'd go on live TV, apologise for all the distress that I've caused over the years, shortly before ending my own life. An act known, I believe, as 'countryside'.


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## FinFerNan (Feb 28, 2007)

With you Marcus - Cillit Bang (or what ever) That bloke is a total fuckwit. Imagine living next door to the jerk off!

The other adverts that curl my toes, are those involving has been twats banging on about electric garage doors, someone squash that fucking dog! And pointless sodding electric canopy things. Who the fuck would pay good money for this shite.

Love my own leccy garage door though :roll:


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## Duncdude (Feb 27, 2007)

TeeTees said:


> The stoopid Cadbury's Cream bar things (in between Corrie).
> 
> He says (in that annoying voice) "How do you EGG-stract the fondant"
> 
> ...


 :evil: That annoying posh yakkin bint wants a good punch in the ovaries!


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## mac's TT (May 13, 2006)

That's called fisting I've heard. V will be along to verify :lol: :wink:


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## IainWil (Jun 4, 2007)

marcusgilbert said:


> Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> Cillit Bang, Cillit Bang, Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang,
> ...


Great story about that, was reading not so long ago about a bloke who was working on his lawn mower, as usual cleaning the carbs and the like he'd got petrol down the sink, decided that "Cilit Bang" was the best thing to clean the sink with......well guess what........ it does exactly as it says.
BANG and his kitchen was gone, mixed with the petrol and blew up! :lol:


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## Johnnywb (May 31, 2006)

I'm amazed no ones suggested the fucking annoying kid in the frosties adverts;

'It's gonna taste greeeaat, it's gonna taste greeeaat'

Shut up you annoying little twat.


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## YES ME LADY (May 17, 2007)

Lets hope he chokes on the fucking frosties!!!!! Any advert for accidents at work really wind me up, bit of common sense is all that is needed!!! And that prick from the halifax!


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

TeeTees said:


> The stoopid Cadbury's Cream bar things (in between Corrie).
> 
> He says (in that annoying voice) "How do you EGG-stract the fondant"
> 
> ...


Yep one of my annoying ones too


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## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

Johnnywb said:


> I'm amazed no ones suggested the fucking annoying kid in the frosties adverts;
> 
> 'It's gonna taste greeeaat, it's gonna taste greeeaat'
> 
> Shut up you annoying little twat.


I think i read somewhere that the kid was actually receiving death threats 'cos of that ad, and he's disappeared [smiley=skull.gif]


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