# Bad films!!!



## bash-the-monkey (Jun 5, 2002)

Some days you wonder why you bother to watch a film - I've reviewed two films recently that scored the coveted 0/10 target.

Is it just me or are films getting crapper/more desperate?

And what is the worst film EVER (we're not talking about a film that had its bad moments, or that it was a little boring - we're talking about the biggest pile of shite to have ever graced cinema!)

Bash
www.bashthemonkey.com - heavily updated film reviews (even if they are crap!)


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## coupe-sport (May 7, 2002)

You scored 6/10 for 40 days and 40 nights which is pure shite - a worrying lack of judgement


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## sonnyikea (Dec 31, 2002)

I've got some for you:

Magnolia - WTF ??? Why bother? - pointless waste of nearly 3 hours. Although highly praised by those that know.

25th Hour - Why bother again ??? Pointless story no need to tell it - would have expected better from Spike Lee.

Donnie Darko - Again why bother? No point to the film not entertaining in anyway, yet highly praised by those that know.

Dude Wheres my Car? - more entertaining than the above but still a very very bad film.

These are the more recent ones I could go back further but the list would be endless :-/

Cheers

Craig

PS: At least 40 days and 40 nights was slightly amusing in places and entertained


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## bash-the-monkey (Jun 5, 2002)

The hardest thing is to sticking to your initial review - i.e if I watched something like SIGNS again, I might enjoy it a bit more as i'd expect the crap ending.

Although I did watch 40 Days & 40 Nights again cos my sis-in-law wanted to watch it and that's a film that is worse second time round - but do I go back and change my initial score?

Another good example is Leningrad Cowboys Go America - watched it the first time and it was complete shite.

Watched it many months later, whilst out of my face, and it was brilliant. Couldn't remember what happened in the film, but it was superb. ;D

Bash
www.bashthemonkey.com


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## bash-the-monkey (Jun 5, 2002)

agree with Magnolia - i'd rather watch the paint colour dry again.

Same again for 25th Hour

What about The English Patient?

Bash
www.bashthemonkey.com


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## sonnyikea (Dec 31, 2002)

Never seen it and I don't think I could put myself through it. Took me long enough to get round to Dances With Wolves, which was surprisingly good as I can't stand Costner.

(The relevance between the two is the length of the film - in case my mind is wandering and no one is following  )


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## coupe-sport (May 7, 2002)

> What about The English Patient?


Very good film - long, but a nice story, beautiful cinematography and soundtrack and its got Kristin Scott Thomas in it.

Shame on you for no American Beauty review ...


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## raven (May 7, 2002)

I thought the Matrix sequel was awful.


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## andytt (Sep 25, 2002)

SonnyIkea?..... 
"Why didn't you like Dude Where's my car"

ok, i'm 22 and maybe it appeals to me because i'm more childish / immature than you? (guessing ur older)... But I laughed a LOT a WHOLE LOT during that movie!!

"What does mine say... DOOD!!"
"what does mine say... SWEEET!!"

LMFAO


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## sonnyikea (Dec 31, 2002)

Andy,

I did laugh most of the way through it - a group of us all went to see it at the same time. Never have I laughed so much just getting a ticket for the cinema ;D

However it is still a truely awful film and no amount of stupidness will ever change that.

Cheers

Craig

PS: not much older than you (27)


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## newcasTTle (Nov 29, 2002)

watched xXx yesterday - total drivel from beginning to end - worst film i've seen all year... previous winner was "my best friend's wedding"...


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## aidb (Mar 19, 2003)

Worst film of all time contender?

Battlefield Earth. ;D


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## andytt (Sep 25, 2002)

craig - it's a Brilliant-stupid film then?! ;D

Worst film ever ever ever.. the only film i've ever contemplated leaving was the man who wasn't there(?) with Billy Bob thornton in it.. MOFO black and white.

he might as well have been the man who wasn't there - they could have played Ghostbusters instead!

rockon.


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## head_ed (Dec 10, 2002)

28 days.....what a load of cack!
My little eye (if that's what it's called)...yawn
Donnie Darko...just plain odd with no point to it... :-/
And too many that we've forgotten the titles of...thankfully!


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## raven (May 7, 2002)

I thought 28 Days was great - especially the bit when they were driving along the motorway, and no cars were around, the windmills, and Brian Eno was playing in the background... brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.... :'(


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## TTurbo (Jul 5, 2002)

> 28 days.....what a load of cack!


At last someone else who thinks 28 days is a load of crap!
The only film I've ever left the cinema before the end of - absolutely abysmal acting and storyline.


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## bash-the-monkey (Jun 5, 2002)

People people people

We're after films so bad you'd sell your own mother not to have to watch them again.

Basie Moi (utter crap - depended on creating controversy to increase interest)

The Real Cancun - imagine The Real World only in film form with really annoying Americans (who it turns out are actually actors and not 'real' students on Spring Break)

Bash
www.bashthemonkey.com


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## imster (Apr 26, 2003)

Dreamcatcher was an utter load of dogs doo. If anyone liked that movie they must be mentally disturbed


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## Dubcat (Jun 10, 2002)

I loved Donnie Darko .. and enjoyed Dude Wheres my Car too! 

Lake Placid - now THERE is a film that makes you think, "where did the last 100 minutes of my life just go - oh no - they are wasted and gone - and i cant get them back again".

Utter crud. -5 out of 10.

W.


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## mike_bailey (May 7, 2002)

All of the Star Trek movies except 2 and 3 were crap and I'm a Trekie. The Usual Suspects and Reservoir Dogs are two of my all time faves (and I loved Spiderman).


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

I remeber going to see 'Soap' (I think it was called that) with Whoopie Goldberg and it's the only film I've ever left before the end of.

The only reason we went to see it was because of a mix-up with our tickets, so we went in to see it fro free. But it was so bad that even seeing it for free wasn't worth it.


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

just checked - it was actually called soapdish.


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## newcasTTle (Nov 29, 2002)

apparently "step mom" is as good as it sounds and the last stallone pic sucked ass big time...


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## Guest (Jul 11, 2003)

THE worst film ever is a made for TV straight to video outing called "Metal Beast". I would chew my own ar off not to see it again though it seems to have a cult following due to it starring Barry Bostwick and it being riddled with howling inconsistencies.

Bash: shame on you for only giving Brotherhood of the Wolf a 7! It is at least a 9.

Stteve


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## vernan (May 27, 2002)

Only fil I've evr walked out of was Eraserhead. Was told "you need to be stoned to see it". So i got stoned and went and saw it again. Still rubbish.

Honourable mention for the Matrix. Reasonably good fight scene at the end. That's it. In every other aspect, piss-poor, especially the teenage philosophising. Compare it against Bladerunner to see how astonishingly trite and poorly made it is.


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## Gren (Jul 25, 2002)

How about 'The evil beneath Loch Ness'. Was doing the rounds on Sky the other month.

Dodgy scottish accents only slightly lifted by the bird that was in '3 up 2 down' with Michael Elphick. The one who was a model and went off to 'crack Hollywood'

Awful. But I've watched it 3 times :-X

Gren


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

It's gotta be The Matrix. Far too much ****-eroticism for comfort.

............._scarpers back to Flame Room_


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## snaxo (May 31, 2002)

Only films I have ever walked out of the cinema for are:

a) Damage
b) Magnolia

Both are utter, utter tripe - 0 entertainment value no matter how 'arty' either may be.

Damian


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## bash-the-monkey (Jun 5, 2002)

> Bash: shame on you for only giving Brotherhood of the Wolf a 7! It is at least a 9


check your eyesight - its an eight 

Bash
www.bashthemonkey.com

PS doesn't Monica Bellucci look soooooo much better in that than The Matrix Reloaded?


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## bash-the-monkey (Jun 5, 2002)

Here's a definative list - (and there are some even I've not heard about!!!)

from IMDB: Top 40 worst films ever - with scores out of 10 after the year

1 From Justin to Kelly (2003) 1.6 (1129 votes) 
2 Manos, the Hands of Fate (1966) 1.6 (4378 votes) 
3 Troll 2 (1990) 1.7 (1035 votes) 
4 Space Mutiny (1988) 1.7 (1024 votes) 
5 Eegah (1962) 1.8 (651 votes) 
6 Future War (1995) 1.8 (779 votes) 
7 Hobgoblins (1987) 1.8 (1411 votes) 
8 Backyard Dogs (2000) 1.8 (878 votes) 
9 Santa with Muscles (1996) 1.9 (1723 votes) 
10 Going Overboard (1989) 2.1 (634 votes) 
11 Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994) 2.1 (3500 votes) 
12 Werewolf (1996) 2.1 (673 votes) 
13 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) 2.2 (1208 votes) 
14 Glitter (2001) 2.2 (2950 votes) 
15 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997) 2.2 (667 votes) 
16 Leonard Part 6 (1987) 2.2 (1619 votes) 
17 Kazaam (1996) 2.3 (1914 votes) 
18 Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000) 2.3 (9984 votes) 
19 Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996) 2.4 (1629 votes) 
20 Baby Geniuses (1999) 2.4 (1823 votes) 
21 It's Pat (1994) 2.4 (1647 votes) 
22 Hercules in New York (1970) 2.4 (1405 votes) 
23 Mitchell (1975) 2.6 (878 votes) 
24 Jaws: The Revenge (1987) 2.6 (3264 votes) 
25 2001: A Space Travesty (2000) 2.6 (840 votes) 
26 Bolero (1984) 2.7 (920 votes) 
27 Cool as Ice (1991) 2.7 (759 votes) 
28 Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989) 2.7 (2840 votes) 
29 Smokey and the Bandit III (1983) 2.7 (882 votes) 
30 Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The (1994) 2.7 (1389 votes) 
31 Teen Wolf Too (1987) 2.7 (1378 votes) 
32 Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988) 2.8 (3355 votes) 
33 Steel (1997) 2.8 (850 votes) 
34 Captain America (1991) 2.8 (771 votes) 
35 VercingÃ©torix (2001) 2.8 (776 votes) 
36 Mannequin: On the Move (1991) 2.8 (704 votes) 
37 Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981) 2.8 (797 votes) 
38 Rollerball (2002) 2.9 (2755 votes) 
39 Problem Child 2 (1991) 2.9 (2080 votes) 
40 Ringmaster (1998) 2.9 (958 votes)

Bash
www.bashthemonkey.com


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## ab_225tt (Aug 27, 2002)

matrix II AWFUL


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## imster (Apr 26, 2003)

Bash????

Wheres dreamcatcher in your list???????


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## newcasTTle (Nov 29, 2002)

how about 2f2f 2 - nominated for the neons! ;D


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## russell2002 (May 27, 2002)

Matrix 2 runish aye,

People say that who dont understand the film.... 

Like me the first time, after a second watch it went from ok to o my god.....


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## saint (Dec 6, 2002)

Terminator 3

Same story as T2 - and nowhere near as good as original


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## Ruffles (May 6, 2002)

Okokok.. in keeping with the original thread..

Attack of the Killer Bimbos (oh my gawd)
The Bruce (extreme yawn)
Every single sequel to Highlander (I still don't know why I went after the first sequel was so bad)
Beowulf (Beoshite more like)


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## bash-the-monkey (Jun 5, 2002)

that's more like it -

Has anyone else ever watched "THE BERSERKER" - real crap horror film about a bunch of teens in a cabin being killed by some viking berserker or something like that.

Its the reason my brother wasn't allowed to go and rent a video by himself for four years after he chose that.

Bash
www.bashthemonkey.com

PS T3 isn't that bad - okay Arnie might be a little slower and a little more wrinkled but at least he kept the crap lines to a minimum (the awful -"I'm back" and the "she'll be back" were the worst!)


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## saint (Dec 6, 2002)

"Talk to the hand" ;D


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## bash-the-monkey (Jun 5, 2002)

didn't you think that the T-X looked a lot like Tamzin Outhwaite (however you spell it?) - the bint out of Eastenders and Red Caps?

Bash
www.bashthemonkey.com

PS I'd prefer the T-X - sexy killing machine in very tight red leathers........mmmmmmmmmm.....


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## saint (Dec 6, 2002)

Yeah - not bad looking - saw her on Leno the other night . Claire Danes ain't too bad either.


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## Ruffles (May 6, 2002)

I really liked T3.

It especially made me laugh, the reworking of the now constant theme and essential component at the start of the film when Arnie needs clothes. Sending him to a hard bar at ladies night when the male strippers are working was a very nice touch.

Talk to the hand also made me roar.

I really cannot understand why people overanalyse a movie like T3 and pick out plot holes. Gimme a break. There's a film called "Sweet Liberty" with Alan Alda who plays an author whose book is being made into a holywood film. The director tells him there are only three components of a good film:

1. defy authority
2. destroy property
3. take peoples' clothes off

T3 certainly had a good helping of 1 and 2 and a reasonable amount of 3 as well.

That chase sequence with the heavy vehicle. What can I say. Women drivers...


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## newcasTTle (Nov 29, 2002)

just spotted this on the canal+ schedule - "chuck & buck" being made to watch this film will make you eat your trainers in an attempt to choke yourself before the end...


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