# It's great to be a bloke because:



## mighTy Tee (Jul 10, 2002)

It's great to be a bloke because: 
Your arse is never a factor in a job interview. 
Your orgasms are real. Always. 
Your last name stays put. 
The garage is all yours. 
Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. 
Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut. 
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 
Wrinkles add character. 
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished. 
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. 
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 
The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected. 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 
Porn movies are designed with you in mind. 
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. 
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?" 
You can appreciate great sport. 
You can throw a ball more than 5 feet. 
One mood, ALL the damn time. 
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. 
You can open all your own jars. 
Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind. 
You can go to a public toilet without a support group. 
You can leave a hotel bed unmade. 
You can kill your own food. 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. 
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. 
Everything on your face stays its original colour. 
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 
You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming. 
You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 
You don't mooch off other's desserts. 
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours. 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 
You don't have to shave below your neck. 
Your belly usually hides your big hips. 
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons. 
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife. 
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. 
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. 
Same job, more pay. 
The world is your urinal


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## Lisa. (May 7, 2002)

But surely blokes are just like computers!

*They have a lot of data but are still clueless
*A better model is always just around the corner.
*They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
*Its always necessary to have a back up.
*They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
*The best part of having one is the games you can play with them.
*They get hot when you turn them on-and thats the only time you get their full attention.
*The lights are on but nobody's home
*Big power surges knock them out for the night.
*Size DOES matter
*They're heavily dependant on external tools and equipment
*They periodically cut off when you think you've established a connection.


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

That funny, Lisa...

I always thought it was WOMEN that were exactly like computers...

You never know how much either means to you til they go down on you......


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## Lisa. (May 7, 2002)

Very good, I like that. ;D

What's the difference between a man and a computer?
You only have to punch the information into a computer once.

What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A computer doesn't laugh at a 3.5 inch floppy.

Why are blokes like computers:
They never have enough memory

They're supposed to solve your problems, but half the time they are the ones that cause them.

As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you'd waited a little longer you could have had a better model.  Â


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

Differences between computers and women?

Computers are logical, for a start..... 

oh, and when computers go down on you, they damn well do it properly. you are screwed for a week..... and you need "PC RepairMan" to come and make right the damage!

Women ARE like computer screens. 15" just isn't enough these days......

And women (drivers) are REALLY like my old laptop. Take ages to "turn on", and ALWAYS crashing......


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## Lisa. (May 7, 2002)

Actually men are like lava lamps.... fun to look at, but not all that bright. 8)

They are like public toilets because they are either being used, totally vacant or full of crap.

Men are like floor tiles.......lay them right the first time, and you can walk over them for the rest of your life   ;D

But what would the world be like without men.......full of happy, fat, buzzing women. Oh yeah. ;D


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

And women are like parking spaces. All the best ones are taken, and the remainder are disabled or "mother and baby".....


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## Lisa. (May 7, 2002)

What do you call a bloke with 90% of his intelligence gone?

Divorced!


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