# Darwin Awards 2003



## kmpowell (May 6, 2002)

The Darwin is awarded every year by the Aussie press, to the person who died (or almost died) in the stupidest way. They are all 100% genuine.

Nominee No. 1:
[San Jose Mercury News]: 
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2:
[Kalamazoo Gazette]: 
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was killed as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive
shaft."

Nominee No. 3:
[Hickory Daily Record]: 
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he put it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4:
[UPI, Toronto]: 
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday Evening as he was demonstrating the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 5:
[Bloomberg News Service]: 
A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. An autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage. It was just the right combination of foods, and the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud hanging over his bed. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalised.

Nominee No. 6:
[The News of the Weird]: 
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction, but his sentence had just been reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 7:
[The Indianapolis Star]: 
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' home about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gun powder ignited.

Nominee No. 8:
[Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: 
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony."

Finally, Nominee No. 9, The Winner!!!: 
[Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: 
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder
reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. When the headlights malfunctioned, the two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. A replacement fuse was not available, but Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fitted perfectly into the fuse box. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After travelling approximately twenty miles the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require surgery to repair the testicle. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. Upon being notified of the wreck, Poole's wife asked how many frogs the boys had caught, and did anyone get them from the truck.


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

Still damn funny but they are the same ones doing the rounds about 9 months ago as the 2002 awards.

You can still imagine some idiots doing those things though!


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## Guest (Jan 24, 2003)

[smiley=thumbsup.gif]


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

Brilliant


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## nutts (May 8, 2002)

One of the funniest Darwin winners is below...... ;D

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of 
smoldering metal embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off -- actually a solid fuel rocket) unit that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! 
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 MPH and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver (soon to be pilot) most likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-18 jocks under full afterburners, basically causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from steering wheel. 
Only goes to show: speeding never killed anybody; stopping did.


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

He he! remember that one from last year I think, only in America ! ;D


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