# An extract from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue



## John-H

Introduction by Jack Dee:

The team are going to give full vent to their acting skills now in the round called "Sound Charades". It's a radio version of the old TV favourite "Give us a clue". In the original, mimes were conducted in total silence, to an ecstatic audience. The team's version is exactly the same except for the two bits I just told you about.

The grand master of the game was Lionel Blair, who always treated his team well, even taking them on expensive holidays. Christopher Biggins recalls once climbing out of the swimming pool, a little shivery and dripping wet, when Lionel kindly tossed him over a towel.

Tim and Jeremy, you're to start please ....


----------



## davelincs

:lol:


----------



## Mack The Knife

On the BBC Radio show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the late Humphrey Littleton gave details of what Samantha, the scorer, will be doing while the teams are playing one of the rounds. And what she will be doing is both appropriate and relevant to the topic of that particular round and sometimes inappropriate and irreverent ...

(during the Car Mechanics' Song Book round) ...so while Samantha and I pop out to check my dipstick...

(during the Furniture Makers Song Book round) ...so while Samantha pops out to French polish her tall boy...

(during the Newsagents' Song Book round) ...so while Samantha pops out to enjoy a large pull-out supplement...

(during the Late Arrivals at the Countrymans' Ball round) ...so while Samantha goes off for a few days with the lads of the Guildford Hounds - she says you can't beat fourteen hands of hunter underneath you...

(during the Smokers' Film Club round)...so while Samantha nips backstage to enjoy twenty King Size Players...

(during the Builders' Film Club round)...so while Samantha nips out to meet a roofer in order to get felt laid down in the loft...

(during the Computer Operators' Film Club round) ... Samantha tells me she's had to nip out to meet a nice chap who's training her in computer skills. Tonight, she hopes he's going to show her the 3.5 inch floppy he's got in his Mac...

(during the Late Arrivals at the Overweight Ball round) ... Samantha says she likes to keep in trim lifting weights, so while she nips out to her new gym to enjoy a good half hour's pumping...

(during the Hairdressers' Film Club round) ... Senior stylist Samantha has been called back to the salon, where there's a regular client waiting to have his length adjusted, before she finishes him off with an expert blow...

(during the Late Arrivals at the Insects' Ball round) ... Samantha has got to go off early to meet an entomologist friend who's been showing her his collection of winged insects. They've already covered his bees and wasps, and tonight she's hoping to go through his flies...


----------



## Mack The Knife

(during the Welsh Song Book round) ... Samantha has to nip off the the National Opera, where she's been giving private tuitions to the singers. Having seen what she did with the baritone, the director is keen to see what she might do for a tenor...

(during the Late Arrivals at the Hoteliers' Ball round) ... Before we start, Samantha has to pop off to continue her evening job trying out country house hotel rooms for a travel guide book. She tells me she enjoys a different local inn every night...

(during the Hospital Book Club round) ... Incidentally, Samantha tells me she's off with a team of local paramedics this evening. They're so excited at the thought, they can't wait for her to arrive so they can get their ambulance & stretcher out for the night...

(during the Bankers' Film Club round) ... so while Samantha and I nip out with my flexible friend to make a large withdrawal...

(during the Vegetable Song Book round)...Samantha has to nip down to the allotment to help a nice gentleman put fertilizer on his tomato plants...she's surprisingly keen to see his Gro-More in the potting shed...

(during the Late arrivals at the Scottish Ball round) ... so as Samantha heads off to the Highland Games to admire the contestants in the caber competition, and perhaps have a go at tossing one or two herself...

(during the Pensioners' Song Book round) ... Samantha was telling us she's off to help the elderly gentleman who's moving to a home from the flat beneath hers. She was always popping in to make sure everything was okay down below, and as a result, he became a surprisingly firm friend. She says it's a shame she couldn't have known him longer...

(during the Pensioners' Book Club round) ... Samantha has to nip out again to see an elderly Lord who regularly complains to Radio 4 about their parliamentary coverage. She says she thinks he's even going to start getting a little hard on Today In Parliament...

(during the Late Arrivals at the Driving Instructors Ball round) ... Samantha tells us she's taking her test this week. She says she can't wait to climb aboard her little Morris to demonstrate the correct use of the horn in a built up area...

(during the Pensioners' Film Club round) ... Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. She goes in every night to put him on downstairs, and then pulls him off on the landing...


----------



## Mack The Knife

(during the Late Arrivals at the Shakespearean Ball round) ... Samantha tells me she recently purchased a Tudor tankard bearing an engraved ode, believed to be by Shakespeare himself. Next week, she's taking it to be valued by the Antiques Roadshow program. We can't wait to see Hugh Scully examining her jug sonnet...

(during the Late Arrivals at the Frenchmen's Ball round) ... Samantha tells us she's off to a gourmet evening, where her favourite French chef has prepared a nine course dinner. Looking at the menu, she says she's not so keen on some of his traditional dishes, but she's spotted something tempting between the Frog's Legs and the Boeuf En Croute, which also looks nice...

(during the Parliamentary Song Book round) ... Samantha has to nip out to the House of Lords with her constituency friend. He's looking for support for his MP who's facing expulsion, and Samantha says it's important to have a good Peer if his Member's likely to be out...

(during the Lumberjacks' Film Club round) ... so while Samantha and I nip out to put an edge on my little chopper...

(during the Elizabethan Film Club round) ... so while Samantha pops out to the local Shakespeare archive to enjoy the complete works...

(during the Late Arrivals at Santa's Christmas Ball round) ... so while I enjoy another carol, and Samantha unwraps her game-boy...

(during the Doctors' Book Club round) ... so while Samantha nips over to Prague for a quick check-up...

(during the Late Arrivals at the Builders' Ball round) ... Incidentally, Samantha's just returned from congratulating a local builder friend who's successfully bid for a contract this week. He says she was delighted to see his little firm won...

(during the Late Arrivals at the Stockbrokers' Ball round) ... Samantha has had to pop out to meet her banker friend from Zurich...she's obviously keen to hold Swiss Franks while there's still growth...

(during the Fishermen's Radio Times round) ... Samantha has to nip off to the coast now for a spot of lobster fishing with some lads on their boat. They never forget where they've dropped their pots, because it's where Samantha tossed a large buoy over the side...


----------



## Mack The Knife

Samantha tells me she has to nip out now as she's been invited to an exclusive club to meet a group of aristocrats. She's very excited to see where all the big knobs hang out. She says at such a posh function she and the other girls will probably end up trying to speak with plums in their mouths.
__________________
Samantha is a qualified croupier and often works at an exclusive Soho club where gamblers pay top money to pay roulette all day and poker all night.
__________________
Samantha has to nip out now as she's off to see her new American gentleman friend. He's a cattle trader, and as Samantha is keen to buy a prime example, she's been saving up. Excitingly, she'll soon be in a position to receive her first Texan Longhorn.
__________________
Samantha is off to sample some beers and whiskies at the Radio 2 party. She says she expects to enjoy having a pint and a stiff Johnny Walker chaser.
__________________
Samantha has to nip out now as she is off to her evening class where the baking instructor is going to assess her efforts. Last week he popped her bread rolls straight into his mouth and he's promised to try her muffin next week.
__________________
Samantha is off on a tour of the Lake District with a naturist gentleman friend who wants to strip off at Keswick and Cockermouth.
__________________
Samantha is off on a dinner date with a gentleman friend from Moscow who's brought over a variety of caviars and an array of vodka-based apperitifs. She says he's going to offer her delicious food in his hotel room and then liquor out on the balcony.
__________________
Samantha has to leave us now as she's off out for a lovely meal with a new chef friend who's laying on a traditional shellfish evening. She says she's really looking forward to enjoying his special cockle night.
__________________
Samantha has to nip off now as she's doing a fashion makeover on a gentleman friend. Yesterday she says she helped him choose new shoes, and was delighted to bend over to tie his laces as he tried a pair with a crape sole and felt upper.


----------



## Mack The Knife

Samantha tells me she needs to leave now as she's been nursing two elderly gentlemen who have been suffering from bed sores for some time. She says they like her to go in regularly to inspect their old chaps for any sign of improvement, and last week she had both of them up and out and waving through the window.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to nip off now to meet her new gentleman friend, who's an avid collector of rare beetles. She says he has an incredible Longhorn which he's keeping in a shoebox for her. He told her that if you tickle it it jumps out half way across the table.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to nip off now as her trusted aged gardener is coming round to identify the mysterious trailing plant that's growing in her privet. Obviously she's keen not to miss him if there's a chance she may have an Old Man's Beard in her bush.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to nip out now as she has a cookery lesson with her new chef gentleman friend, who's been teaching her cake decoration. He has all sorts of professional kitchen equipment, and as Samantha is having trouble keeping enough pressure on her icing dispenser for complete coverage, he's promised to show her how to squeeze his hard on to the top of the cake.
__________________
Samantha has to leave now as she's hosting a traditional Cockney music and dance night with a pearly king and queen at a nearby pub. All the locals are saying they can't wait to see her knees up round the King's Head.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to go now as she's off to the country residence of her new gentleman friend, who has some interesting birds in the thicket. He keeps a young chicken, but Samantha says there are also wild breeds there, and she can't wait to see his Woodcock, Pullet and Swallow.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to nip out now as she's off to see her personal trainer for a fitness demonstration. She says she's looking forward to him showing how he gets the fat down and pounds off in front of her.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to nip out now to meet two young vicar friends who've promised to exorcise a poltergeist from her flat. They say they're looking forward to stopping her furniture flying round the room and giving her the willies.
__________________
Samantha is something of a keen horse woman, and she tells me that she's off to see a trainer who's offered her the chance of a couple of races he wants her to contest. She's quite excited, as he's prepared to drop his jockeys to enter her at Newmarket.
__________________
Samantha tells me that she has to nip off to a special Welsh Conservative Association dinner for their most senior MP, who's name is said to be almost impossible to pronounce. She's certainly found the longest standing Welsh member a bit of a mouthful.


----------



## Mack The Knife

Samantha has to nip off now as she's selling her seaside apartment. She tells me she's got a man coming round who's keen to inspect her flat out on the beach.
__________________
Samantha says she has to nip off now as she's been invited to stay with her new gentleman friend in his Bordeaux chateau. He's asked her to help taste some of his vintage clarets and she's looking forward to trying a robust '86 and a rather tempting '72, before joining him in the cellar to enjoy a full-bodied '69.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to go now as she needs to nip out and see her local pharmacist. He keeps a wide range of tanning cream for her legs and he's always happy to spread them out for her on the counter.
__________________
Samantha has to nip off now as her plumber is sending round the man who does the annual safety test on her gas boiler, which always gives her great peace of mind. She says it's good to feel the plumber's tester calls at regular intervals.
__________________
Samantha has to nip off now to meet her constituency chairman for a trip to the house, as she says his member's going up for an all night session.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to nip off now as she's auditioning as an extra in The Bill. She's really looking forward to that: according to the script her character gets fingered by the fuzz.
__________________
Samantha has to nip out now as she's just heard that her gentlemen's outfitter friend has won salesman of the year. She's keen to rush over and surprise him with a big kiss in the trouser department, where he's been 'specially outstanding.
__________________
Samantha has nip out to meet a yachting friend who's a bit down in the dumps and stuck indoors. She says he's not been feeling himself lately, so she's going to get him out in her little boat. When she feels there's a swell on she'll know his pecker's up again.
__________________
Samantha has to go now as she's off to meet her Italian gentleman friend who's taking her out for an ice cream. She says she likes nothing better than to spend the evening licking the nuts off a large Neopolitan.
__________________
Our resident IT expert, Samantha, tells me she has to nip out to meet a young man who's having problems configuring his new PC. She says he's just called to say his zip is down, his floppy keeps popping out and he feels he needs more bytes on it.


----------



## Mack The Knife

Samantha tells me she has to nip out to the local golf course where she's caddying for a nice old gentleman. She's learnt all about the different types of club and she says if he gets stuck in an awkward lay she'll pull out his wood and nibblet.
__________________
Samantha has to rush off to meet her new footballer friend. He's very busy playing in the first and second rounds of an international, but she says there should be just time to give him a quick kiss between the legs.
__________________
Samantha has to nip away to be photographed for a double page feature in the Radio Times. The editor says that, in case she needs any touching up, he wants to inspect her spread on his desk first.
__________________
Samantha's just started keeping bees and already has three dozen or so. She says she's got an expert handler coming round to give a demonstration. He'll carefully take out her 38 bees and soon have them flying round his head.
__________________
Samantha has to nip out to meet a nice old colonel who's promised to show her his parade ground, and might even let her inspect his privates.
__________________
Samantha tells me she's been training as a jockey for a leading racehorse owner. She's hoping to be entered at Newmarket next week for 2000 guineas.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to nip off to a rare breeds farm where they still plough with huge beasts of burden. She's become friendly with a couple of farmhands who are going to show her their gigantic ox.
__________________
Samantha has to nip out to take her German Shepherd to the park to give him a stroke while he licks her face and pants.
__________________
Samantha tells me she has to nip home as she has a man coming in to start work on her new patio. He's bringing round his cement mixer, and he's promised to layer roughly across the foundations.
__________________
So, while Samantha nips out to enjoy a portion of winkles in cider.


----------



## Mack The Knife

As is customary, Samantha went down to the gramophone library earlier, where she says there's been some sort of misunderstanding. Of late, the usually friendly archivists haven't been very welcoming, claiming Samantha has been rubbing them up the wrong way. She says she had to give them a good mouthful, and that soon put them straight.
__________________
Record researcher Samantha visits the gramophone library every workday, where she says she finds the old archivists like to indulge in petty bartering before they'll fetch her chosen disks. This could be irritating, but Samantha says she doesn't really mind if they want to dicker about five times a week.
__________________
Each week Samantha goes off to the gramophone library, a labyrinthine maze of dusty shelves and filing cabinets. The place can be a little daunting, but the kindly old archivists know their way around and provide Samantha with accurate maps. She says it's always good to know they're going to offer her good solid directions, which they prepare by hand before waving them under her nose.
__________________
As usual, Samantha has been down in the gramophone library researching the teams' records, aided and abetted by the two kindly old archivists, Curly Smith and Chalky White. Samantha was saying she's been helping them rearrange their work rostas recently. Chalky was getting a bit worried that Samantha might reduce his overtime shift, but cheered up when instead he saw her shorten Curly's.
__________________
Earlier, Samantha went down to the gramophone library to choose the teams' records. While she's there the kindly old archivist usually ask Samantha to do a few routine maintenance tasks for him, including checking the ancient sound equipment. This week there was cleaning off some rust, replacing record needles, and attending to a stiff knob on his list of tasks. It was quite a long one, so she asked if he didn't mind her sitting on it for a while.
__________________
Samantha tells me that down in the gramophone library there's been a spot of good-natured rivalry recently, as she's been promoted ahead of the two kindly old archivists, to become senior researcher. There wasn't, frankly, much competition for the post and Samantha realises the job fell in her lap, but the archivists never complain when she rubs their noses in it.
__________________
Record researcher Samantha has been doing her regular stint down in the gramophone library, where she tells me the two old archivists have been getting a little fractious of late. They've been at each other's throats about which of them will represent the archive in judging the BBC's Most Shapely Legs competition. To quieten things down, Samantha had to keep them apart all morning.
__________________
Record researcher Samantha has made one of her customary visits to the gramophone library, where she runs errands for the kindly old archivists, such as nipping out to fetch their sandwiches. There favourite treat is cheese with home made chutney, but they never object when she palms them off with relish.
__________________
Samantha spends many long hours with the two kindly old gramophone archivists who, as is usual when we visit a seaside town, she's brought along for a day out. As they're particularly keen on the local seafoods, Samantha treats them to a special meal and they both sit in eager anticipation as Samantha flits about with her hostess trolley and hands round their winkles.
__________________
Samantha spends so many hours down in the gramophone library researching this, that she's become quite friendly with the kindly old archivists. They often ask if they can borrow her portfolio album, as they're keen to know what she looked like in her modelling days. It always cheers them up when they find Samantha's left it out on the table for them to inspect.


----------



## Mack The Knife

As ever, Samantha spent several hours down in the gramophone archive, giving the teams' discs a trial spin on the library record deck. The nice old archivists have recently been a bit worried about their early vinyl collection getting scratched, so Samantha ordered them a new mat for the turntable. She said that they were very excited at the thought of getting felt under their old seven inchers.

----------

Samantha nipped out to the gramophone library earlier, and as the eager assistants down there suspected she might be a country music lover, they got out every Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson record available. Well, in my experience, she's certainly always been a big fan of Willie's, and now she's got to work her way through a complete boxed set of Johnny's.

----------

Samantha went along to the gramophone library earlier to collect the teams' records. It's pitch black down there, so Samantha and the elderly archivist have taken to searching the shelves by candle-light, which can be messy, so while Samantha passes down the disks, the nice man holds the ladder while he cleans the dust and wax off in the dark.

----------

Samantha kindly took all four team members down into the gramophone archive earlier to help choose their songs. It's quite cramped down there, but she managed to squeeze them in two abreast.

----------

Samantha has been choosing records for the teams with the assistance of the elderly staff of the BBC gramophone archive. Some of their old seven inchers are looking a bit worn now, but they were all quite big back in the '60s. She's kindly picked the fluff off them and is ready to pump up the volume.

----------

Samantha spent many hours in conversation with the BBC gramophone library research staff for this round, deliberating over the fine old seven inchers they presented for inspection. She says before deciding which she was going to spin, she had to think about each one long and hard.

----------

Samantha spent several hours down in the gramophone archive earlier choosing four of the very best, and those magnificent hits are about to be given an airing for the teams' delight. She'll soon have them swinging along to the music.

----------

Samantha has drawn my attention to several misunderstandings in past introductions to this round, as she takes her preparation work for it very seriously. She insists we spend hours in the gramophone archive researching records, and I can't tell you how long she keeps me down there. However, she retains her sense of humour, and if I ever do slip up, she gives me a reassuring smile when I put it incorrectly.

----------

Samantha spent some time in the gramophone archive last night, sorting through the jazz section. When I arrived, she kindly got my vintage collection out, and spread them on the desk for me.

----------

As is our habit, Samantha and I spent a few hours in the record library earlier, and enjoyed a good long root in the singles section. Now in DJ mode, Samantha is poised at the turntable with her forty-fives beautifully stacked and ready to spin for the teams.


----------



## Mack The Knife

Samantha is, of course, famous for her fine set of forty-fives, and you couldn't hope to find more magnificent hits together anywhere. She kindly popped them on the mixing desk for me to sample, and now we're going to share them with the teams

----------

This is where the teams sing along to some well-known records selected from the gramophone library. I spent a frankly unrewarding half-hour down there this morning, until Samantha generously offered to help me out. Strictly speaking, her contract doesn't cover research, and by asking her to have an unpaid poke amongst the records stacks, I might have put her in an awkward position.

----------

Samantha accompanied me down to the gramophone archive this morning incidentally, where she quickly uncovered some of the greatest hits ever - and what a treat for my old ears they were.

----------

As ever, Samantha spent a few hours browsing among the shelves in the singles archive this week, and as a result of a rewarding poke in the Country section, she was thrilled to discover a mint condition, seven inch, Boxcar Willy

----------

As ever, Samantha spent some hours down in the gramophone archive selecting the teams' disks. You know, she puts in a lot of hard work on this round, and she gets a bit fed up with silly comments about the way she checks the teams' seven inchers or pulls out my reproduction equipment and twists the knob. Samantha tells me she tries to take no notice of these pathetic, puerile critics, but it isn't always easy to ignore her knockers.

----------

As is customary, record researcher Samantha made her regular visit to the gramophone library earlier. The kindly old archivist keeps a small terrier for company. Samantha makes a point of taking him a treat of a biscuit or two. The archivist says he always loves to watch his little dog as he scampers up to Samantha with her couple of crackers held out, and pants around her ankles.

----------

For the teams to make their choices, DJ Samantha generously got her voluminous greatest hits out earlier, for them to put a finger on the one they'd most like to have played, and she's now eagerly poised over the gramophone, and ready to give the first player's fine old seven incher a long overdue airing.

----------

Samantha has been busying herself down in the gramophone archive this morning, pulling out a seven incher for each of the teams, and checking closely for damage. She was disappointed to see one or two were worn almost flat through overuse. Fortunately, she has a couple of fine forty-fives in reserve for just such an emergency and will be getting them out soon to put things right.

----------

Hip-Hop, Jive-Talking, Disco-Bunny, DJ Samantha rolled her sleeves up and had a good rummage downstairs for the teams this afternoon. She's pulled out some dusty old seven inchers that could all be made big again given sympathetic handling.

----------

As is customary, Samantha spent some time down in the gramophone library earlier, fetching the hit singles she's chosen. She's become quite friendly with the two elderly archivists, Jack and Arthur. They've recently gone part time, so Samantha's come to a working arrangement. She does the paperwork, Arthur gets her forty-fives out, and Jack's off all afternoon.


----------



## Mack The Knife

As is customary on these occasions, Samantha has spent several hours researching the teams' discs in the gramophone library. She popped down there this morning to find the archivist had rushed back from his hiking holiday especially to open the place up for her. Still with his boots and knapsack on, he was kindly tidying the place up. Samantha says there's nothing better than a neat rambler down in the basement.

----------

As usual, Samantha made her regular trip to the gramophone library this morning to collect the records she'd ordered. She doesn't like heights, but the archivist is very helpful, and always climbs the ladder to fetch her some of the most successful discs in music history. She says she always looks forward to her visits, as he goes up with his feet firmly on the steps and hands down her giant hits.

----------

Samantha spent so much time down in the gramophone library researching this, that she's been asked to take over as the new supervisor. Her first task is a complete staff reorganisation, and to allocate new duties to the nice old archivists. They say that when she's finished her assessment, they're hoping Samantha will give them a group presentation in the conference room, and then hand jobs out in the office.

----------

My housemaid Samantha went along to the wax cylinder lending library earlier to see the kindly old archivists who haven't been too well of late. Their lungs are becoming affected by the notorious London pea-soupers, and they were worried their panting and coughing might rankle with Samantha. However, she assured them there's no problem. She says she'll let them know if sitting there with the noise of coughs and pants around her rankles.

----------

Samantha makes regular visits down to the record library to choose the teams' records, and just recently she's been helping the old archivists with their new sound insulation. Tomorrow she's going to put acoustic tiles up in the studio. Next time she's hoping to get felt up in the office.

----------

DJ Samantha has completed her customary research down in the gramophone archive. As the kindly old archivists can't get out very much these days, Samantha sells them light snacks and confectionary. Initially, they were shocked by her prices, so she now offers selected discounts. There's been nothing off Mars Bars, but they were delighted to see Samantha's Snickers come down at a price they can afford.

----------

Samantha made her customary visit to the gramophone library earlier, where she found the producer was filming a documentary. He was pleased to see Samantha as he needed a body double, and explained that although he wasn't sure he could use her arms or hands, he'd certainly be happy to find her legs a part.

----------

Samantha spent a few hours down in the gramophone library researching the teams' discs earlier, and took her little dog with her. She likes to dress the little thing in her own stylish canine clothing range, and the elderly archivists say they all appreciate her doggy fashion.

----------

DJ Samantha has been doing her usual extensive research down in the gramophone library, aided by the kindly old archivist. It's hard work, and she says they both get quite weary, so the archivists have a fold-up bed to take a nap in the afternoons, and has provided Samantha with a comfy reclining armchair so that she can put her feet up while he get's his head down.

----------

Samantha had some difficulty obtaining the records this week, as relations with the gramophone library have become strained. The archivists in the vinyl section are concerned that her failure to return all the singles she's borrowed will have long term financial implications for the library. They say Samantha has had nearly all their 7 inchers out this month, and they warn that they could end up stuck in arrears.


----------



## Mack The Knife

As is her habit, record researcher Samantha went down to the gramophone library earlier to choose the teams' discs. This week she found the archivists busily gluing up some well used cracked singles that she wanted to borrow. However, they weren't drying straight, so Samantha kindly helped out and supported their old seven inchers by winding Sellotape round until they were properly hardened up.

----------

Samantha earlier made her usual visit down to the gramophone library to choose the teams' discs. The kindly old archivists suggested she get up to date on borrowing regulations, by sitting down to study their new manual. Samantha says she's happy to let them see her keeping abreast out in the back office.

----------

Record researcher Samantha made her customary visit to the gramophone library earlier, where the kindly old archivist was so helpful that Samantha offered to take him out for a meal after this evening. However, he said he's playing in a darts tournament tonight, and wasn't sure when he would finish, so Samantha's had a word with the organisers to make sure the archivist can get his leg over before dinner time.

----------

Samantha made her usual trip down to the gramophone library earlier, where there was a bit of a buzz about the release of her latest cookery film. Samantha says the archivists were all very excited about watching her new dinner video.

----------

As usual, record researcher Samantha went to fetch the teams' records from the gramophone library earlier, where she found the kindly old archivist sampling wines for Christmas. He'd brought in a selection of French wines, but there wasn't much left by the time Samantha got there, so although she was disappointed he only had a Semillon, she thought it would be impolite not to taste it anyway.

----------

Record researcher Samantha made her usual visit to the gramophone library earlier to collect the teams' discs. However, as Samantha has been very busy this week, she had to rely on the kindly old archivist to find the choices for her. He explained that one song was only available on vinyl, and that he had to bring a copy in from his own collection. Samantha said she wasn't sure if his old seven incher would stand up to scrutiny, but she was prepared to suck it and see.

----------

Record researcher Samantha spends many hours down in the gramophone library, and she's recently found that the archivists have become very snooty about this low form of musical entertainment, and have been making protests to have it stopped. However, Samantha says she's more than capable of handling enormous snobs and standing up against them.

----------

As usual, record researcher Samantha went down to the gramophone archive library yesterday to fetch the teams' discs. She was surprised to find the old archivists seem more interested in a card tournament on TV. Samantha politely explained they really ought to wait until after work when they'd be more than welcome to go round to her place to watch some stud poker all evening.

----------

DJ Samantha has spent all afternoon in the singles section of my record library, where she's pulled out every one of the Village People's seven inchers. After thinking about them long and hard, she decided they didn't suit, and made another selection for the teams.

----------

Our record researcher Samantha this week visited the gramophone library earlier, when she took the opportunity to ask the helpful old archivists if they'd care to donate something to the good cause of which she's a patron. Samantha says they couldn't have been kinder, immediately pulling out some old rare seven inchers to put into her charitable body.


----------

