# A selection!



## glospete (Feb 1, 2013)

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
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Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
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63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed..
The police are blaming AL IKEA .
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Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
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Police stops a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" 
The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that........3 of you have got to get out!"
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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
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Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher......
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Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both are in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka!
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In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern europeans took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.
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The sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth .
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An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan . He is making Land Mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!
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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, never mind the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
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An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD


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## Hoggy (May 8, 2002)

:lol: :lol: :lol: Brilliant.
Hoggy.


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## j8keith (Jun 26, 2009)

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## ZephyR2 (Feb 20, 2013)

I've been trying to spot which one of those could be classed as being PC. I think you've managed to insult Indians, Pakistanis, Irish, most of eastern Europe, muslims, people with speech impediments, women, the disabled and the elderly - all in one post. :lol:

Hilarious. Think the WD40 one and eastern european olympics were the best :lol: :lol:


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## glospete (Feb 1, 2013)

ZephyR2 said:


> I've been trying to spot which one of those could be classed as being PC. I think you've managed to insult Indians, Pakistanis, Irish, most of eastern Europe, muslims, people with speech impediments, women, the disabled and the elderly - all in one post. :lol:


I aim not to be selective LOL


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## yanto (Feb 5, 2015)




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## JesseJames (Feb 18, 2015)

Bravo fella bravo.

PC is for hippies nothing wrong with a bit of mild stereotypical racism 

At the end of the day if a joke offends someone then they have serious issues.


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## SPECSMAN (Oct 11, 2016)

I'm a fat, bald, grumpy old fart. Call me what you like.

They used to say sticks and stones............

Now everyone is out to become offended for some reason, compensation, perhaps?

Oh and I wear specs, four eyed [email protected]!

Specsman 8)


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## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

:lol: :lol:


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## MarksBlackTT (Nov 29, 2016)

Great stuff :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Hoggy (May 8, 2002)

Hi, After not realising I'd read it 2 years ago, I've just read it again & still found it extremely funny. :lol: :lol: 
Either still brilliant or my old age.  
Hoggy.


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## silkman (Jul 29, 2004)

ZephyR2 said:


> I've been trying to spot which one of those could be classed as being PC. I think you've managed to insult Indians, Pakistanis, Irish, most of eastern Europe, muslims, people with speech impediments, women, the disabled and the elderly - all in one post. :lol:


And us Greeks :lol:


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## agglos1 (Jul 27, 2014)

silkman said:


> ZephyR2 said:
> 
> 
> > I've been trying to spot which one of those could be classed as being PC. I think you've managed to insult Indians, Pakistanis, Irish, most of eastern Europe, muslims, people with speech impediments, women, the disabled and the elderly - all in one post. :lol:
> ...


yeap but not humus!!! try tzatziki!!!


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