# A poem for gulls



## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

*Sky Rat* _by ScoobyTT_

You are the sky rat. 
As life goes, you're scum,
Like that fucking green shit 
you drop from your bum,
That lands on my car 
and etches the paint,
I've tried to be nice,
But wildlife you ain't.
You're an agent of Satan,
With your shit and your noise,
Your flying and squawking,
Did I mention the noise?
You're a protected species
and no-one knows why.
What a world it would be,
If most of you died.
But we can't go and shoot you,
Though I'd love to try,
And laugh my tits off
as you fall from the sky.
Just shit somewhere else,
or change fucking diet.
Bicarb of soda.
Why don't you try it?

You are the sky rat.
You eat, shit, and fly.
Rip yourself a new one,
Eat shit, and die.


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## bec21tt (Feb 27, 2003)

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Widget (May 7, 2002)

I thought a pigeon was a sky rat, not a gull :?

Still, the sentiment I agree with :lol:


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## T3RBO (Dec 9, 2003)

:lol: :lol: :lol:

# Applies to seagulls (in the urban dictionary) and pigeons :wink:


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## antmanb (Jun 10, 2010)

And I bet you don't even own a gull either, yet here you are again slagging something off that you've never even owned :wink: :lol:

Ant


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

:lol: :lol: I know! And it gets worse: I've _never _owned a gull (what colour should I buy, and what mods would work best?), and my research on the topic has been limited to picking up a bit of a vibe that no-one else really likes them either.


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## Nilesong (Jan 19, 2009)

Bloody thing stole my last donut!

I wasn't happy.


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

:lol:

Charlie


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## Daz (Jul 16, 2002)

Shit in yer chips


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

*Sky Rat 2*
I see you've been breeding, what a delight,
You, your offspring, and their acidic shite.
Must your brat make that incessant noise?
Where can we buy guns that aren't merely toys?

Shut the fuck up. Do shut the fuck up.
Eat some bicarb or shut the fuck up.
You sit on the rooves squawking all day,
Your chick flies in circles, can I blow it away?

It's noise is worse than yours. That's saying a lot,
You shit-factory, shit-eating, noise-making twot.


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

Loving the poetry!

The council says you need to paint their eggs with special stuff that kills the baby. If you steal the eggs they'll keep coming back and trying again.

I never even thought of stealing eggs, I was thinking double barrel shotgun and open season for a week.

I thought they were classed as pests? Which means you can shoot them on your land (if you have a license).


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## Nilesong (Jan 19, 2009)

A Haiku

Ahem...

Screeching seagull sitting on a buoy
KABOOOOM!
Now he's not.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

Nilesong said:


> Screeching seagull sitting on a buoy
> KABOOOOM!
> Now he's not.


 :lol: :lol: :lol:



Dash said:


> The council says you need to paint their eggs with special stuff that kills the baby. If you steal the eggs they'll keep coming back and trying again.


Apart from Chernobyl, where can I get me some of this special stuff? Perhaps there's some inspiration for B&Q to do one of their highly annoying sponsorship adverts! Cue Bananarama... Asian woman up a ladder, painting seagull eggs, coming down the ladder looking _MIGHTY _smug with herself as the kids play on the decking. "See what you can do..." 

I think I'd be tempted to paint them with some form of contact adhesive.



Dash said:


> I never even thought of stealing eggs, I was thinking double barrel shotgun and open season for a week.
> I thought they were classed as pests? Which means you can shoot them on your land (if you have a license).


No I never thought of stealing eggs either. Far too much effort compared to gently squeezing the trigger on your favourite weapon!

Why can't we have open season? Why? Why? WHY WHY WHYYYYYYY [smiley=bigcry.gif] :lol: :lol:


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## TTCool (Feb 7, 2005)

ScoobyTT said:


> *Sky Rat* _by ScoobyTT_
> 
> You are the sky rat.
> As life goes, you're scum,
> ...


Spot on. One of those sky rats dropped a load on my new coat, in Whitby. They are built like brick shit houses in Whitby...never been since, not that there is any good reason to go there.

Joe


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## TTCool (Feb 7, 2005)

ScoobyTT said:


> *Sky Rat 2*
> I see you've been breeding, what a delight,
> You, your offspring, and their acidic shite.
> Must your brat make that incessant noise?
> ...


 :lol: :lol:


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

The fucking RSPB said:


> Simple nuisance or minor damage to property are not legally sanctioned reasons to kill gulls.


...no but it's a _good enough_ reason, isn't it? :lol:

I heard Whitby was to be officially renamed "Shitby" once the average coating of gull shit reaches 3mm.

Dash was this you? :lol: :lol:


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

[smiley=book2.gif] 
Well ickle junior's growing up fast. He's growing feathers as white as the shit he leaves everywhere and is pretty much the same size as his lazy, trash-chomping whore mother albeit with a dark beak. Junior's speech has come on in leaps and bounds since his first tentative squeaks, as has his flying. Further, he can now do both at the same time, flying in circles squeaking away ever other second like a metronome made from a rusty old gate.

Of course all that flying makes him hungry which is when junior's only other "skill" is put into practice: sitting on a chimney squeaking every other second like a metronome made from a rusty old gate. ....waiting for a nice mouthful of warm trash barf, just how momma used to make. [smiley=freak.gif]

It'll be off to the tip later on for some nutricious, feotid slops followed by a round of learning which cars and public amenities make the best targets to shit all over.

AWwwwwwwwww, bless! They're so sweeeeeett. Ickle schnuggle gully schnukums. :roll:

Bast'ds.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

:arrow: 
There now follows an open letter to seagulls.

Dear seagulls of planet Earth,

_*FUCK*_ OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,
ScoobyTT


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## jjg (Feb 14, 2010)

A clasic.

Scooby for Poet Laureate.


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

jjg said:


> A clasic.
> 
> Scooby for Poet Laureate.


Thoroughly agree!!

Scooby is a classic - ranting or otherwise. Always a great read.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

worked in gloucester for a while............yeah i know gloucester . riding my honda on route and the scum were on road eating road kill.........rode straight at them and they scuppered. caught one just as it took off and it got caught between knee and downpipe    didnt half squawk


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

gazzer1964 said:


> caught one just as it took off and it got caught between knee and downpipe    didnt half squawk


Now that's a real shame :lol: Oh wait. :wink:


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## oceans7 (Oct 20, 2009)

A pigeon shit on my head in the town centre once, i had to wash it off in the local public toilet, it really fucked my day up, i wish you could shoot pigeons and seagulls......

and politicians.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

oceans7 said:


> A pigeon shit on my head in the town centre once, i had to wash it off in the local public toilet, it really fucked my day up, i wish you could shoot pigeons and seagulls......
> 
> sorry but have to lay this on ya m8................SHIT HEAD
> 
> and politicians.


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