# Tim Vine strikes again...



## John-H (Jul 13, 2005)

Matchless.....

I wear cowboy lingerie. The silky bras are on me!

My girlfriend said to me how come you always walk in front of me, I said sorry don't follow you.

I saw a pixie in the hospital who was elated. I didn't recognise his face as it was pixelated.

I said have you come to give blood but the pixie said I can't give blood - too much haemogoblin.

I've got a friend who shall remain nameless - who never got christened.

The last time I went to a christening the vicar was facing the wrong way - he was back to font.

I rang up the AA to get an itemised bill. They told me, "Sorry, we don't do breakdowns."

Earlier, I saw the chief executive of Tesco drowning, so I threw him a cork. Every little helps.

I asked a careers advisor how best to be self-employed. "Mind your own business," he said.

I used to run a dating agency for chickens, but it was a real struggle to make hens meet.

When I was a lumberjack, I'd put on new clothes after every tree. Always chopping & changing.

This guy came up to me and said, "I've got bubonic plague!" I said, "Don't give me that &#8230;"

He said, "Can you tell me what to call people who come from Corsica?" I said, "Course I can."

My girlfriend took me round to her house and she had an 8ft lightswitch - what a huge turn off.


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## Hoggy (May 8, 2002)

:lol: :lol: Very good.
Hoggy.


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## conlechi (May 6, 2006)

:lol: :lol:


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## ZephyR2 (Feb 20, 2013)

Ha ha ha :lol: Love Tim Vine. His jokes are simple, clean and funny.
LOL @ "... - he was back to font."

In a similar vein (true this, I just had to do it  ) - I was in a bookshop and said to the assistant - Can you get me down that book on "How to be self-sufficient".


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## John-H (Jul 13, 2005)

:lol: I had to order a skip and I was soooo . . . tempted to say, "I want-a skip outside my house" just to see if they replied, "I'm not stopping you" . . . . I chickened out :roll:


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## ZephyR2 (Feb 20, 2013)

John-H said:


> :lol: I had to order a skip and I was soooo . . . tempted to say, "I want-a skip outside my house" just to see if they replied, "I'm not stopping you" . . . . I chickened out :roll:


 :lol: You know I'll bet they're sick of hearing that one.


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