# Gas barbecues



## Steve_Mc (May 6, 2002)

Me man. Me make fire. Big pile of charcoal, couple of firelighters in the middle, bit of 4 star on top to get it going. Chuck a match in, leave it 30 minutes, hey presto perfect barbecue.

Not some fucking hulking monstrosity from B&Q, complete with a gas ring on the side. FFS you may as well as cook the food inside on your gas hob (with some HP BBQ sauce if you must) you fucking cheats. No doubt gas BBQ owners are the same poeple who turn the display off on their CD players. Doodahs.

Beer 'n' chips

Steve ;D


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## foz01 (May 13, 2002)

Agreed they are shyte

give me a real one anyday ;D


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## snaxo (May 31, 2002)

Speaking as someone who has the display turned off on his CD player (even though he doesn't notice a difference - but actually because he likes as few illuminations as possible)......I have just taken delivery of the following CHARCOAL bar-b-q. Â

==>http://www.worldofpower.co.uk/acatalog/barbecues_small.html

(see bottom one listed)

SO THERE Â ;D

Damian


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## coupe-sport (May 7, 2002)

That'll look nice in that shed of yours Damian


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

> Me man. Me make fire. Big pile of charcoal, couple of firelighters in the middle, bit of 4 star on top to get it going. Chuck a match in, leave it 30 minutes, hey presto perfect barbecue.


Me lazy twat. Me cheat. Turn switch on gas BBQ, throw on meat, eat 10 minutes later. [smiley=chef.gif]

Enjoy a delicious meal while being amused by the neighbours trying to set fire to half a hundred weight of wet wood that does nothing but smoke and go out every 5 minutes. [smiley=fireman.gif]

Result is that they usually eat about 2 hours after lighting the BBQ, by which time I am halfway through a bottle of after-dinner whiskey and well gone. [smiley=freak.gif]


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## Steve_Mc (May 6, 2002)

> Me lazy twat. Me cheat. Turn switch on gas BBQ, throw on meat, eat 10 minutes later. Â [smiley=chef.gif]


But for the same effect you could cook it in your kitchen with the window open. As far as I'm concerned, you're not a real man if you own a gas BBQ. I mean FFS, Snaxo's "OUTBACK 4502 M200", comes in colours such as "Midnight Blue" and "Hunter Green" : ;D ;D

Keep it real, keep it kettle drum ;D

Beer 'n' chips

Steve


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## snaxo (May 31, 2002)

> That'll look nice in that shed of yours Damian Â


If only mate - it won't fit in. I'm now wishing retrospectively I bought a larger shed Â :-/ Â ;D

Steve - I went for 'Hunter's Green' - surely the man's colour choice Â  Â 8) Â ;D

Damian


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

Errr - Flaming for the sake of Flaming? 

In a similar vein, how are we all feeling about thoses monsterous patio heaters? :-/

Following SteveMc big fire theme, I am considering one of those clay stove thangs. Anyone any experience? Or should I go for a picket line/workman-style brazier?


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

> No doubt gas BBQ owners are the same poeple who turn the display off on their CD players. Doodahs.
> 
> Beer 'n' chips
> 
> Steve ;D


Don't know about that but for sure these are also leisure fleece/cargo pants wearers also, so they can all piss off. ;D


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## vernan (May 27, 2002)

And rugby shirts. With long shorts. And deck shoes. And pretend Oakleys (or worse, real ones) on their heads.


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## kmpowell (May 6, 2002)

Mr B3VES, care to comment on Gas Bar B Q's and patio heaters? :-X ;D


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## mike_bailey (May 7, 2002)

> Errr - Â Flaming for the sake of Flaming?
> 
> In Â a similar vein, how are we all feeling about thoses monsterous patio heaters? :-/
> 
> Following SteveMc big fire theme, I am considering one of those clay stove thangs. Â Anyone any experience? Â Or should I go for a picket line/workman-style brazier?


I've got a chrome monster gas patio heater and it's great unless there's a breeze in which case it's crap. You also need to have it close to you to feel any real benefit which is a pain because it weighs more than a TT and has a saucer on the top that could be used to feed a spanish town with paella.

A mate has a chimn??? thing and says it's great until you have to clean the damned thing after - a real bind particularly as you'll probably be pissed when you're doing it.

My next door neighbour is fitting electric patio heating lamps at strategic places on his patio, they look just like normal lamps but throw out a large amount of heat, look nice and the wind doesn't effect the heat you get. Downside is you can't really move them around very easily bceause they're hard-wired. They cost about Â£80 each and he's getting 3-4.

By the way I've got an Outback gas BBQ because I'm a lazy fat git. So there Â ;D


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

> But for the same effect you could cook it in your kitchen with the window open. As far as I'm concerned, you're not a real man if you own a gas BBQ. I mean FFS, Snaxo's "OUTBACK 4502 M200", comes in colours such as "Midnight Blue" and "Hunter Green" Â : Â ;D Â ;D
> 
> Keep it real, keep it kettle drum Â ;D
> 
> ...


I never claimed to be a real man (After all I have been married for 9 years!!!)

But seriously folks. A large part of the BBQ flavour comes from the fat dripping off the meat during cooking onto the charcoal and then imparting smoke and flavour. If you have a gas BBQ with lava rocks you get the same effect.

However, seeing as I haven't used my BBQ in the last 2 years, you could say I'm talking bollocks, in which case I will agree with you. Â Â


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## chip (Dec 24, 2002)

Yeah, a real man would use a proper charcoal fire for a BBQ

Me, I'm a lazy man. I use proper fire, but those throwaway disposable one!!! Saves me cleaning and packing away afterward


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## snaxo (May 31, 2002)

> And rugby shirts. With long shorts. And deck shoes. And pretend Oakleys (or worse, real ones) on their heads.


Jes. It's impossible not to own or wear something 'wrong' according to this forum (sorry not just picking on you Vernan ).

With regards to Oakley's, I have a pair of Juliet's and if I'm not wrong Cyclops was wearing them in X-Men 2
- which is good enough for me *lol*- though I'll be damned if I can find that laser button on mine ! :-/ ;D ;D

Damian


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## snaxo (May 31, 2002)

Whoops - sorry - rather off-topic ;-).

Damian


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

> Jes. It's impossible not to own or wear something 'wrong' according to this forum (sorry not just picking on you Vernan Â ).
> 
> Damian


Gary's fashion tip for Snax: don't BBQ in yer Teddy Roosevelt brown suit    ;D ;D


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## snaxo (May 31, 2002)

Very kind Gary - noted  ;D 8)

Damian


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## Steve_Mc (May 6, 2002)

> In Â a similar vein, how are we all feeling about thoses monsterous patio heaters? :-/


I believe the gas BBQ brotherhood actually go for under-patio heating :


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

> I believe the gas BBQ brotherhood actually go for under-patio heating Â :


Is that good for avoiding haemerroids (spelling?) ;D


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

> I believe the gas BBQ brotherhood actually go for under-patio heating Â :


Nope, we are men enough to stand outside without any extra heating. [smiley=devil.gif]

But I know what a hard lot you real BBQers are. I've seen my neighbours wife out BBQing in the snow with just her slippers on and an overcoat. [smiley=sick2.gif]


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## garvin (May 7, 2002)

Lighting the feckin thing isn't the problem ....... cleaning it afterwards is 

Now I've always been a 'real BBQer' on the basis that the food tastes better but trying to scrape all the crap off it when its cooled down has always been the down side and made one of those big girl's blouse gas jobbies with lava bricks etc. look mighty tempting. However, one Karcher pressure washer has sorted the cleaning side out ;D

I also have a 'real fire' in the house, not one of them fake feckin gas flame looks-good-but-produces-no-heat-and-costs-a-bomb-to-run thingies. Bit of work and skill required to lay a proper fire but nothing like the 'aroma' and sound of a real wood fire (get your gas look-a-like jobbie to simulate those then!). Now the hearth is on an inside wall and, as all us real fire experts know, it requires a continuous air flow to 'draw' properly. So what does the stupid old crone of a Mother Outlaw do when she comes a visiting - closes all the window vents and doors. Enter room to find her sat coughing and spluttering in a complete haze of smoke  grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


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## David_A (May 7, 2002)

Pah

You're all fuckin soft - I've got one chimnea, two kettle BBQ's and have them all going when we have a do. The chimneas great for keeping warm and you can cook on it too! Last year I was eating about 2 meals a week off them!

You can get the flames 4 to 5 feet out of the top of the chimnea!

Next house will have a brick + grill BBQ - similar in size to the one in the coogee bay hotel (if anyones been to Sydney!)

And, I had a new years do with the BBQ's going a couple of years ago - nice - watch everyone elses fireworks while warm next to a blazing chimnea.


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## David_A (May 7, 2002)

Where d'you get the electric heater for Â£80 from?

Dave


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## mike_bailey (May 7, 2002)

> Where d'you get the electric heater for Â£80 from?
> 
> Dave


I'll ask me neighbour when I see him tomorrow. The've got them at a few pubs I've been to (the one that springs to mind is the Coy Carp in Harefield but probably means nothing to most folk here).


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## nutts (May 8, 2002)

My preferred method of BBQing is speed. And as I like to impart just the right flavour I've done some experimenting.

The first thing is to buy a large steel oven tray and ensure it is adequately secured. Then buy a broom handle and duck tape 4 canisters of your favourite canned spray to the end of the handle (btw WD40 is too crude imho). 2 x hairspray, 1 x spray fry and 1 x Brut seems to work out best for the nicest flavour 8).
Tape the nozzles down and throw a match towards the end. The 10 foot long flames easliy cook 25 steaks, 50 sausages and 25 burgers simultaneously. The added benefit is that your guests all receive a nice "just been to a british beach" look.

I can furnish exact specifications to those who want it.

: : :


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

I don't have enough friends to warrant spending a fortune on (outdoor) eating facilities.....

I'll just get my coat, and toddle back off to my lonely, sad and tawdry existence....

;D


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## pas_55 (May 9, 2002)

Fucked if I'm going to sit around 1/2 hour to see if the charcoal's hot.Give me a Outback Trooper anyday.Flick a switch 5 minutes later your lava rocks aglow!!!
Jesus do you guys still rely on coal fires to heat your homes!!!!!!


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

> I don't have enough friends to warrant spending a fortune on (outdoor) eating facilities.....
> 
> I'll just get my coat, and toddle back off to my lonely, sad and tawdry existence....
> 
> ;D


Twat.


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## pas_55 (May 9, 2002)

> Twat.


Make that Sad Twat or Billy no mates


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

I have been chuckling away at some of the posts on this thread . Do you lot remember 'stig of the dump'? Reading all your posts with such wit, humour and ideas reminds me of stig of the dump, televison series and book ;D

All you will need is some tins cans for a chimney, some glass jam jars to make some windows and some newspapers to make a little house surrounding your BBQ's. Then you can eat in warmth aswell and no heater with a pasta dish on top either ;D. Sorry folks


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## David_A (May 7, 2002)

Don't be silly us real men have garden sheds for that (and porn and smoking)

Dave

(Although I'm too scared to go in mine cos of the large spiders and insects etc!)


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## mike_bailey (May 7, 2002)

> Where d'you get the electric heater for Â£80 from?
> 
> Dave


Dave, my neighbour gave me the details of where to get electric patio heaters (although I might have misheard the price he was paying as we were both very drunk when he told me!?)

http://www.infra-red-systems.com/Commer ... -home.html


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## racer (Feb 3, 2003)

All BBQing is for wankers, you are living in a romantic fantasy world, fuck off to Australia or Colorado. ;D


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

> All BBQing is for wankers, you are living in a romantic fantasy world, fuck off to Australia or Colorado. ;D


Right on. Just avoid Greerly and Fort Collins.


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## Steve_Mc (May 6, 2002)

> All BBQing is for wankers, you are living in a romantic fantasy world, fuck off to Australia or Colorado. ;D


You could have just posted "I've got no friends" - it would have been shorter. ;D


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## racer (Feb 3, 2003)

I've got no friends. ;D


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Only one thing for it racer ........... [smiley=rifle.gif] [smiley=end.gif]


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## racer (Feb 3, 2003)

Are you trying to suggest I'm some sort of unstable gun nutter? I must admit have been in the TA, is it that obvious? ???(I wasn't in for long, I only joined for a 2 week holiday in Cyprus, paid for by Tony Blair) ;D


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## Carlos (May 6, 2002)

Arsene Wenger almost certainly has a gas barbecue.


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## Steve_Mc (May 6, 2002)

One year on, time to rally the troops again to rise up against the evils of cheat barbecues (as well as resurrecting one of my favourite threads :wink: )

We could use conventional weapons, but that could take years and costs of thousands of lives. Instead I'm planning a trip to B&Q at the weekend with a few fellow members of KIRKIK (Keep It Real, Keep It Kettle) to run keys down the side of the gas monstrosities. Free charcoal and firelighters for all I say, and a tax on gas bottles. We must reclaim outdoor cooking for real men. Let's see clouds of smoke rising across the capital as real fires are lit this weekend. Who's with me?


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

Steve_Mc said:


> One year on, time to rally the troops again to rise up against the evils of cheat barbecues (as well as resurrecting one of my favourite threads :wink: )
> 
> We could use conventional weapons, but that could take years and costs of thousands of lives. Instead I'm planning a trip to B&Q at the weekend with a few fellow members of KIRKIK (Keep It Real, Keep It Kettle) to run keys down the side of the gas monstrosities. Free charcoal and firelighters for all I say, and a tax on gas bottles. We must reclaim outdoor cooking for real men. Let's see clouds of smoke rising across the capital as real fires are lit this weekend. Who's with me?


*chuckle*

excellent read once again... 

I'm considering a new gas BBQ this spring


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

I took the advice mentioned earlier in this thread and cleaned mine using my KÃ¤rcher last year.

Guess what?

I can go and and by a new one this year because the pressure washer took off all the paint and rustproofing and the BBQ is now merrily rusting away in the shed.

I think I'll go for a gas one again, despite being tempted by taping 4 gas cans to a stick and burning my complete garden to cinders.


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## scavenger (Jun 25, 2002)

nutts said:


> The first thing is to buy a large steel oven tray and ensure it is adequately secured. Then buy a broom handle and duck tape 4 canisters of your favourite canned spray to the end of the handle (btw WD40 is too crude imho). 2 x hairspray, 1 x spray fry and 1 x Brut seems to work out best for the nicest flavour 8).
> Tape the nozzles down and throw a match towards the end. The 10 foot long flames easliy cook 25 steaks, 50 sausages and 25 burgers simultaneously. The added benefit is that your guests all receive a nice "just been to a british beach" look.


Quality post :wink:


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

Steve_Mc said:


> One year on, time to rally the troops again to rise up against the evils of cheat barbecues (as well as resurrecting one of my favourite threads :wink: )
> 
> We could use conventional weapons, but that could take years and costs of thousands of lives. Instead I'm planning a trip to B&Q at the weekend with a few fellow members of KIRKIK (Keep It Real, Keep It Kettle) to run keys down the side of the gas monstrosities. Free charcoal and firelighters for all I say, and a tax on gas bottles. We must reclaim outdoor cooking for real men. Let's see clouds of smoke rising across the capital as real fires are lit this weekend. Who's with me?


Only if we are going to hunt it down and kill it first, before blackening it with said fire, and then gorging ourselves in a primeval bloodlust feeding frenzy. [smiley=rifle.gif] [smiley=chef.gif] :twisted:

What's your take on the salad aspect?


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## dimitt (Apr 21, 2004)

Steve_Mc said:


> One year on, time to rally the troops again to rise up against the evils of cheat barbecues (as well as resurrecting one of my favourite threads :wink: )
> 
> We could use conventional weapons, but that could take years and costs of thousands of lives. Instead I'm planning a trip to B&Q at the weekend with a few fellow members of KIRKIK (Keep It Real, Keep It Kettle) to run keys down the side of the gas monstrosities. Free charcoal and firelighters for all I say, and a tax on gas bottles. We must reclaim outdoor cooking for real men. Let's see clouds of smoke rising across the capital as real fires are lit this weekend. Who's with me?


Count me in... With you all the way! those gas bbq are a fake, an insult, how can real man cook 'huntings' using bottle fart...food taste no good..!!

Half the fun is 'creating natural fire' not flicking a switch...

Its just not right.. I;m upset now...


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## Dont I Recognise You (Oct 10, 2003)

ha!

I laugh at you so called 'men' with your 'buy it off the shelf' BBQs!

*Real* men get a large oil drum and slice a 1/4 section out of it.
They then mount it on legs (having spent at least a day in the shed making them first).

They then swear for an hour or 2 becuase the legs don't fit the drum.

Make adjustments (ie take large hammer to it).

Weld hinges on the drum lip and the section that was cut out.

Fill with chucks of wood and lumpwood charcoal

Light it.

Leave overnight (with someone watching it to ensure it doesn't go out)

Cook half a cow / pig / other foodstock animal of choice.

Leave out over winter.

Start again at the top cos it's rusted through at the bottom (note to self - drill drain holes next time).

Am I doing something wrong?


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## dimitt (Apr 21, 2004)

spot on... now thats what i call a really bbq. (when are u next having one!)

however u forgot to mention absolutely no females are allowed to comment on the males bbq style.. its our basic instinct..so you go without food for 3 days while we try to lite the thing...so what... the result is worth it!!! ... we have to be deprived for 1 week every month from another basic instinct.. BE PATIENT WOMAN!


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Me...get two sticks keep rubbing together voila fire shove a bit meat on it with a few scewers of marshmellows and I am happy  .

Ane yes, I was in The Girl Guides as we did exactly the above  :wink:


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## Steve_Mc (May 6, 2002)

garyc said:


> What's your take on the salad aspect?


If it keeps the missus away from my domain of the fire, then I'm all in favour :wink:

Respect for DIRY's oil drum effort, any pics to post (BBQ porn)?


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

Don't I Recognise You? said:


> ha!
> 
> I laugh at you so called 'men' with your 'buy it off the shelf' BBQs!
> 
> ...


DIRY,

How about just digging the Big Fire Pit and filling it with fallen several fallen trees that you have reduced to charcoal, forming a red hot massive pit. You could then cook a whole cow on it entertain your guests, while you wait for cooking, by removing your shoes and walking back and forward over the hot coals. "Cool wet grass. Cool wet grass. Cool wet grass....etc"

As SteveMc states, the girls can do the salad or dance naked or somthing like that... :wink:


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## Dont I Recognise You (Oct 10, 2003)

ROFL!!!!!!

hmm - wonder if we can dig a pit at Brooklands........

Salad - something used to decorate the plate 
And make the women feel useful 

(apols to all women everywhere - I'm sure you do a great job when it comes to conventional cooking - honest!)


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Conventional cooking - woss that?  :wink:


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## Dont I Recognise You (Oct 10, 2003)

open microwave door

zap food until it explodes

serve



Gawd - hope the missus doesn't read this! :lol:


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

DIRTTY - Think I would rather have gas BBQ :wink:


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## John C (Jul 5, 2002)

Naaaaaa, you are all just a bunch of jessies! Real fire/fake fire cheesh!

Eat the cows raw - why else do we have sharp teeth?

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

:wink:


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## kingcutter (Aug 1, 2003)

i have a barber queue every saturday morning and they are alway's gassing about something.


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Oh very good King


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

> Me man. Me make fire. Big pile of charcoal, couple of firelighters in the middle, bit of 4 star on top to get it going. Chuck a match in, leave it 30 minutes, hey presto perfect barbecue.


A real man wouldn't use firelighters or petrol to get it going. A real man would have started the day by using an axe to chop up bits of wood into carefully graded thicknesses and then whittled some shavings to make kindling. He then would have used a magnifying glass to focus the suns rays so that the kindling would gently smoke.

Me - I've got a gas Barbie and a real Chimnea. Did have a patio heater but it only workjed the first two times we used it and then blew over in a storm and the stand snapped.

Took it to the dump and some pikey had already claimed it before I got it out of the car.


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

Kell said:


> > Me man. Me make fire. Big pile of charcoal, couple of firelighters in the middle, bit of 4 star on top to get it going. Chuck a match in, leave it 30 minutes, hey presto perfect barbecue.
> 
> 
> A real man wouldn't use firelighters or petrol to get it going. A real man would have started the day by using an axe to chop up bits of wood into carefully graded thicknesses and then whittled some shavings to make kindling. He then would have used a magnifying glass to focus the suns rays so that the kindling would gently smoke.
> ...


A real real man wouldn't use a glass 'cos they're for jessies. No, he'd use the time-honoured friction method.

ps that patio heater works fine.


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

PMSL    :lol: :lol:


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

Thought I heard the sound of agricultural machinery as he drove off.


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

Kell said:


> Thought I heard the sound of agricultural machinery as he drove off.


That'd be yer TT ticking over then.


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

took it to the dump in my V5 Golf actually. :-*


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