# Peter Kay One Liners - Learn them, you'll need them one day



## rosshastie (Jul 3, 2006)

PETER KAY'S ONE LINERS
> > 
> > 1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said
> > 'Thyroid problem?'
> > 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then
> > I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and
> > asked him to forgive me.
> > 3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife
> > to go swimming.
> > 4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't
> > get on with my real ladder.
> > 5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
> > ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
> > 6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass.
> > Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
> > 7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different
> > names.But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones
> > may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked!
> > From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
> > 8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is
> > probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
> > 9) S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you
> > better have a good hand.
> > 10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My
> > neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be
> > enough.'
> > 11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out
> > of meat?
> > 12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
> > and give the wrong answers.
> > 13) You know that look women get when they want s*x? No, me neither
> > 14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from
> > things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
> > 15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
> > 16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I
> > think I've forgotten this before


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## NaughTTy (Jul 9, 2003)

Some great ones in there....although not all Peter Kay though - more a product of the internet.

I think they're actually a collection of quotes from various:
Bill Bailey
Tim Vine
Eddie Izzard
Spike Milligan
Peter Kay
Harry Hill
Steven Wright
Etc....


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## Mack The Knife (Jun 14, 2007)

indeed, there are some great ones in there. :lol:


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## rosshastie (Jul 3, 2006)

i jus got sent the email..........an it said peter kay, who knows....v funny tho


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