# Bank Teller



## robokn (Feb 21, 2006)

Went into the bank to draw out 2k so I could pay for some house repairs, I then ask for a new card to be ordered, after scratching his face a few times and picking his nose he say"Have you any ID on you" FFS I have just robbed 2k from an account and now I need an ID to order a new card, so when I say No he asks a grwon up who says "It's ok Ben you can do that" so he taps a few buttons with this stubby little fingers and says "that's it all done your cars is now cancelled and a new one will be with you in 7-10 working days" 
My reply "You fuckwit, have you just cancelled my card instead of ordering a new one" 
Him "Sorry that's how long it takes"
Me"Are you stupid, how do I access my account now"
Him" You can come into the bank"
Me"But I work for a living so bank hours are not great for me, hence why we have cards"
Him" Ok Sorry, Next"
Me"I want to speak to the manager"
Him "Why?"
Me "Just get me a grown up"

A very pretty young lady appears and tells me she is the counter manager, I am thinking i'll bet you get wheeled out when the shit hits the fan so us older men get all nice, WRONG.

After her trying to defend poor Ben stating a training issue I leave still with no card but the promise of a phone call and some compensation, we shall see.

I hope fuckwit Ben is now asking old people if they need a help pressing buttons, to be told "Fuck off you condesending little shit"


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## BLinky (Jul 3, 2009)

lesson: dont trust anyone anywhere to do their job properly.


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

Some crappy company who outsources their IT to India has successfully managed to leak my personal data, so being prudent I phoned my bank, explained this and asked for a replacement credit card.

I received one the other day - with exactly the same numbers on it. [smiley=bomb.gif]


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## BLinky (Jul 3, 2009)

lesson: asume everybody is retarded, spell it out to them and hold them responsible.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

Dash said:


> I received one the other day - with exactly the same numbers on it. [smiley=bomb.gif]


They are just useless cocks aren't they!? I've got an ongoing complaint with my bank, which was basically about how they'd failed to do follow some simple written instructions three times in a fucking row (and still haven't done it). After getting a token "we'll get back to you" kind of letter, I've heard nothing in WEEKS since. So I sent them another complaint about the inability to deal with a complaint and have heard - precisely FUCK ALL. They are now seriously getting on my tits. And you can't phone them up because you always end up talking to some well-meaning but fundamentally USELESS individual after going through 500 menu options which go something like this:

Option 1 -> Options A, B, C, D
Option 2 -> Options E, F, G, H
Option 3 -> Everything else

Where Option A -> Options I, J, K
B -> L, M 
C -> N, O
..and so on.

Where 3 and [A..Z] all go to someone absolutely fucking useless who'll put you on hold and then put you through to Captain Useless 2.0.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH!! [smiley=bomb.gif]


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## antmanb (Jun 10, 2010)

Just as a word of warning do not touch SANTANDER with a fucking 20ft shitty barge pole.

They are the shiniest shit of a bank in the entire universe, a title previously held by Natwest. In one year of being with them they not only managed to fuck up most of my direct debit switch overs (something their irritating adverts tell you is stress free), to the point that i went nuts until they refunded me all the charges that had been levied.

Next they take an entire lunar cycle to clear a cheque, a lunar cycle and a half if they put it into the savings part of your current account (without telling you of course) and of course there is simply no way to access any of that money that they're a busily using to make money in the meantime.

Then to cap it all off, just because they changed their name from Alliance & Leicester to Santan-fucking-der, there was yet another almighty fail paying direct debits including ones to their own credit card arm, resulting in calls from two sets of fuckwits asking me why I had not paid my credit card that month only for me to hit the fucking roof and ask them to talk to their own fuckwit colleagues.

Sadly most of my calls with them end in me being told that the call has to terminated becuase of my swearing.

Ant


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

antmanb said:


> Sadly most of my calls with them end in me being told that the call has to terminated becuase of my swearing. Ant


Thank you so much for posting this, I almost cacked myself when I read it 

Charlie


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## antmanb (Jun 10, 2010)

Charlie said:


> antmanb said:
> 
> 
> > Sadly most of my calls with them end in me being told that the call has to terminated becuase of my swearing. Ant
> ...


It's funny cos it's true!

Nothing could inspire more anger than having a jumped up little 20 year old who works in a call centre trying to tell me I should budget more carefully for my expenses in a month especially when it's their spectacular fuck up that has caused my credit card not be paid, not a lack of funds...I have since then managed two whole conversations with them that didn't end in my swearing and them ending the call! That's what i call progress

Ant


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

I must try out this whole phone them up and swear thing. What are the criteria for getting a job in a bank these days? It used to be vaguely respectable. Now it must be Grade C or below if a clutch of important subjects like "maffs" and "inglish". No ability to read required, and no real "Maffs" skills cos "the system" does it all innit. They're little better than trained fucking monkeys. Here, have a banana you fuckstain! [smiley=bomb.gif]


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## denTTed (Feb 21, 2007)

antmanb said:


> Just as a word of warning do not touch SANTANDER with a fucking 20ft shitty barge pole.
> 
> They are the shiniest shit of a bank in the entire universe, a title previously held by Natwest. In one year of being with them they not only managed to fuck up most of my direct debit switch overs (something their irritating adverts tell you is stress free), to the point that i went nuts until they refunded me all the charges that had been levied.
> 
> ...


I have had the same problem with them, failure to pay dd's, failure to transfer them over untold calls from companies sayinghtey haven't been paid.

After 3 months of transfering money on the only transfer I have set up the amazingly manage to transfer my entire salary out to somebody elses account and then blame me. For security they wanted my wife to tell them how much I got paid, no round numbers they wanted it to the penny when she asked me (I was driving, and pointed out that I had better things to do than memorise my fucking wages to the penny) they shouted at her (for cheating I guess) and hung up. We went into the branch in the end, I am having abattle with them now as the entire process has cost me around £500.

All banks are full of retards who at the slightest hint of sniffing at me I point out that I earn more in a day than they earn in a fucking week.

Great flame fucking hate banks.


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

ScoobyTT said:


> I must try out this whole phone them up and swear thing. I told my bank I was sick of their standardised responses and that a personal response was in order given the duration that my complaint had gone amateurishly unattended to. I got an semi-automatic response from a different drone who also obviously hadn't bothered to read.
> 
> What are the criteria for getting a job in a bank these days? It used to be vaguely respectable. Now it must be Grade C or below if a clutch of important subjects like "maffs" and "inglish". No ability to read required, and no real "Maffs" skills cos "the system" does it all innit. They're little better than trained fucking monkeys. If customer sends complaint, press 1 and do nothing. Here, have a banana you fuckstain! [smiley=bomb.gif]


Scooby strikes again  I may have to start utilising "fuckstain", I rather like it 

Charlie


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## TT_Tesh (Feb 22, 2009)

It is funny though when you get through to someone on the phone and they are in India and they have a deep asian accent and say "hello, my name is barry" - Yeh right is it Barry. You lying bastard! :lol:


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

TT_Tesh said:


> It is funny though when you get through to someone on the phone and they are in India and they have a deep asian accent and say "hello, my name is barry" - Yeh right is it Barry. You lying bastard! :lol:


Very true mate. I used to work at a company who employed 3 Indian based call centres and they were the bain of my life, they also seemed to choose the absolute crappest names too  Elvis was always popular.

Charlie


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## BLinky (Jul 3, 2009)

wonder how much money it will cost to hire a call centre in india compared to a call centre in the UK. also wonder the efficency of an india call centre vs the uk.


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

BLinky said:


> wonder how much money it will cost to hire a call centre in india compared to a call centre in the UK. also wonder the efficency of an india call centre vs the uk.


I could tell you.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

TT_Tesh said:


> It is funny though when you get through to someone on the phone and they are in India and they have a deep asian accent and say "hello, my name is barry" - Yeh right is it Barry. You lying bastard! :lol:


 :lol: It's easily sorted:
"Hello, my name is Barry."
"As in 'Barry Buttfuck'?"

:mrgreen:


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## BLinky (Jul 3, 2009)

jampott said:


> BLinky said:
> 
> 
> > wonder how much money it will cost to hire a call centre in india compared to a call centre in the UK. also wonder the efficency of an india call centre vs the uk.
> ...


praytell.


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

The numbers show off-shore call-centres are a winner, otherwise people wouldn't do it.

The numbers don't show the slow decline of a brand due to crap customer service.


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## antmanb (Jun 10, 2010)

Dash said:


> The numbers show off-shore call-centres are a winner, otherwise people wouldn't do it.
> 
> The numbers don't show the slow decline of a brand due to crap customer service.


Given the shower of shite that occupy the British call centres I'd say there's not much in it. The only real problem you get is when the language skills of the people in the Indian call centre piss the customer off, but then I sometimes get this when I have the misfortune of ringing O2 or Sky as their call centres are in Scotland and if I get a person with a very strong Scottish accent then i start to struggle.

MBNH have their call centre in Chester which has it's fair share of barely penetrable scouse accented workers. I also once got through to a natwest call centre in Newcastle....I think i would have stood more of a chance understanding Mandarin.

It also makes me realise just how many different companies I've had to call to complain about the crap service they provide...yet another thing that has nothing to do with where the call centres are.

Ant


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## Fictorious (Sep 15, 2009)

I've had multiple dealings with call centres and I can say apart from the language barrier the Indian call centres are miles more friendly than the usual northern cunts with a chip on their shoulder. No shitty chat from the Indians even if they are called Terrance, "you're 22 and insuring a sports car daddy must have bought you that", sorry mate but I'm calling for car insurance quotes, if I wanted an opinion of my life choices I sure as hell wouldn't speak to some lowlife nobody in a call centre, shitting hell.


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## BLinky (Jul 3, 2009)

Fictorious said:


> I've had multiple dealings with call centres and I can say apart from the language barrier the Indian call centres are miles more friendly than the usual northern doodah with a chip on their shoulder. No shitty chat from the Indians even if they are called Terrance, "you're 22 and insuring a sports car daddy must have bought you that", sorry mate but I'm calling for car insurance quotes, if I wanted an opinion of my life choices I sure as hell wouldn't speak to some lowlife nobody in a call centre, shitting hell.


a slightly overly posh patronising voice usually helps.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

All call centres should be staffed by people who sound like Joanna Lumley, it's that simple. Speaking comprehensible English needs to be a prerequisite for getting the job. :lol:


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## yeborsky (Sep 24, 2010)

ScoobyTT said:


> All call centres should be staffed by people who sound like Joanna Lumley, it's that simple. Speaking comprehensible English needs to be a prerequisite for getting the job. :lol:


Good morning, how may I help.....( Bolli, darling, Bolli, quickly now ) ... Now, where were we, darling, I mean Sir..! How can you help me? I mean, how can..... Got a ***, sweetie?

:lol:


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)




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## terrorTTwin (Oct 29, 2010)

You guys should go with First Direct.

I've been with them for over 20 years and they have been great. UK call centres and staffed by people with a sense of humour - much required with my financial instability!

'Fuckstain' - love it! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Cheers

Johnny


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