# Top Ten Puns



## kloppy (Feb 8, 2006)

The ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest. What do you reckon? any rival contenders?

1.	A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The Stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

2.	Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

3.	Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

4.	Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

5.	Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

6.	A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

7.	A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal.
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

8.	A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious 
thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. 
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9.	Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10.	And, finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


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## Hark (Aug 23, 2007)

lol

Very good mate

Cheers


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## brittan (May 18, 2007)

There was an African tribal king who lived in a grass hut. He and his six wives slept on animal skins on the floor of the hut. On his birthday he was presented with an enormous throne. It was so big that there was no room in the hut for them to sleep on the floor. So the kings men built a rope system to haul the throne up into the roof every night. One night the rope broke, the throne fell and killed the king and several of his wives.
And the moral of this story:

People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.


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## kloppy (Feb 8, 2006)

Nice one VicTT LOL 
:lol: a worthy contender


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## qooqiiu (Oct 12, 2007)

You know your posting in the "joke" section dont you?


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## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

If these are the top 10 god help us with the rest :wink:


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## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

:?


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## T3RBO (Dec 9, 2003)

Very clever :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## steve o (Dec 5, 2006)

Here's one my best man told at my wedding (git! :roll: )

*"As we all know, Steve is a very thorough person and likes to take his time with decision making. He's shown me and told me about all the honeymoon destinations under the sun. Sri Lanka, the Maldives, Hawaii, Las Vegas. But I can reveal, exclusively, here today, that Steve has finally decided and made up his mind. He's finally decided....... they're going to North Wales"*

Cue the staged audience participation from another mate *"North Wales, are you sure?"

"Yep........ he told me that for 2 weeks he's going to Banger"*

:roll:

I guess you needed to be there!

Needless to say I went a little red faced and I could feel the discomfort from the top table!

Git! :lol:


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