# Top 5 Regrets - think on people and be sure to be true 2u!!!



## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

*A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. *

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

wow that is a hard hitting..........look at thy self topic bud, and that means admitting faults about ones self


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

Soberingly I can believe it is very true.

I can clearly remember a couple of years back (in fact it is 2 years to almost the exact day) that I was told I had a serious illness and thought I would never see another spring time. I remember sitting quietly in the kitchen by myself and having very similar thoughts. That is why I will always try and see the funny side of things and try to enjoy everything.


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## zltm089 (Jul 27, 2009)

I wish i fcuked a pornstar....


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

zltm089 said:


> I wish i fcuked a pornstar....


With my kind of luck the pornstar would have turned out to be a ladyboy


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Thought provoking; and I'm not surprised that those five regrets come top.

I wonder where thoughts like the ones below figure:
I wish I'd been nicer to ..... (fill in)
I wish I'd done more to help ==> animals, humans, environment, planet
I wish I'd had the courage to stop ..... (fill in) suffer


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## Toshiba (Jul 8, 2004)

i wish i'd slept with less women.


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

Thought provoking stuff.

Thank you for that


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## Audiphil (Oct 23, 2012)

Thought provoking, I guess we often take health for granted, carrying out my 22 year old nephew this year has certainly made me reflect on things differently


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## Hark (Aug 23, 2007)

Toshiba said:


> i wish i'd slept with less women.


As long as their last regret isn't sleeping with you then I wouldn't let it get to you.


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## N3DXT (Aug 15, 2004)

Number 1 usually involves expensive choices which only no longer matter when you're on the way out.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

Audiphil said:


> Thought provoking, I guess we often take health for granted, carrying out my 22 year old nephew this year has certainly made me reflect on things differently


Sorry for your loss, that must have been incredibly tough for you all  Its so easy to become embroiled in the daily drudge that the truly important is lost amid the ether. Then just when we think we have a handle on things, life sends us a wake up call.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

YoungOldUn said:


> Soberingly I can believe it is very true.
> 
> I can clearly remember a couple of years back (in fact it is 2 years to almost the exact day) that I was told I had a serious illness and thought I would never see another spring time. I remember sitting quietly in the kitchen by myself and having very similar thoughts. That is why I will always try and see the funny side of things and try to enjoy everything.


Very true and threough your jokes we all laugh more too


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

Gazzer said:


> wow that is a hard hitting..........look at thy self topic bud, and that means admitting faults about ones self


Definately Gaz, because some times our biggest faults can also be our biggest barriers


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## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

zltm089 said:


> I wish i fcuked a pornstar....


They not that good to be honest


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## jonah (Aug 17, 2002)

I wish I hadn't got caught ...............


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## ag (Sep 12, 2002)

Funny how people reach hitherto unknown levels of lucidity when they are being drip fed Morphine. :?


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## TJS (May 6, 2002)

I have watched 3 very close members of my family succumb to that shitty diesese called cancer over the past 2 years

In every case the palliative care and Macmillan teams were utterly superb, compassionate, professional and totally honest to the point of brutality. Want to know how you will probably die from colon cancer ? The tumour will block the colon and your feaces can only travel via the stomach and back into your throat where you will, if lucky, choke to death, if unlucky drown as the fluid flows Into your lungs. Hold the hand of a loved one as they drown on their own shit and it will haunt you for the rest of your life, if you love them you will take a pillow and smother them to bring the suffering to to an end. I wasn't brave enough to do it, the biggest regret I will ever have.

When the syringe drivers pump almost pure morphine into you in your last hours lucidity isn't hight on your agenda. The doctors or nurses will apologise profusely as they take out the lines immeadiately after death and audit the quantum of drugs used and lock them away. Harold Shipman has an awfull lot to answer for ...... The days of a doctor or palliative care team bringing a compassionate end to a persons life to alleviate unnecessary suffering are long gone. If you treated your dog in the same manner the RSPCA would probably prosecute you

Slightly off topic but an absolute must is having the courage to "put your affairs in order" A difficult subject to raise with a loved one, hopefully thev attached link will assist. Every one of us should buy this guide and complete it. Www.lastorders.org

My tears have dropped into the iPad, enough said


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

ag said:


> Funny how people reach hitherto unknown levels of lucidity when they are being drip fed Morphine. :?


I guess they are all making it up then and therefore you must be right. Strange how people who are not ill , not on morphioe and have near death experiences generally also experience similar thoughts and emotions. Death and the fact it may be impending will do that to a person.


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## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

When I die my biggest regret will be not living longer


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## jonah (Aug 17, 2002)

Getting caught!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

TJS said:


> I have watched 3 very close members of my family succumb to that shitty diesese called cancer over the past 2 years
> 
> http://Www.lastorders.org


I know where you're coming from; three family members including my dad died of cancer.

Btw, the book you mention sounds excellent! Having already made my will a long time ago I always wondered how to leave the additional "instructions". I'll most likely just jot them down in hand-writing for my kids as that's more personal in my mind but 'lastorders' is certainly worth a thought


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## Audiphil (Oct 23, 2012)

A3DFU said:


> TJS said:
> 
> 
> > I have watched 3 very close members of my family succumb to that shitty diesese called cancer over the past 2 years
> ...


Sorry to hear of your loss, the Lighthouse family record "one life" lyrics always make me consider to enjoy the time I have with family and friends, I am 50 in May, where have all the years gone.

Phil


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Audiphil said:


> I am 50 in May, where have all the years gone.
> 
> Phil


 :lol: :lol:

Yes, I know. Time flies doen't it (I'm 63 but still feel like 35-ish) 

And thank you for your sentiments :-*


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## Audiphil (Oct 23, 2012)

A3DFU said:


> Audiphil said:
> 
> 
> > I am 50 in May, where have all the years gone.
> ...


Hope I'm feel like 35 when I'm 63 what's your secret?


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Audiphil said:


> A3DFU said:
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> > Audiphil said:
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a bloody good plastic surgeon :lol: :lol: :lol: (tiptoes away quietly)


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Audiphil said:


> A3DFU said:
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> > Audiphil said:
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Must be me being active since I started to walk. The worst punishment for me is sitting still 



Gazzer said:


> Audiphil said:
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> > A3DFU said:
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You better :twisted:


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

you know me wuvs you Dani xxx


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Gazzer said:


> you know me wuvs you Dani xxx


You're lucky I just spent two weeks on German xmas markets and am chilled (quie literally as it was freezing cold!!) :-* :lol:


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

lending money to someone and getting shafted........vengance is a dish best served cold


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## Skeee (Jun 9, 2009)

I've heard most regret what they hadn't done rather than something they had!

On that theme there was this girl from Saskatoon that I didn't, however I doubt the mrs would've been impressed!


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

> I've heard most regret what they hadn't done rather than something they had!


Yes I agree, we all have a plan of some sort even if that is to do very little and we do appear to measure success by what we didnt do rather than what we did. I think the key is to try and find happiness in whatever we have or whereever we are.


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