# Not always politically correct and a number of older ones to



## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair. 
So, turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms
with it all.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers.
So I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.
Locals were shouting "paedophile!" and other names at me - 
just because my girlfriend's 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in
his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop
before you're banned from teaching altogether."

Just been to the gym.
They have a new machine.
Could use it for only half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
It's great though. It provides me with everything I need
- KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot...

Question - Are there too many immigrants in Australia ?
17% said Yes; 11% said No;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please."

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is
having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

A man calls 000 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die, you're
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "Obviously you haven't been listening."

My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to the charity shop to get
all of her clothes back.

I've heard that Apple has scrapped its plans for the new
children's-oriented iPod after realising that
"iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.

My wife said "what are you doing on that computer now"
I replied " I am looking for cheap flights "
She immediately threw her arms around me kissed me 
and said " you are the most adorable husband in the world "
I was amazed I didn't even know she was the slightest bit
interested in Darts

There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our
shopping centre.
They threw me out after I asked to look at some of the
bomber jackets.

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked to
contribute towards the floods in Pakistan .
I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches
to the driveway.


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## Hoggy (May 8, 2002)

Brilliant :lol: :lol: :lol: 
Hoggy.


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## keithtd (Aug 22, 2007)

:lol:


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## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

:lol: :lol:


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## ELVIS (Oct 7, 2012)

Good shout chap.

I just did a little wee.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

ELVIS said:


> Good shout chap.
> 
> I just did a little wee.


 :lol:


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## pw1960 (Aug 3, 2012)

excellent stuff. :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## jays_225 (Nov 4, 2009)

:lol: :lol:


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## Spaceman10 (Nov 15, 2011)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## GPT TT (Mar 18, 2012)

:lol: :lol:


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## AfterHouR (Feb 8, 2012)




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