# Womanly Advice Needed!



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Bit of a strange one but here goes.

Been with current girlfriend for two years. All excellent and brilliant couldn't be better etc, living together just got properly sorted. 
Before her I was with somebody else for about a year but she lived near London so was 100 miles away from me, think thats the reason that one broke up. Anyway I have kept in contact with ex which although I havn't kept it a secret as such from current gf have never told her that im still in contact.

This was all going well

Untill today

Just found out that ex is now at Uni about 1.5 miles away from my house and is insistant that we can start to see each other again, only as mates but she wants to get back in touch properly. AND she knows wher I live.

What to do what to do what to do?!

Girls? Help????????????


----------



## Hev (Feb 26, 2005)

ahhhh, found it! :roll:

If I was your current girlfriend, I wouldn't be best pleased if your ex was "insistant" on seeing you again, even on a mates only way :?

Sounds to me like you ex is trying to re-kindle the past in the hope that you'll choose her over your current love. Sometimes it's best to leave the past in the past and look forward to the future.

Just my 2p worth.

Hev x


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Hev said:


> ahhhh, found it! :roll:
> 
> If I was your current girlfriend, I wouldn't be best pleased if your ex was "insistant" on seeing you again, even on a mates only way :?
> 
> ...


This is what I was thinking - however I wouldn't mind seeing her again but don't know if to tell current gf or not. I don't wanna keep secrets from her but don't wanna tell her either. lol oh well.

I seem to have a brilliant habbit of getting into this sort of horrible situation!


----------



## Hev (Feb 26, 2005)

TSCN said:


> This is what I was thinking - however I wouldn't mind seeing her again but don't know if to tell current gf or not. I don't wanna keep secrets from her but don't wanna tell her either. lol oh well.
> 
> I seem to have a brilliant habbit of getting into this sort of horrible situation!


Walk away, you have moved on and so should your ex.

I wouldn't worry about the fact she knows where you live ............ unless your ex is a bunny boiler! 

Hev x


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Hev said:


> TSCN said:
> 
> 
> > This is what I was thinking - however I wouldn't mind seeing her again but don't know if to tell current gf or not. I don't wanna keep secrets from her but don't wanna tell her either. lol oh well.
> ...


lol the sort I tend to go for she probabaly is 8)


----------



## Hev (Feb 26, 2005)

TSCN said:


> lol the sort I tend to go for she probabaly is 8)


in that case, where do you want me to send the flowers to? [smiley=end.gif] 

Hev x


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Hev said:


> TSCN said:
> 
> 
> > lol the sort I tend to go for she probabaly is 8)
> ...


Can't you just send sponges or something instead? I think it's probabaly best that I keep anything REMOTELY sharp/pointed/hard away from me right now. And in remotely I am including flower petals. :lol:


----------



## Hev (Feb 26, 2005)

TSCN said:


> Can't you just send sponges or something instead? I think it's probabaly best that I keep anything REMOTELY sharp/pointed/hard away from me right now. And in remotely I am including flower petals. :lol:


Ok, super absorbent to mop up the mess! :lol:

Hev x


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Hev said:


> TSCN said:
> 
> 
> > Can't you just send sponges or something instead? I think it's probabaly best that I keep anything REMOTELY sharp/pointed/hard away from me right now. And in remotely I am including flower petals. :lol:
> ...


And now im scared :?


----------



## jonah (Aug 17, 2002)

Here's a blokes perspective :wink:

I would mention to ur currant gf that your ex gf has started uni up the road and you had a call from her, There would be nothing worse than you and your current gf being out and bumping into the ex and her finding you knew full well she was in town :wink:

If you do decide that you would like to catch up i would also tell your gf as your ex could possibly tell her if she wasn't to get what she wanted "a woman's scorn and all that" :wink:

So what ever you decide don't try to cover anything up and be as honest with the currant gf as you can be (within reason of course) :wink:


----------



## NaughTTy (Jul 9, 2003)

jonah said:


> Here's a blokes perspective :wink:
> 
> I would mention to ur currant gf that your ex gf has started uni up the road and you had a call from her, There would be nothing worse than you and your current gf being out and bumping into the ex and her finding you knew full well she was in town :wink:
> 
> ...


----------



## KJM (Jun 27, 2005)

jonah said:


> Here's a blokes perspective :wink:
> 
> I would mention to ur currant gf that your ex gf has started uni up the road and you had a call from her, There would be nothing worse than you and your current gf being out and bumping into the ex and her finding you knew full well she was in town :wink:
> 
> ...


I agree with the above post! Definatly don't hide anything.

Pm'd ya :wink:

Kirsty


----------



## vlastan (May 6, 2002)

Get them both together and have a threesome! :wink:


----------



## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

vlastan said:


> Get them both together and have a threesome! :wink:


only you could have thought of that :roll:


----------



## jonah (Aug 17, 2002)

KJM said:


> jonah said:
> 
> 
> > Here's a blokes perspective :wink:
> ...


Your not his GF or EX are you :wink:


----------



## GRANNY (Jun 18, 2002)

If you arn't carefull you could end up with you girlfriend as your ex and your ex back as your girlfriend.
Moral of this story he who plays with fire gets burnt.
DONT GO BACK THROUGH DOOR'S THAT YOU HAVE CLOSED.
Here endeth the sermon.


----------



## vlastan (May 6, 2002)

wallsendmag said:


> vlastan said:
> 
> 
> > Get them both together and have a threesome! :wink:
> ...


Correct....they rest of you are boring. :roll:


----------



## J55TTC (Apr 25, 2005)

Honesty is the best policy, You risk being an ex to both these women.

Tell your current gf the truth and tell your ex youre not interested.


----------



## Rebel (Feb 12, 2005)

Follow your heart......

Don't try to think with your brains.......your heart alway's wins


----------



## KJM (Jun 27, 2005)

jonah said:


> KJM said:
> 
> 
> > jonah said:
> ...


 :lol: ssssshhhhh I've manged to keep it quiet so far! :wink:


----------



## vlastan (May 6, 2002)

Be with the girl that satisfies you the most in bed. :wink:


----------



## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

vlastan said:


> Be with the girl that satisfies you the most in bed. :wink:


I can see an underlying theme in your posts 8) :roll:


----------



## scott-tt225 (Jul 9, 2006)

Just discussed this in the pub.

The verdict was.........

Nail her! LOL!

dont take my advise, or my mates for that matter.

Hope all goes well,


----------



## QuackingPlums (Mar 10, 2004)

Why are you even considering keeping this a secret to your current gf?! If you are, you should also consider whether it really has been going "excellent and brilliant" for the past two years. Are you just going with the flow because you're in too deep, what with moving in together and everything? That's never a good basis to continue a relationship. 

If you are going to see your ex again then you should definitely tell your gf - if she's going to find out, it should be from you and not from someone else, because she WILL find out. 
If your ex is really just at uni down the road then sooner or later one of your mates will see you together, or worse, your gf's mates will see you together. Once you're not the only person keeping the secret it's no longer a secret. :?

Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if your gf said that her ex had moved in down the road and wanted to see her again? How would you feel if she didn't tell you but you found out by yourself?


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

QuackingPlums said:


> Why are you even considering keeping this a secret to your current gf?! If you are, you should also consider whether it really has been going "excellent and brilliant" for the past two years. Are you just going with the flow because you're in too deep, what with moving in together and everything? That's never a good basis to continue a relationship.
> 
> If you are going to see your ex again then you should definitely tell your gf - if she's going to find out, it should be from you and not from someone else, because she WILL find out.
> If your ex is really just at uni down the road then sooner or later one of your mates will see you together, or worse, your gf's mates will see you together. Once you're not the only person keeping the secret it's no longer a secret. :?
> ...


It's not so much keeping it a secret. It's how to tell her without messing things up lol


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

wallsendmag said:


> vlastan said:
> 
> 
> > Be with the girl that satisfies you the most in bed. :wink:
> ...


I can also pick up on this theme. However I like it. So Vlastan a threesome? How to mention in casual conversation? :lol:


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

KJM said:


> jonah said:
> 
> 
> > KJM said:
> ...


Dammit Kirsty you said you wouldn't tell anybody 

A little aside but sorry for the big block of replies all of a sudden. Shattered last night so had quite an early one - and just got to "work" - if you can call it that.

Tom


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

KJM said:


> jonah said:
> 
> 
> > KJM said:
> ...


Dammit Kirsty you said you wouldn't tell anybody 

A little aside but sorry for the big block of replies all of a sudden. Shattered last night so had quite an early one - and just got to "work" - if you can call it that.

Tom


----------



## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

Rebel said:


> Follow your heart......
> 
> Don't try to think with your brains.......your heart alway's wins


That's bollox. Should be the other way around.

I can't condone you for continuing to keep in touch with the ex behind the current gf's back. That's asking for trouble in the first place! :?

You're running the risk of the ex turning up on your doorstep and putting the size 10's in and blowing everything you've currently got. So, you've got to decide which one you want more than the other. If you'd prefer to be with the ex then go for it. If you're happy with the current gf then tell the ex to sling her hook.


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Just to clarify something.

I'm more than happy with current gf - just wouldn't mind seeing the ex again just on a friendly basis.

Can this work? Anyhow? lol


----------



## J55TTC (Apr 25, 2005)

TSCN said:


> Just to clarify something.
> 
> I'm more than happy with current gf - just wouldn't mind seeing the ex again just on a friendly basis.
> 
> Can this work? Anyhow? lol


This depends on how understanding your current gf is. The only way I can see this working without any problems is for all 3 of you to meet up casualy on neutral ground - probably better in as social of an environment as possible.

One step at a time, you might find that your ex will loose interest if she knows youre only interested in being friends - this all depends on her intentions. She might just be looking for a friendly face seeing as shes just relocated :?

Women confuse me at the best of times (no offence to the female readers of this post). Women, cant live with them, cant have heterosexual sex without them :lol:


----------



## Lisa. (May 7, 2002)

J55TTC said:


> Honesty is the best policy, You risk being an ex to both these women.
> 
> Tell your current gf the truth and tell your ex youre not interested.


Agree that he could quickly become the ex of the current GF but if he tells the current ex that he's not interested I'm sure she'd go out of her way to show him what he's missing! Remember they didn't split up because their was anything wrong with the relationship.

The ONLY way to chat me up is to make me think you'd not interested! 
I like the challenge.

I agree with Granny that closed doors should remain firmly shut, but it seems to me that you left the door ajar. Was it as a backup in case the current relationship went wrong? This is one thing that will make me blow my top. No matter how innocent you think it is, your current GF will think you are being devious and scheming behind her back. She will put one and one together and make her own mind up, you can't expect your current GF to beleive your explanation of things. I wouldn't and I'd be off, and I wouldn't stay in contact either! If you're prepared to lose your current GF, then any contact you have with your ex has to be with your GF by your side.

This is my advise.

Tell your current GF that the ex is at the local uni.
Tell her she has contacted you by text and wants to say hello.
Ask her if she thinks it's a good idea (she'll be intrigued to know what she's like) of course you mean with her by yourside, not on your own.
Your current GF will think this is honest.
Your current GF will get dressed up and look her very best and hopefully she is better looking than the Ex? ( of course she is, right?)
You get the meeting bit out the way, have a drink etc
They might become friends- they probably won't.
BUT you're ex will see that you are happy with your current GF
You're current GF will see she isn't a threat. 
You may get to stay friends with the ex ( that is all you want isn't it?)

If you are not prepared to meet her with your current GF then you ARE being devious and you don't want to be just friends.

Make your mind up whether your ex is worth losing your current GF over before you decide anything.


----------



## GoingTTooFast (Apr 4, 2006)

Decide how much you current GF means to you. The rest will answer itself.

Talking from past experience, there's usually a good reason why you split up with someone, and whatever that reason is it's still likely to be there.

The grass is not always greener etc etc! :wink:


----------



## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

TSCN said:


> I'm more than happy with current gf - just wouldn't mind seeing the ex again just on a friendly basis.


Why? If your 100% happy with your current girlfriend you won't need to see your ex! Delete your ex's number from your mobile. Have no contact what so ever, don't reply back to her texts and move on with your current girlfriend who makes you happy and who adores you.


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Dotti said:


> TSCN said:
> 
> 
> > I'm more than happy with current gf - just wouldn't mind seeing the ex again just on a friendly basis.
> ...


Yea - I guess so, I guess you, and everyone else is right.

The only one thing thats bothering me is the fact that when we split up we kind of didn't. Explain - it was before either of us could drive and so I used to have to get on train down to her or her me. This particular time when we knew it had to end because of the distance we had met kind of half way and were talking about it when her train started to go and so she had to just jump on. And I never saw her again kind of thing. I know it sounds like a crappy movie but thats how it happened.

Am I just looking for some closure?


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Dotti said:


> TSCN said:
> 
> 
> > I'm more than happy with current gf - just wouldn't mind seeing the ex again just on a friendly basis.
> ...


Yea - I guess so, I guess you, and everyone else is right.

The only one thing thats bothering me is the fact that when we split up we kind of didn't. Explain - it was before either of us could drive and so I used to have to get on train down to her or her me. This particular time when we knew it had to end because of the distance we had met kind of half way and were talking about it when her train started to go and so she had to just jump on. And I never saw her again kind of thing. I know it sounds like a crappy movie but thats how it happened.

Am I just looking for some closure?


----------



## Kell (May 28, 2002)

I asked a similar question on numerous occassions here as a few exes have got in touch with me via Friends Reunited.

Now I have to say that I genuinely didn't want to pursue anything with any of them, and thought that there's nothing wrong with emailing them back etc. Most people on here said that's not how it could appear.

It doesn't matter how innocent you think it is. It's how innocent your current GF thinks it is that's going to cause the issues.

Can't remember who said it now but the best way to judge the situation is to turn it around. How would you feel if your GF said her ex had moved back up the road and she wanted to meet up?

Not best pleased I'd imagine.

Personally, I'd tell your missus about her being close and say that she's said it might be nice to meet up for coffee. Then tell her that you don't think it's a great idea and leave it at that. THen also tell the other GF that you don't think it's such a great idea either.

If you bump into each other be pleasant.

You have to remember that just like mates, you keep in touch with people htat you genuinely like. If you haven't kept in touch until now, then it's probably because you've genuinely grown apart anyway.

If you're genuinely happy with your current situation, do not risk f*cking it up.

The past is the past. Leave it there.


----------



## Lisa. (May 7, 2002)

TSCN said:


> Am I just looking for some closure?


Eh?

You want to tell her that it's over? You want her to tell you that it's over?

Listen, It's over. It's been 12 months, you have been in contact in that time, you both know the score, I presume you've told her that you now live with your current GF and you are happy? Is she the type that would want to spoil that?

Does she just want to see you as a friend, or something more?

If it's as a friend then meet her with your GF. That will be the ultimate closure.
If YOU want something more then good luck to you and make your own mind up. What happens if you risk meeting her, you fall in love all over again and you get back together for a couple of months. Then you decide you want your old Gf back? Too late mate. OR she goes off you and fancies someone at UNI. She's the one with the new start ahead of her, but with no friends to fall on, she calls on you. She gets herself on her feet and you'll be history again.

Think before you leap.


----------



## Irish Sancho (Mar 13, 2006)

TSCN said:


> Am I just looking for some closure?


Nope...you're wondering if you made the right choice, thats one step before closure.

It happens to some of us from time to time.

Deep down you know what you have to do.


----------



## Lisa. (May 7, 2002)

Great Thread BTW.

It's like Dear Pru.....


----------



## GoingTTooFast (Apr 4, 2006)

TSCN said:


> Just to clarify something.
> 
> I'm more than happy with current gf - just wouldn't mind seeing the ex again just on a friendly basis.
> 
> Can this work? Anyhow? lol


No!


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Lisa. said:


> Great Thread BTW.
> 
> It's like Dear Pru.....


Thanks. Thats just what I was thinking when I realise it had all hit the fan. "Wow, well, at least this will make a great ******** thread" - every cloud eh :lol:


----------



## jonah (Aug 17, 2002)

Lisa. said:


> Great Thread BTW.
> 
> It's like Dear Pru.....


Who said we neeeded a Powder Room :roll:


----------



## Toshiba (Jul 8, 2004)

You have both.


----------



## coupe_mania29 (Sep 4, 2006)

vlastan said:


> Get them both together and have a threesome! :wink:


 :lol: :lol: :lol:

[smiley=fireman.gif] [smiley=whip.gif] [smiley=cheers.gif]


----------



## Irish Sancho (Mar 13, 2006)

coupe_mania29 said:


> vlastan said:
> 
> 
> > Get them both together and have a threesome! :wink:
> ...


Have your bit of fun...you're still young. But at then end of the day you will just draw your own conclusions....

I made a similar mistake nearly 4 years ago. In fairness if you were meant to be with your ex right now you wouldn't have left it so long. I dumped what I believed to be my "rebound girl" to back with an ex.

When I actually thought about it I realised that the reasons why I was with my girlfriend were much cooler that the reasons I got back with my ex.

Maybe you're different....but maybe you're not.


----------



## TSCN (May 23, 2006)

Hey well thanks for all of your advice guys/girls but I eventually deceided that maybe Vlastan had the right kind of idea. Threesome all the way - if you want anymore details, ask Dotti, she was watching for reasons unknown.


----------



## garyc (May 7, 2002)

J55TTC said:


> Honesty is the best policy, You risk being an ex to both these women.
> 
> Tell your current gf the truth and tell your ex youre not interested.


These and Granny's words are wise ones.

You could end up with nothing.


----------

