# Things you hear on tube trains



## Guest (Apr 11, 2003)

Mind the Gap...

;D


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## Dubcat (Jun 10, 2002)

This train will not be stopping at *insert name of station you want to go to*


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## mike_bailey (May 7, 2002)

"Stand clear of the doors"


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

"Got any spare change?"


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## garyc (May 7, 2002)

"Get off my fucking toe."


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## r1 (Oct 31, 2002)

Can I have your phone number?

Well once ;D


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

"Due to an incident at xxx station all services on the Northern line will be suspended until further notice. Please make your way to the nearest exit and look for alternative transport' [smiley=behead.gif]

Together with the 36,000,000 other people who have just been booted off the train at that station and are all looking for cabs or trying to get on the already overfilled 36b because it is pissing down again..... [smiley=bigcry.gif]


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2003)

> "Due to an incident at xxx station all services on the Â Northern line will be suspended until further notice. Please make your way to the nearest exit and look for alternative transport' Â [smiley=behead.gif]
> 
> Together with the 36,000,000 other people who have just been booted off the train at that station and are all looking for cabs or trying to get on the already overfilled 36b because it is pissing down again..... Â Â [smiley=bigcry.gif]


we have a winner ;D ;D ;D


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## jgoodman00 (May 6, 2002)

Has anybody ever heard:

"Will inspector Sans please report to the operations room" ???????


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

> we have a winner Â ;D ;D ;D


First Prize: a 1 week Travel pass for the MiseryNorthern Line.
Second Prize: a monthly Travel Pass for the Northern Line?


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## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

"oops, I've just come"....


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## misrule (May 6, 2002)

"Would an ISS cleaner please come to the main concourse. Code 4."

(Translation: Somebody shovel up the puke/innards/sh*te). 

Mark


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## DXN (May 18, 2002)

tsshhh.. t.. t.. tsshh... t... t... tssshh

(from the person wearing the walkman.)


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## Guest (Apr 12, 2003)

London Underground apologise for the delay


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## mike_bailey (May 7, 2002)

"Screeeech, crash, bang, scrape, scrape, chunder, chunder."

"bloody 'ell, I've de-railed the bugger, bet that's gonna take a while to fix"


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## misrule (May 6, 2002)

I heard a fantastic confrontation between a Sun reader, an old biddy and a middle-eastern beggar.

Beggar: "Change, pleez?"

Sun reader: "You're taking the p*ss, aintcha? You've got a nice leather jacket, new shoes -- you're better off than I am ..." _*goes off on furious rant*_

Beggar, pleading: "England good! Manchester United! David Beck-ham!"

Biddy: "If you don't go away we shall call the police."

Sun reader: "Bo**ocks, we'll call the police. We'll kick 'is f*ckin' head in." _*puts down paper and stands up to administer kicking*_

Train pulls in to station. Thankful beggar legs it.

Curtain Â 

Mark


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## DXN (May 18, 2002)

Can anyone else smell smoke??

(bit distastful I know!)


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Or you get some foreign little fella saying 'dis is ya dwiver' then he rattles the microphone when he is talking so you cant hear all the stations the train may be stopping at....bastard!


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

"This station is oval".
No, it's the same shape as all the other stations.....


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

"Ladies and gentleman, the doors are about to close, please mind the doors...

...and to the busker that's just about to board my train, don't even think about it"

On the Picadilly line at Hammersmith.


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## jgoodman00 (May 6, 2002)

> "Ladies and gentleman, the doors are about to close, please mind the doors...
> 
> ...and to the busker that's just about to board my train, don't even think about it"
> 
> On the Picadilly line at Hammersmith.


lol, excellent... 



> "Will inspector Sans please report to the operations room"


If you hear this message, watch the station-staff. They generally start moving towards the exits ...


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