# Don't open if you're a girl....



## Hannibal (Dec 1, 2003)

A priest and nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available. 
Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed. 
Nun: I think that would be okay. 
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later... 
Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold. 
Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. 
(He does) Ten minutes later... 
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. 
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. 
(He does) Ten minutes later... 
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night. 
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house.

She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work." the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress" the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."

The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress" she replied.

"Needs ironing." he said.

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as lovers. The first woman says ''My husband works as a marriage counsellor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.'' 
The second woman says, ''My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that.'' 
The third woman just shakes her head and says, ''My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it.''

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:

"I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

For the first time in it's history the Silent Order of Trappist Monks allows
a woman to joins it's ranks. Before she starts the Abbot tells her that she
will be allowed to say two words every 10 years, she agrees and begins her
vow of silenece.

At the end of 10 years the abbot calls her in and asks her for her two
words, she says: "Hard Bed" so the abbot makes sure that she gets a lovely
soft mattress for her bed.

At the end of another 10 years the abbot calls hers in and asks for her next
two words. She says: "Cold Food" So the abbot agrees that from now on all
her food will be piping hot.

At the end of another 10 years the abbot calls her in and asks her next two
words. She says: "I quit!"

The abbots says "I should hope so, you've done nothing but fuckin' complain
since you got here!"


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

OOOOh they are oh so cheeky [smiley=whip.gif]


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## smuTTy (May 3, 2004)

Quality, good effort! :lol:


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## Pammy (Nov 10, 2003)

but sadly - quite old too

still funny tho :lol:


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