# The Census



## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

Good grief - have you looked at some of the blasted questions?????

Is it just me, or is this intrusive? Not sure I feel inclined to answer a lot of this carp.


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## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

Yep like we all have nothing better to do than wast time on this crap


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## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

SalsredTT said:


> Good grief - have you looked at some of the blasted questions?????
> 
> Is it just me, or is this intrusive? Not sure I feel inclined to answer a lot of this carp.


Sounds fishy to me


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

Indeed - and crap it is too.

Like it's going to provide a true representation of this country ............. yea right.


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

Cod knows Walls - it has a whaft of pike to me - i.e needs a gaff.


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## Colinthecop (Jan 2, 2008)

Time to become a Jedi again me thinks.... 8)


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

for my census i have turned japanese and have 13 daughters and have never worked in my life but give blood for chinese medicines 20 times a year for £10 a time..........i also grow bonzai trees for a hobby in an egg cup on my front window that get auctioned at online sales under an alias for 3k a time.


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

*wetting meself here G*
Goes off to arrange alternative identity!!


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

SalsredTT said:


> *wetting meself here G*
> Goes off to arrange alternative identity!!


wetting yourself isnt there addys for that on tv lately .......tennor lady £10 a lady errrr ok can i have four please and all under 9 stone as my backs sore and cannot do the 54th position anymore..........diff topic sozzz folks, normal service will resume in 3-2-1 goneeeeeeeeeee


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

I haven't opened mine yet.  The mischievous side of me wants to fill it with slightly amusing carp (or maybe a haddock - not sure if that'll work online though). But given that the government uses this to know what it needs to invest in and focus on it's probably not a good idea to fill it with fish unless we want even more government policies way off the mark.


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## shao_khan (May 7, 2002)

Colinthecop said:


> Time to become a Jedi again me thinks.... 8)


Another Jedi Family here as well


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

In general i do not mind filling it in, although some of the questions are far too intrusive. What i object to is the fact that they say i must fill it in. Also will they sell any of the info, they may say they won't but i don't believe a word they say.


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

This is the frigging Office of National Statistics you eejit, not some company with an Indian call-centre. They are not going to flog off your personal details to anybody.

I've just filled mine in, _really_ what are you cry babies finding so invasive on it? Aww, they want to know what country you were born in? Or that you're gainfully employed? It's not like they are asking you if you like it from behind.

Anyway, on the religion front - don't put Jedi. That was the last one; put Sith this time


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Dash said:


> This is the frigging Office of National Statistics you eejit, not some company with an Indian call-centre. They are not going to flog off your personal details to anybody.
> 
> I have restrained myself and not wrote what my initial reaction to your comment was in respect to other people on this forum. Maybe you are trying to be hard or funny or maybe you can't help yourself because some mothers do av em.
> 
> The DVLA sell our details to the highest bidder, so why wouldn't these lot. I don't really think they will, but i didn't really think the DVLA would either. But my mind has been put at rest now because you have said they won't.


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## oceans7 (Oct 20, 2009)

The force is strong in me also, although care should be taken lest our inbred government decides there are enough Jedi living in the UK to justify a light sabre tax. The census is a load of intrusive, big brother bollocks and I will be filling mine in in a Mighty Boosh fashion.


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

Got mine through today. It's like a sodding novel!


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## T3RBO (Dec 9, 2003)

Just opened mine... seems like 32 pages of stupid questions that will make no difference to how anything is done!

And I also don't trust them not to pass on the information as I know my local council happily does :x


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

T3RBO said:


> And I also don't trust them not to pass on the information :x


Same here

Got mine today, filled it in reluctantly but don't trust the buggars :?


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## shao_khan (May 7, 2002)

Dont forget its relevent to a specific date not today 

I havent bothered to read the instructions - do I need to include people that are on holiday on the 27th?


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

shao_khan said:


> Dont forget its relevent to a specific date not today
> 
> I havent bothered to read the instructions - do I need to include people that are on holiday on the 27th?


From what I can make out, its supposed to be a snapshot of the country on the 27th, so supposed to fill in then or asap after.

Hmmmm so why did a couple of colleagues tell me they did their's nline - today?? If they (you know, THEM) want the 27th, then why allow online completion beforehand!


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

shao_khan said:


> Dont forget its relevent to a specific date not today
> 
> I havent bothered to read the instructions - do I need to include people that are on holiday on the 27th?


Hi Chris,
long time no hear 

Correct it's to be a snap shot of your circumstances on 27th March 2011; so if the people that are on holiday on 27th normally live in your house then, yes, you need to include them.
As mine will be the same on 27th as they are today I "did my deep" today


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

fut1a said:


> The DVLA sell our details to the highest bidder, so why wouldn't these lot. I don't really think they will, but i didn't really think the DVLA would either. But my mind has been put at rest now because you have said they won't.


This is complete rubbish, peddled by the sensationalist media.

The DVLA do not sell your _personal_ information to the highest bidder. They _do_ make this information available to select organisations for the purpose of conducting business within the motor industry. This is not available to any person willing to pay though. I work for a company that deals with processing the claims for motor incidents for big insurance companies. Although it's heavily involved in insurance and is a FTSE company, it is not allowed to access personal data electronically.

You would soon start to cry if somebody hit your vehicle and despite having their registration mark not being able to do anything about it. The whole point of a registration mark is so insurers can tie a person to that vehicle.


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

Dash said:


> They _do_ make this information available to select organisations for the purpose of conducting business within the motor industry. This is not available to any person willing to pay though.


It is available to the public (for a fee of £2.50 per request). As part of the request you have to be able to show 'reasonable cause' to need the info. This page shows what might constitute reasonable cause:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Motoring/OwningAVehicle/AdviceOnKeepingYourVehicle/DG_180097

I'm sure if you contacted the DVLA and said a car was abandoned on your land or was blocking your drive, they'd release all the owners details.


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## HighTT (Feb 14, 2004)

Looking forward to answering Question 17


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

Ok, any organisation willing to pay 

My point is it cannot be bulk bought by the highest bidder and the whole purpose of registrations is to tie an owner to a car.


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

Completed mine online yesterday.

I know that it's a snapshot of the 27th March but I know for a fact that I will be a sad, single, home alone twat then as I am now. So no point delaying the inevitable!! :lol:


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

Dash said:


> Ok, any organisation willing to pay


Any organisation, company or private citizen willing to pay.


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

Private Prozac said:


> but I know for a fact that I will be a sad, single, home alone twat then as I am now. So no point delaying the inevitable!! :lol:


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

I've so far made good use of mine though.  As it has been aquainted with some of my kitchen sides whilst being nosed at while the kettle is boiling, dinner cooking or even the odd munch on a biscuit, It has been used for putting cups of tea and coffee on, think it already has a bit of dinner over the front and today I found myself cutting some poppy seed french bread on it  . By the time this goes back to them it is going to looked well loved and abused I can tell


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## NaughTTy (Jul 9, 2003)

Just been sent this - seen it before but perfectly relevant  
Subject: Fwd: From an actual British passport application - forgive the language

This was actually taken (allegedly) from a UK passport application and a member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run Premium Bonds they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim before I die. Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my NHS insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture... Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go back to Salisbury
and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally pissed off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances, which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor...who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

Just so you know...

We were told yesterday (as someone spotted my missus carrying the envelope with a view to posting it) not to bother.

He'd posted his back and had it returned. As mentioned above, you've got to fill it in on 27 March so therefore, you can't send it back before then.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

NaughTTy said:


> Just been sent this - seen it before but perfectly relevant
> Subject: Fwd: From an actual British passport application - forgive the language
> 
> This was actually taken (allegedly) from a UK passport application and a member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.
> ...


I wuld do the same :lol: :lol: :lol:

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, if it wasn't so sad :?


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Kell said:


> Just so you know...
> 
> We were told yesterday (as someone spotted my missus carrying the envelope with a view to posting it) not to bother.
> 
> He'd posted his back and had it returned. As mentioned above, you've got to fill it in on 27 March so therefore, you can't send it back before then.


cool so i can be a nigerian with fourteen wives living on benefit next................not that all nigerians with 14 wives in briatain live on benefit!!! but i think i wall also have 18 christian children that can sing the national anthem also.


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

Kell said:


> He'd posted his back and had it returned. As mentioned above, you've got to fill it in on 27 March so therefore, you can't send it back before then.


This is what I don't get. I filled it out online the other week and it didn't complain about it being nowhere near the 27th. Do you think they'll just write me off?


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Just filled mine in online. I found it intrusive to say the least.

If you fill it out online there is a lot of wasted paper especially if you live in Wales where you would get one in English and Welsh. save the planet and all that.


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

A few people on this thread have said they found it intrusive, or that there's a lot to fill in... I looked at it the other day and it was a couple of pages per person and for the life of me I couldn't find a single question I felt was even remotely 'intrusive'.

Did I get a different census to everyone else??


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

No no, you've got the same census. What you've failed to do is catch a glimpse of a headline in the newspaper about the census, jump on the bandwagon, and then moan about something because it seems vaguely topical.


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Dash said:


> No no, you've got the same census. What you've failed to do is catch a glimpse of a headline in the newspaper about the census, jump on the bandwagon, and then moan about something because it seems vaguely topical.


Yes that must be correct because you said so.


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

fut1a said:


> Dash said:
> 
> 
> > No no, you've got the same census. What you've failed to do is catch a glimpse of a headline in the newspaper about the census, jump on the bandwagon, and then moan about something because it seems vaguely topical.
> ...


No, technically it must be correct because I agree with him.


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Spandex said:


> fut1a said:
> 
> 
> > Dash said:
> ...


Oh pardon me then. I must not have found it intrusive i couldn't possibly have.

If it's not too much trouble could i ask for your advice in future when i need to form an opinion on something.


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

fut1a said:


> Oh pardon me then. I must not have found it intrusive i couldn't possibly have.
> 
> If it's not too much trouble could i ask for your advice in future when i need to form an opinion on something.


Absolutely. No trouble at all. I'm full of opinions.


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

Spandex said:


> Absolutely. No trouble at all. I'm full of opinions.


And don't we all know about it on each and every occasion :lol: :lol:

I mean that in a very good humoured way, but you did very much walk into it 

Charlie


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Absolutely. No trouble at all. I'm full of opinions.[/quote]

I thought you wrote 'i'm full of sh**' at first'.


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

Charlie said:


> Spandex said:
> 
> 
> > Absolutely. No trouble at all. I'm full of opinions.
> ...


It's always nice when people explain your jokes.


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

Spandex said:


> Charlie said:
> 
> 
> > Spandex said:
> ...


Well you know what it is like, intended humour is more difficult to transmit in the written word  you can just end up coming across like a complete c**k.

Charlie


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

Charlie said:


> Well you know what it is like, intended humour is more difficult to transmit in the written word  you can just end up coming across like a complete c**k.
> 
> Charlie


Coming across like one???


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

fut1a said:


> Yes that must be correct because you said so.


That tends to be the case.



Spandex said:


> No, technically it must be correct because I agree with him.


And so does this.



fut1a said:


> Oh pardon me then. I must not have found it intrusive i couldn't possibly have.
> 
> If it's not too much trouble could i ask for your advice in future when i need to form an opinion on something.


I think if you found it intrusive you're an a bit over-sensitive; gauging from your reaction to _opinions_ on the _internet_ from people who have _no authority_ over you, that's probably bang on the money.

Perhaps I'm too liberal... pray tell, what question in particular did you find intrusive for the government to enquire about?


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Dash said:


> fut1a said:
> 
> 
> > Yes that must be correct because you said so.
> ...


I did not find a question intrusive, i found a few questions intrusive. You obviously don't mind the government knowing everything about you, I on the other hand do, that is my opinion. I am soooooooooo sorry that you have some problem with any opinions i seem to have, trust me i will be loosing sleep over it. I do not like having to provide the government with any information, I do not trust how they use it, or trust them not to lose it or sell it. I also take exception to the fact that they force me to provide it. I was never very good at being told what i must and musn't do. You on the other hand seem to like being a good little boy and doing as you are told,


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

Come on then, which questions? Or was it just the cheek of asking _any_ questions?

I get entirely your distrust of the government, heck any organisation to keep personal data secure - but what personal data are we talking about here? We know full well there will be no releasing of raw data with address data linked - but even if they did, what is there that couldn't have been answered by simply observing you for a couple of days? And then, what would it matter? There is nothing on there that anybody in their right mind (which I appreciate that you may not be) would want to keep secret.

People _should_ protest at having to give their personal information up to organisations without any need for it. Protesting against this census is a display of a lack of understanding about the census and its purpose. Keep your protests for commercial organisations wanting to know your address when you buy a microwave in a shop. Or Internet sites that require your e-mail address to vote in a poll. Why do they need this information? It's hard to convince sometimes. Why do the government need to know what sort of people are living in the country? Well if you can't figure that out then you really ought to have your voting power removed.


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Dash said:


> Come on then, which questions? Or was it just the cheek of asking _any_ questions?
> 
> I get entirely your distrust of the government, heck any organisation to keep personal data secure - but what personal data are we talking about here? We know full well there will be no releasing of raw data with address data linked - but even if they did, what is there that couldn't have been answered by simply observing you for a couple of days? And then, what would it matter? There is nothing on there that anybody in their right mind (which I appreciate that you may not be) would want to keep secret.
> 
> People _should_ protest at having to give their personal information up to organisations without any need for it. Protesting against this census is a display of a lack of understanding about the census and its purpose. Keep your protests for commercial organisations wanting to know your address when you buy a microwave in a shop. Or Internet sites that require your e-mail address to vote in a poll. Why do they need this information? It's hard to convince sometimes. Why do the government need to know what sort of people are living in the country? Well if you can't figure that out then you really ought to have your voting power removed.


Look it's nearly 7pm i bet your mum's been calling you down to get your spaghetti hoops for ages. We can caerry this on tomorrow if you are still off school. Don't forget to send me that email, i am sure i can help with that bully in school. Don't forget to say your prayers, good night god bless.


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

How can you argue with that? :lol:

Nob


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

lmao..........touchy or what he he
itook the census for what is was crap that according to them will be locked away for 50yrs?
so i am an american working in britain for the government and have my family here. most questions were i cannot answer that due to national security blah blah blah..........it wont ever come back, doubt it will even be read as it will be filed in the bin under (cannot do sod all with this one) gaz

ps lighten up folks or just dont ask for peeps opinions as i found and had to sozz spandex lol (that hurt)


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)




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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Dash said:


> How can you argue with that? :lol:
> 
> Nob


Leave my nob out of it. If nobs are your thing then fine just don't assume we are all nob jockeys i have nothing against you being gay it's just not my thing. I can see now why you like the government and the census now though, they have recognised people of your sexual orientation, i bet you were well chuffed you could tick the same sex civil partneship box. Now if you won't go to bed at least go and dash back under that rock like a good queer boy :roll:


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

thats out of order bud...........dash is only responding to your posts and you are just winding yourself up over nothing.
fun forum but you have got wrong end of stick i think


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

fut1a said:


> Leave my nob out of it. If nobs are your thing then fine just don't assume we are all nob jockeys i have nothing against you being gay it's just not my thing. I can see now why you like the government and the census now though, they have recognised people of your sexual orientation, i bet you were well chuffed you could tick the same sex civil partneship box. Now if you won't go to bed at least go and dash back under that rock like a good queer boy :roll:


Whilst that *is* a totally awesome comeback, you forgot to say which questions you found intrusive.


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)




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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

Dash said:


>


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Love that

Charlie


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## fut1a (Dec 28, 2006)

Dash said:


>


Is a facepalm some sort of gay scene thing.

Anyway not messing now.........get to bed. and don't go chocking the chicken and thinking of me :roll:


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

ok agreed nob
have to say chazzchops i am very reserved of late and no rows or kick offs!!! think maybe i have learnt my lesson lol


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## Guest (Mar 22, 2011)

Wow,this thread is full of win 

Sorry fut1a but....


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

manphibian said:


> Wow,this thread is full of win
> 
> Sorry fut1a but....


phib u bast u owe me a new tom tom as just spat wine al over it with that pic lmfao noiceeeeeeeee


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

A good read folks if not about the census :lol:


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## Dash (Oct 5, 2008)

fut1a said:


> Is a facepalm some sort of gay scene thing.


Nice effort, but no.










HTH HAND


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## Smeds (Oct 28, 2009)

If, for whatever reason, you do feel hard done by regarding the census, check this out...

http://www.peacenewslog.info/2011/03/ho ... t-version/


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