# I'm giving up with women...



## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Can't hack it.

Fed up with mood swings, shit after a late night working, verbal about what I spend on my car, the drink I neck on a Friday night and the standard of my house cleaning abilities while she's away working (I'm working too).

I'm not a muppet. I'm not unsympathetic to her needs and I don't prevent her doing anything she wants (within reason).

I listen to her troubles and we talk about everything.

Yet she spends every waking minute texting a bloke with one arm (and pots of compensation) down at her gym. I tolerate it. Supposedly it's all about cats and it may well be - we have one and so does he. I love all animals as does she but somehow and for some reason we row.

Can I have some advice from a woman's point of view please?

Ta

Rich :?


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## mrs coope (Mar 24, 2007)

rustyintegrale said:


> Can't hack it.
> 
> Fed up with mood swings, shit after a late night working, verbal about what I spend on my car, the drink I neck on a Friday night and the standard of my house cleaning abilities while she's away working (I'm working too).
> 
> ...


Think you need another mans point of view actually Rich - poor old Coope would sympathise with you I'm sure..... :wink:

However let me try & decipher some of her (normal  ) behaviour for you & hopefully it'll help.....

Mood swings - could be hormonal (seriously) try noting when her cycle would be, some women get serious PMT/PMS from ovulation onwards which can make them act quite crazy but FFS don't ask her if it's that of she'll take your head off! Could also be stress triggered by any amount of things work, money, family, friends (or lack of) list is pretty much endless.....

Shit after working a late night - was this work impromptu or planned/regular? Does she think you'd rather work than be with her? Try what Coope does - it works for us, when he used to work late I sometimes worried that he would rather be at work than with me or resented him giving him what I saw as "our time" to work which had so much of him already - these were entirely my insecurities & he just learned to reassure me in a really good way that stopped me getting humpy & being shitty with him when he got home  
Try texting/calling her to soften the blow ie: "Bummer - gotta work late & all I really wanted to do was come home & be with you now I'm going to really miss you - so sorry Darling" then during the evening a couple of quick "miss you/love you/thinking of you" texts or a quick call just saying "Miss ya!" or "Love ya" & putting the phone down, calling her when your on the way home & telling her you've had a shit/hard day & now its all over you just need a big cuddle to make everything fine as you're so sorry you had to work late..... all this may sound a bit sickening but it will reassure her that you're not having fun without her & will help her to see it from your point of view & softening her up to respect your needs too.... :wink:

Verbal about what you spend on your car - this depends if it impacts on other things that you could be spending it on, but then has she got a passion that she spends on that pi$$es you off? & does she understand that your car IS your passion/hobby? May need some more input about this one....

Drink you neck on a Friday night - perhaps think about why it is a problem for her? Is she drinking with you? Is it your health she's concerned about? How does your behaviour change when you've had a drink? (or hers come to that!) Being very honest with you I feel extremely uncomfortable around people that are drunk - even tipsy -when I'm sober, it pushes a lot of buttons for me & I don't deal with it well, I don't have a problem if I've had a drink too though - I've worked with this & know where it comes from & again am aware that this is my stuff but maybe your other half isn't...... Maybe try asking her sensitively what she doesn't like about it, but FFS don't do that when you're drunk, do it when you're sober & let her know you understand that it bothers her but not why & want to try & reach a new level of understanding in your relationship.....

The standard of your house cleaning abilities when she's away..... well you're not her! This used to be a stumbling block for us too, then the light bulb went on.... :!: Gary tries REALLY hard to keep house when I'm not around (we both work & have 2 small daughters 2 & 5, 1 large son 22 & 3 dogs - just to put you in the picture....) TBH it often appears that he does a better job than I do! This feels to me like he doesn't need me...... yeah daft I know but stick with me.... On closer inspection the house work is not done to my exacting standard (why should it be? Gary is not me) or the way I like things done (why should it be? Gary is not me)...... this makes me realise that he DOES in-fact need me (HURRAH!  ) but makes him feel that "he hasn't done it right/has done it wrong/that I don't appreciate him" - none of which is true..... Try telling her something like - "I really tried to make everything look nice for when you got back Honey but don't look too close 'cause I can't do it as well as you." getting the point across that you did at least TRY (unless you didn't in which case you deserve all you get IMO!  ) Each of you needs to realise that you both have your own way of doing things & these will be different from each other..... it is unfair to expect that you will do things "right" or "her way" if you don't know what that is/haven't been shown/don't give a rats @rse!

You're not a muppet - well, good - no-one looks good with someones arm up their ar$e!!

Not unsympathetic to her needs - WOW  , lucky her!! & lucky you if you know what they are - but do you? Be careful of not falling into the trap of thinking/assuming/believing you know what they are for her without checking..... this one is a minefield - TRULY! No-one can ever KNOW exactly what another needs, you can get it right sometimes but you should check it out too - never be afraid to ask "What do you need right now?" if she says "If you loved me you'd know" the answer is simple "I love you enough to want to be sure to get it right & respect you enough to ask"..... but you say you are sympathetic & if that is meant in the truest sense then I stand by my first response & say again "lucky her", it's something that a lot of people do not have in their relationship & I sincerely hope it is reciprocated.....

Don't prevent her from doing anything she wants (within reason) - hmmmm what are you? Her partner or her Dad? She should be allowed to make her own decisions in all that she does, make her aware of any impact on you & your feelings..... but I'm struggling here thinking about anything that Coope would "prevent" me from doing & that not causing some amount of resentment....... :?

Listen to her troubles & talk about everything - I truly believe that communication is the key to any great relationship, with the deepest respect, very few Men (unless they've read books on the subject) are able to listen to their partners problems without offering guidance, suggestions & solutions..... in other words trying to fix the problem or fix her...... Trouble is, she doesn't need fixing - she ain't broke! If you're busy thinking about some guidance/suggestions/a solution then you're not listening (sorry, but it's true!). Women & men discuss things differently - women just like to talk things through, it's how we understand things by listening to ourselves talk & how we resolve things which is why we can (& do - often) switch subjects so easily & not loose track; we're just talking..... & we feel better for it. Do you really talk about everything? Does she listen to you? Or do you not "burden" her with your problems? We all need to feel needed & perhaps she feels you don't open up to her like she does to you..... this is extremely common!! If not then she may feel that you don't trust her with your deepest feelings........

The one-armed-bandit - why is she texting this bloke? Why are you tollerating it? Why don't you tell her you don't like it? If she wants to be friends with him then invite him round & you'll BOTH get to know him & he'll have two new friends..... We have dogs, but if Coope was texting someone (with whatever number of arms) about them I'd have something to say about it & so would he if the roles are reversed. Apart from which, if this guy is "Billy-no-mates" & she's feeling sympathy for him, do him the favour of widening his circle of friends & getting him to know you too, if not couldn't her texts be giving him the wrong message of interest & possibly hurt him? Or is she just testing you to see how far you'll go before you explode into a jealous rage? Challenge her real motive for texting him, admit that it bothers you, wouldn't it bother her if you were doing the same?

You row - well nothing gets solved that way - try to spend some time together & talk.... keep everything focused & don't bring in other/past issues stick with it & give yourselves boundaries: now shouting, no swearing within reason (I f*cking hate it = OK f*ck off! = NOT OK), no name calling, no alcohol, no interruptions, time limit (30 mins), no butting in, LISTEN & respond in turns, talk with love, respect & integrity........ otherwise there are some good relationship books you could try or couples counselling - I give discount to Forum members!! 

Anyway, good luck Rich, you obviously care alot about your relationship - especially if you've managed to plough your way through this entire reply without falling asleep....... :?


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Wow that wa some response Mrs Coope, so thank you for taking the trouble to write it! 

I can identify with a lot of what you say and I'll try some of the techniques you suggest for dealing with a problem.

We're at least talking now so that's good. No divorce quite yet then!

Have a good weekend and thanks again.

Rich


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## Leg (Jan 11, 2006)

Well there you go, a womans response, 3 million words.

Here is a blokes response.

Tell her to sod off and get a nice 19 year old blonde in. Job done.


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## Widget (May 7, 2002)

In the average day, the average woman says 30,000 words and the average man says 9,000.


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## NaughTTy (Jul 9, 2003)

Leg said:


> Well there you go, a womans response, 3 million words.
> 
> Here is a blokes response.
> 
> Tell her to sod off and get a nice 19 year old blonde in. Job done.


Class :lol:


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

Join the club Rusty! :?

I'm sure they were put on earth to hack me off, (well, the ones I end up with anyway!).

Don't get me wrong, I love women. But jeeze, sometimes they really do get on your t*ts. I wonder why I'm always the 'intelligent' one in the relationship. Why whatever I say is always right. It's not being big-headed or patronising but I think 'Where's your bloody brain cell woman?'.

I think maybe they're too young for me but there's only been 2 younger and the other 2 older and I still have the same problem.

Hence now single.....again!!


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

mrs coope said:


> ...but if Coope was texting someone (with whatever number of arms)....


 :lol:

Good one Mrs C.


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## Wallsendmag (Feb 12, 2004)

Have you sent Rebel a pm ?


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

Why? Do you think he'd be better off if he licked the other side of the stamp?


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## mrs coope (Mar 24, 2007)

TT2BMW said:


> Join the club Rusty! :?
> 
> I'm sure they were put on earth to hack me off, (well, the ones I end up with anyway!).
> 
> ...


Never mind Hun! She's out there for you - she just hasn't found you yet..... :wink:


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## digimeisTTer (Apr 27, 2004)

I think Mrs Coope summed it up in a nutshell

They moan about things but don't wan't a solution to the problem - Go figure? :?

If they didn't have the honeypot.................... :roll:


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## mrs coope (Mar 24, 2007)

digimeisTTer said:


> I think Mrs Coope summed it up in a nutshell
> 
> They moan about things but don't wan't a solution to the problem - Go figure? :?
> 
> If they didn't have the honeypot.................... :roll:


..... it's not that we don't want the solution, we're just perfectly capable of finding it ourselves by talking it through - we process the problem & come to our own solution - eventually  (right or wrong!) but many men try, with the very best of intentions, borne out of caring/love/hating to see someone struggling/whatever, leap in & do a Jimmy Saville which isn't what we actually need (sometimes). :?

Anyway me & my honeypot are off up to bed to find Pooh Bear..... :wink:

Bloody hell - if Coope ever finds out I called him pooh bear he'll kill me!" 

Nite all!
:-*


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

TT2BMW said:


> mrs coope said:
> 
> 
> > ...but if Coope was texting someone (with whatever number of arms)....
> ...


Mrs Coope, you would be more worried if he was texting with one arm and doing other things with his other arm being a bloke :lol:  :wink:


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## mrs coope (Mar 24, 2007)

Dotti said:


> TT2BMW said:
> 
> 
> > mrs coope said:
> ...


  .....I'm sure I don't know what you mean Dotti.......! :roll:


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## *AL* (Nov 20, 2007)

I have a mate at work whos wife has a 'special friend' as i call it, they work together.She swears nothing is going on and whilst he doesn't like it he tollerates it.Secret texting, not letting her phone out of her sight, friendly bike rides at weekends to mention a few 'activities' they enjoy as friends.
My mate needs a wake up call ffs, she even has the cheek to kiss the guy goodbye infront of my mate! His sex life with his missus is nonexistant, but still insists her and this guy are only friends!!
I get angry just talking to him about it.I have met his wife and she is also very flurtasious(sp)...........if nothing is going on between her and this 'special friend' then i'd personally gouge my own eyes out with my toothbrush!! :roll:

Whilst it's not impossible for a woman to have a male friend whilst married, i find these situations very suspect.If your partner needs to seek a 'friend' then clearly you have a relationship problem. Al.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

*AL* said:


> His sex life with his missus is nonexistant, but still insists her and this guy are only friends!!
> Al.


Have you asked your friend if he want to have an adult relationship with his wife :?


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## *AL* (Nov 20, 2007)

A3DFU said:


> *AL* said:
> 
> 
> > His sex life with his missus is nonexistant, but still insists her and this guy are only friends!!
> ...


I've asked him everything  ..........he is currently being treated for depression.Quite a wierd enviroment for his 2 kids.Basically one couple living 2 separate lives...............anyway enough of this, it isn't my thread!! Sorry!!


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## Dotti (Mar 9, 2003)

rustyintegrale said:


> Can't hack it.
> 
> Fed up with mood swings, shit after a late night working, verbal about what I spend on my car, the drink I neck on a Friday night and the standard of my house cleaning abilities while she's away working (I'm working too).
> 
> ...


Just a second. Haven't you just got married to this lady? :lol: :roll:


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

That's what I thought!

Isn't he just back from Honeymoon? He's either bloody forgetful or that's one hell of a quick wam bam thank you Mrs Rusty! :lol:


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Or it could be that normal life has started to set in and the honeymooneers have to face reality now and come back down to earth :roll:


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## Private Prozac (Jul 7, 2003)

Yeah. And how long will _that_ last eh Dani? :wink:


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Difficult to say :roll:

I know marriages that lasted between 2 weeks and 60 odd years


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## PDW (Jul 6, 2007)

What a pink and fluffy thread. Awe lovely .....................


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## Toshiba (Jul 8, 2004)

Rebel on the MKII forum swings both ways.


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Well going back to my original post - I still LUUUURRRRRVE my gorgeous wife...

Cheers

Rich


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