# Really, really bad lyrics - what's the worst?



## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

Heard a tune on the radio yesterday - sorry didn't know who it was - but the lyrics were truly dreadful.

Set me thinking - what are some of the worst lyrics out there?

For me it has to be the immortal line:

_I'm serious as cancer,
When I say rhythm is a dancer_

by Snap.

Any worse than that?


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## mobtob (Jul 11, 2003)

Sophie Ellis Bextor's latest masterpiece

"I'd like to change a tyre but I'm not that way inclined"


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## jgoodman00 (May 6, 2002)

> Sophie Ellis Bextor's latest masterpiece
> 
> "I'd like to change a tyre but I'm not that way inclined"


Or how about the bit a few lines later about still changing her underwear!


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

> Or how about the bit a few lines later about still changing her underwear!


Do you mean:

_But I'll still change my underwear if that's OK with you_

Pretty rotten. Somehow shocking lyrics seem to stick easier than good ones. (in other words I don't own any pap by SEB - just remember the lyrics!)


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## Poj (Mar 19, 2003)

One line that sticks in my head is from a song out in about the mid ninetees,

"I dont want to see a ghost rather have a piece of toast"

Its gonna bug me now thinking of the song and singer, sung by a woman,think it may be called life. ???


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## jam (May 8, 2002)

Spandau Ballet's Gold:

Thank you for coming home.
I'm sorry that the chairs are all worn.
I left them here I could have sworn.
These are my salad days slowly being eaten away.
Just another play for today.
Oh but I'm proud of you but I'm proud of you......

etc etc

oh and the ghost piece of toast is Des'Ree - Brent's favourite!

cheers

James


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## Guest (Feb 4, 2004)

> One line that sticks in my head is from a song out in about the mid ninetees,
> 
> "I dont want to see a ghost rather have a piece of toast"
> 
> Its gonna bug me now thinking of the song and singer, sung by a woman,think it may be called life. ???


Life by Des'ree :-*


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

> One line that sticks in my head is from a song out in about the mid ninetees,
> 
> "I dont want to see a ghost rather have a piece of toast"
> 
> Its gonna bug me now thinking of the song and singer, sung by a woman,think it may be called life. ???


Indeed, another classic, remember it with a shudder. Â I think it was by Des'ree and was (as you say) called Life. Â Also contained the memorable:

_I'm afraid of the dark, especially when I am in the park_

Actually, thinking about it, that song is right up there for overall worst lyrics. Â Good call!


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## L8_0RGY (Sep 12, 2003)

This has got be the worst i've seen in a while, written by Mr Andre;


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

> Life by Des'ree :-*


Shucks, you beat me! ;D


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

Oasis - "She done it with a Doctor, in a helicopter".

Anything by New Order.

Anything by Black Lace.


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

> Anything by New Order.


 ;D


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

> ;D


You know! Good music - Rotten lyrics.


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

> Shucks, you beat me! ;D


And me


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

> Oasis - "She done it with a Doctor, in a helicopter".


Not heard that one before, but it's hilarious


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## Guest (Feb 4, 2004)

> Shucks, you beat me! Â ;D


   :-*

How about

Last night I heard my mama singing a song
ooh-we Chirpy, Chirpy, Cheep, Cheep.


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## DXN (May 18, 2002)

guns and roses
sweet child of mine

"if I thought of rain I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain"

oh and for JDN ;D

R.E.M
whats the frequency kenneth

lyrics...... what is all that about then


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## L8_0RGY (Sep 12, 2003)

Another horrific one is - i can't even remember the artist, i think was called "Cotton Eye Joe"

Where did you come from
Where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton Eye Joe

??? [smiley=help.gif]


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## sonnyikea (Dec 31, 2002)

'the rhythm is the bass and the bass is the treble'

Warren G - absolute classic line - so bad it's good ;D


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

I am the egg man. I am the walrus. Googoogoojoob.

What the hell are you on, man?


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

> Another horrific one is - i can't even remember the artist, i think was called "Cotton Eye Joe"
> 
> Where did you come from
> Where did you go
> ...


They were called rednex. I remember back then I was subscribed to a UK techno mailing list and a bloke from them came on and started raving on about how good they were. They got such a slagging.


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

He was turned to steel
In the great magnetic field
Where he traveled time
For the future of mankind

One of Ozzy Osbourne's better lyrics


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

Do wa diddy diddy dum diddy whatever.

I'm on a roll here


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey heeeeeeeyy baaaaaabbbbbbyyyy (ooo ahhh)

[smiley=rifle.gif]


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## misrule (May 6, 2002)

There's a brown girl in the ring, fa la la la la
There's a brown girl in the ring, fa la la la la la
There's a brown girl in the ring, fa la la la la
And she looks like sugar in a plum, plum, plum.

(Anyone seen Touching The Void? "I thought I was going to die to Boney M").

or

We ain't never been on The Old Grey Whistle Test
And we can't think of another line to rhyme.

(The Leyton Buzzards).

Mark


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## jonah (Aug 17, 2002)

Busted
I just seen her and she
She stands me against the wall
She crashed into a bus
Chasing some super model
She's analysed my smile
She's memorized my phone book
She always wears my clothes
Her favourite words are WOOOHOO!
She looks like, does like, sounds like me
She's stealing my identity
And I'm begging you


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## droopsnoot (Sep 5, 2002)

"Everything counts in large amounts"

Depeche Mode - Everything Counts


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

> Busted
> I just seen her and she
> She stands me against the wall
> She crashed into a bus
> ...


That reminds me! Did they not once utter:

_We live in the year 3000
Not much has changed but we live underwater..._

Not much then


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## NickP (May 6, 2002)

Anything written by Peter Andre

Including Insania :-X


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## jonah (Aug 17, 2002)

You mean this one ;D

I've been to the year three thousand
not much has changed but they lived under water,
and your great great great grand daughter,
is pretty fine (is pretty fine)

Reading alot of busted stuff makes u realise how crap music today is.
Here's another one

Air hostess
I like the way you dress
You know I hate to fly
But I feel much better
I can fly in my mind
And you will look better
I messed my pants
When we flew over France
Will I see you soon
In my hotel room
For a holiday romance?
Air hostess



> That reminds me! Â Did they not once utter:
> 
> _We live in the year 3000
> Not much has changed but we live underwater..._
> ...


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

Resistance is futile 
Now this my game
So switch off your mobile
And tell me your name

I'm a mover
I crawl on the floor
So give up your day job
And walk through my door

"Resistance is futile" - I monster.

The list goes on.


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

> I messed my pants


Ha ha.


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## GRANNY (Jun 18, 2002)

What about...

"I wanna, I wanna,I wanna, Ziggy zig ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Or any other crappy Spice girls rubbish


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

> What about...
> 
> "I wanna, I wanna,I wanna, Ziggy zig ahhhhhhhhhhhh
> 
> Or any other crappy Spice girls rubbish


Good call indeed. They are sh*ite.


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## phil (May 7, 2002)

> Good call indeed. They are sh*ite.


Yep. I think that one wins.


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## GRANNY (Jun 18, 2002)

Ahhh but what about this little selection.

I am a cider drinker oooohh argh( The wurzels)

Can he fix it, YES he can Bob the builder.( Bob Builder)

We wish you a Wombling merry Christmas.(Wombles)

Touch my bum Cheeky Cheeky,( Cheeky Girls)

Didnt need to do all the lyrics cos i have planted the seeds in your brains. ;D ;D ;D


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## NickP (May 6, 2002)

I was travellin' down the road, feelin' hungry and cold 
I saw a sign sayin' food and drinks for everyone 
so naturally I thought I would take me a look inside 
I saw so much food, there was water comin' from my eye

yeah there was ham an' there was turkey, there was caviar 
an' long tall glasses, with wine up to yar

an' then somebody grabbed me, threw me outta my chair 
said before you can eat, you gotta dance like Fred Astaire

you know I can't dance, you know I can't dance 
you know I can't dance, you know I can't dance 
I can't dance

I am a man of the road -- a hobo by name 
I don't seek entertainment, just poultry and game 
but if it's all the same to you, then yes I will try my hand 
if you were as hungry as me then I'm sure you would understand

hmmm 
now wait a minute 
let me see now

of course I can dance of course I can dance 
I'm sure I can dance, I'm sure I can dance.. 
I can dance

I can dance 
I really hit the floor 
ah feels good 
look at me dancin'

I did a two-step, quick-step and a bossa nova 
a little Victor Silvester, and a Rudy Valentino 
you should a seen me movin', right across the floor 
hand me down my tuxedo, next week I'm comin' back for more

I can dance -- oh yes! I can dance 
look at me dancin' the floor movin' 
I feel good -- I can dance 
I can dance, I can dance, I can dance.

:-X


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

> Ahhh but what about this little selection.
> 
> I am a cider drinker oooohh argh( The wurzels)
> 
> ...


Do comedy/novelty songs count though? The Cheeky Girls one is pretty bad, I have to say. I reckon the Ketchup song would be bad too if I knew what they were singing (NOTE: That is NOT a translation request!).


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

Heard on the radio this morning, 'Up' by Shania Twain:

I wanna grow a beard,
so I can hid my spots,
'cos I'm always playing join the dots!

 :  :  :

I thought she looked well horny in the video for 'That don't impress me much', but the lyrics in that song were pretty crap as well.

Conclusion: Shania's lyrics are crap!


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

> Heard on the radio this morning, 'Up' by Shania Twain:
> 
> I wanna grow a beard,
> so I can hid my spots,
> ...


Heard it as well, and agree that Shania Twain is another bad lyricist guaranteed to knock out dreadful songs again and again.

Another good call.


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

Most songs are nothing but bad poetry set to music.

There are a couple that stick out in my mind.

One from an otherwise solid performer Paul Weller:

A police car and a screaming siren -
A pneumatic drill and ripped up concrete -
A baby wailing and stray dog howling -
The screech of brakes and lamp light blinking -

That's Entertainment.

A smash of glass and a rumble of boots -
An electric train and a ripped up 'phone booth -
Paint splattered walls and the cry of a tomcat -
Lights going out and a kick in the balls -

That's Entertainment.

Days of speed and slow time Mondays -
Pissing down with rain on a boring Wednesday -
Watching the news and not eating your tea -
A freezing cold flat and damp on the walls -

That's Entertainment.

Waking up at 6 a.m. on a cool warm morning -
Opening the windows and breathing in petrol -
*An amateur band rehearsing in a nearby yard -*
Watching the tele and thinking about your holidays -

That's Entertainment.

Waking up from bad dreams and smoking cigarettes -
Cuddling a warm girl and smelling stale perfume -
A hot summer's day and sticky black tarmac -
Fedding ducks in the park and wishing you were far away -

That's Entertainment.

Two lovers kissing amongst the scream of midnight -
*Two lovers missing the tranquility of solitude -*
Getting a cab and travelling on buses -
Reading the graffiti about slashed seat affairs -

They don't look too bad when you see them there, but when you hear them in the song, they're simply too long, the metre is all wrong and they stick out like a sore thumb.

The other is by Toto (maybe) and has a line in it about "the sun rising over the Serengeti" or something. Â Likewise you can hear the singer struggling to fit the line into the rhythm of the song.


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## Dont I Recognise You (Oct 10, 2003)

something like:

'I hear the sound of echos in the night
rising like the whispers of the sunlight on the Serrrr-engettii' ?

or something :-[


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

Something like that yes! ;D


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

> The other is by Toto (maybe) and has a line in it about "the sun rising over the Serengeti" or something. Â Likewise you can hear the singer struggling to fit the line into the rhythm of the song.


I saw Toto in concert many moons ago in Germany and when the band members were being introduced by the singer, he refered to the lead guitarist as the 'Viceroy of vaginal viscosity'. I nearly pissed myself laughing and the audience all had a confused look on its face. ;D


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

> Most songs are nothing but bad poetry set to music.
> 
> There are a couple that stick out in my mind.
> 
> ...


"Africa" is the Toto song you're referring to. I think that suffers from dodgy lyrics as well as dodgy phrasing. "Serengeteeeeee" Â 

Since I can't bear Paul Weller's music (Solo or with Jam/SC etc.) I would say that it looks bad either way! He's a nice bloke though.......


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## Matthew (Oct 6, 2003)

> I saw Toto in concert many moons ago in Germany and when the band members were being introduced by the singer, he refered to the lead guitarist as the 'Viceroy of vaginal viscosity'. I nearly pissed myself laughing and the audience all had a confused look on its face. Â ;D


Steve Lukather has become huge fat blob now due in no small part to his addiciton problems, so I doubt whether there's a lot of vaginal viscosity being initiated by him.


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## m4ttc (May 6, 2002)

*Don't say you're easy on me...you're 'bout as easy as a nuclear war*

Duran Duran - Is there something i should know

How bad is that


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

> *Don't say you're easy on me...you're 'bout as easy as a nuclear war*
> 
> Duran Duran - Is there something i should know
> 
> How bad is that


That is very, very bad!


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## kingcutter (Aug 1, 2003)

pushing an elephant up the stairs wtf rem :-/


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## jdn (Aug 26, 2002)

> pushing an elephant up the stairs Â wtf Â rem :-/


Great song though.


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## kctt (Nov 10, 2002)

the only one that springs to mind is

"You're out of this world except your not green"

Justin what were you on?!

I forgive him ;D


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## Dubcat (Jun 10, 2002)

LL Cool J -

"I'll be the burger, you be the bun"

:


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## Kell (May 28, 2002)

Also LL Cool J -

Pink cookies in a plastic bag
getting crushed by buildings

WTF?


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## StuarTT (May 7, 2002)

I must admit that I quite like this one, by a certain B. Adams:

I wanna be your t-shirt when it's wet; 
wanna be the shower when you sweat; 
I gotta to be the tattoo on your skin; 
ya lemme be your bed baby - when you climb in... 
I wanna be the sheets when you sleep; 
lemme be the secrets that you keep; 
I gotta to be the spoon - ta stir your cream; 
I wanna to be the one that really makes you scream...

I wanna be - your lipstick - when ya lick it; 
I wanna be - your high heels - when ya kick it; 
I wanna be - your sweet love babe - ya when you make it; 
From your feet up to your hair - more than anything I swear 
I wanna be - your underwear

I wanna be the itch that you scratch; 
wanna be the chair when you relax; 
I got to be your razor when you shave; 
wanna be the one that makes ya misbehave...

I wanna be - your hot tub - when you're dippin'; 
I wanna be - your bathrobe - when you're drippin'; 
I wanna be - your cocktail baby - when you're sippin';

I just wanna be right there - more than anything I swear 
I wanna be - your underwear

Wanna be your sleepin' bag - baby slip inside; 
Let me be your motorcycle - n' take ya for a ride - alright 
I wanna be - your hot sauce - ya when you're cookin'; 
I wanna be - your sunglasses - hey good lookin'; 
I wanna be - wanna be the one - ya stick your hook in';

I just wanna be right there; 
more than anything I swear... 
Oh ya... 
I wanna be - your underwear


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## M44RT L (May 6, 2002)

This one written by Neil Young and sung by America...criminal!

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name 
It felt good to be out of the rain 
In the desert you can remember your name 
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain 
La, la ...

:-/


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## kingcutter (Aug 1, 2003)

someone left a cake out in the rain. :-/


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## misrule (May 6, 2002)

Hot off the toilet floor -- a selection of lyrics from Peter Andre's forthcoming song.

Take a look around
At what technology was found
Is it what we need
Or are we killing the seed
Dictated by the screen
No more following your dreams
The worldâ€™s becoming a difficult place to leave

Chorus
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
This is insania
Do do do do
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
This is insania

(Do do just about sums it up, I'm afraid Â )

Mark

(legal note: lyrics copyright Peter Andre, reproduced in part here for literary criticism only)


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## droopsnoot (Sep 5, 2002)

"I am a one in ten, even though I don't exist".

One in ten, UB40.


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