# Price enquiries.... FFS...



## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

Maybe im being a little harsh or maybe im missing the point..... but there seems to be an increase of folk asking for price enquiries of parts from Audi.

The aftermarket stuff is a few clicks of a mouse and alakazzam, prices and delivery.
Audi are pretty standard with their prices across the network and any price enquiry is only a phonecall away.

Id understand if its a 'what other bits do you recommend to get for the job while im in there' type of enquiry... But just pick up the bloody phone if you need prices and/or labour charges.... 
Audi dont charge for phone calls.... yet.

If i see another post asking for the price of a coil pack, im just going to reply "I dunno, a million pounds... maybe a billion... who fuckin knows???" and carry on with oiling my cormorant.

Thats all, cheers for now. Tataah.


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## SteviedTT (Apr 10, 2009)

Could you tell me how much the LCR splitter is likely to cost me then


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## Smeds (Oct 28, 2009)

Don't worry about the price of a coil pack, there's a recall on them.


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

SteviedTT said:


> Could you tell me how much the LCR splitter is likely to cost me then


I dunno, a million pounds... maybe a billion... who fuckin knows???

...now, where was i, ah yes..... linseed, paintbrush...... quaaaaack......


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## jamman (May 6, 2002)

Glad it's not just me it pisses off


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## Charlie (Dec 15, 2006)

I have noticed an increase as well and it puzzles me as surely it takes less effort to pick up the phone than it does to log on to a forum and post a question.

Charlie


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## Tangerine Knight (Jul 25, 2010)

how much do you charge to oil a cormorant ?


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

blackpoolfc said:


> how much do you charge to oil a cormorant ?


Thats a fiver minimum.
Ill wax a budgie for a pint and ive creosoted an african grey in the past, took an hour so i charged 15 quid.

Ill thank you to not repeat this delicate infomation.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

Charlie said:


> I have notcied an increase as well and it puzzles me as surely it takes less effort to pick up the phone than it does to log on to a forum and post a question.


You'd think so.

Part of the problem is that ETKA is shite and distinguishing part variants can be difficult. The other part of the problem is that a lot of dealers don't like using parts that aren't direct replacements.

The questions that piss me off most are:
"Where can I get parts?" Where do you THINK? How about the PARTS department of your Audi dealer? :roll: 
"How much?" See above!


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## Smeds (Oct 28, 2009)

No one is actually interested in how much it costs, what they're actually asking for is the cheapest place to buy it or the best place to buy it or a combo of the two. I bet there are many people on the forum that have saved a fortune by asking how much something will cost, when it would have just been easier to phone Audi and ask for their price.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

got a sparrow stuck in my front grille Ant......could you colour co-ordinate it with a silver roadster? and if so how much......but i want the eyes in 9005 gloss black or with red LED's instead m8 :lol: ok i'll get me coat


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

Gazzer said:


> got a sparrow stuck in my front grille Ant......could you colour co-ordinate it with a silver roadster? and if so how much......but i want the eyes in 9005 gloss black or with red LED's instead m8 :lol: ok i'll get me coat


Not a problem Gazzer my mate, ill do you this months 'special' which is the standard silver but with the candy-apple flip flop for a bag of sprouts, a mars bar and a copy of 'Ferret and Vole Weekly'.
The LED's will be thrown in FOC just because its you.

I think im on to something here....


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

off track so sozzzzzzzzz. had customer drop five spoke wheels of last night for blast and paint.........rang him this morn for colour code required. oh i dont know, i want silver but not too shiny!!! ok can you give me a code please? err no i just want silver but not to silvery or shiny. WTF........ ok sozz back on track on prices for dead ferrets covered in oatmeal and par boiled to make them soft to chew


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

This is a better thread than all the MK3 and spoiler ones 

I was wondering, would cormorant oil be ok to use on my pet shag or if not could you recommend a suitable one?


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

YoungOldUn said:


> This is a better thread than all the MK3 and spoiler ones
> 
> I was wondering, would cormorant oil be ok to use on my pet shag or if not could you recommend a suitable one?


Well the thread started out good but tailed off around tea time, finally ending up in nextdoors tree.

Id recommend Dr Zog's Sexwax for the shag. A very similar flightless specimen but its needs are very different.

Hope that helps.


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

antcole said:


> YoungOldUn said:
> 
> 
> > This is a better thread than all the MK3 and spoiler ones
> ...


This is fast becomining a follow up to the 'Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy'

Sat here with tears in my eyes :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

antcole said:


> blackpoolfc said:
> 
> 
> > how much do you charge to oil a cormorant ?
> ...


 :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

Dear Doctor TT, I want to put a new set of 18" alloy boots on my spaniel Rufus, will the clearance hight be sufficient, or will they rub the underbelly, has anyone else had this problem and if so how did you overcome it? Also I have noticed a nasty squeak, a gurgling sound and a bit of a yelp every time I pull on his handbreak, any ideas what may be causing this and how I can stop this from happening?


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

BrianR said:


> Dear Doctor TT, I want to put a new set of 18" alloy boots on my spaniel Rufus, will the clearance hight be sufficient, or will they rub the underbelly, has anyone else had this problem and if so how did you overcome it? Also I have noticed a nasty squeak, a gurgling sound and a bit of a yelp every time I pull on his handbreak, any ideas what may be causing this and how I can stop this from happening?


Spaniels tend to be difficult subjects when onto which affixing wheels becomes necessary. Id recommend tracks or even a handful of second-hand billiard table castors.
I had a similar predicament with an old Polynesian Dugong and that didnt end well at all, i can tell you.

If i were you, id use a length of 2x4 with a nail banged in the end for added purchase.

Regarding the handbrake, well its probably beyond its yield point and might snap at any moment, hence the squeaking and gurgling.
Use some soft soap and a lint free cloth to reduce the effect. Also a couple of potatoes cut into star shapes will add a wonderful background pattern for that real old rustic look.

Hope thats helped somewhat.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

Ruffus says woof and a big thanks from me :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Tangerine Knight (Jul 25, 2010)

my pet tomcat is trying to impress the she cat across the way

how much for a crack,sack and back for him and his claws sharpened


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

Ahhh love is in the air.... Thats more likely to cost around 12 quid as it requires an over-night stay.
Its the special "knee trembler to remember" package, real top drawer stuff.
Ill personally do the de-crack, de-back and de-sack myself, no probs. The claws should be de-burred given the swarovski two-pack back-scuttle enhancement procedure and ill even throw in a few Tom Jones records at no extra cost.

Talk about a bargain or what!


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## igotone (Mar 10, 2010)

PMSL. I'm shagged out reading this! :lol:


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## Tangerine Knight (Jul 25, 2010)

antcole said:


> Ahhh love is in the air.... Thats more likely to cost around 12 quid as it requires an over-night stay.
> Its the special "knee trembler to remember" package, real top drawer stuff.
> Ill personally do the de-crack, de-back and de-sack myself, no probs. The claws should be de-burred given the swarovski two-pack back-scuttle enhancement procedure and ill even throw in a few Tom Jones records at no extra cost.
> 
> Talk about a bargain or what!


 excellent i will get the big ginger fooker in

he also asked how much for pijasel nothing over the top mind


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

blackpoolfc said:


> .....he also asked how much for pijasel nothing over the top mind


Sadly, im not able to quote for that.... not now.... not ever.
Well thats what the judge dictated following the joint Farmers Union and International Human Rights tribunal....
It followed a rather unfortunate incident where my assistant let the Pejazzling turbine attain a destructive overspeed condition, resulting in what can only be described as three of the worlds largest disco balls being attached to himself, a Thompsons Gazelle and an Ostrich.
Tiffanys of London did eventually buy a 30% share in the Ostrich.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

ant.........you need to lay off the medication tabs bud as i think they are having an adverse effect to what should be happening. apart from that this is the best thread ever on any forum.........keep it up my owld poster


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

Haha! Well Gaz, i have no idea where it will end, but if it continues to raise a giggle then its all good!


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

ROFL :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Tangerine Knight (Jul 25, 2010)

ill get the cat booked in with you

ps my brother wants to know how much for brazilian on his alsation


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## antcole (Apr 4, 2009)

blackpoolfc said:


> ill get the cat booked in with you
> 
> ps my brother wants to know how much for brazilian on his alsation


Bit of a delay on the Brazillians at the mo..... Alessandro is currently under detention for visa irregularities and Carlos was badly mauled by one of the tigers last week.
Hes doing well, but the specialist reckons he'll never dance again.

I can offer a choice of three different styles of Peruvian for the same price or we have a retired Portuguese bee-keeper if thats any good.


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## Tangerine Knight (Jul 25, 2010)

i need to see some samples on that one

got a good price off gazzer for powder coating it but cant make my mind up


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

blackpoolfc said:


> i need to see some samples on that one
> 
> got a good price off gazzer for powder coating it but cant make my mind up


errr.....i dont powder coat them alive as they tend to scream a tad in a 180-200c oven for some reason!!! can you supply deceased if poss and if not will you pay the £35 per hour for daughter to ensure they are lol........evil cow at times

(horrible loud evil laughter.......) and an odd fart oops


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

Gazzer said:


> blackpoolfc said:
> 
> 
> > i need to see some samples on that one
> ...


 :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Gone (May 5, 2009)

I can understand why though.

"Hello, can you tell me the price of a Audi TT rear valance, V6/QS style, part number xxxxx?"

"That'll be £70 sir"

"what the fuck, it's a piece of moulded plastic. You're shitting me? What about a 3 bar front grille?"

"Well sir, that's £130 plus VAT"

"No fucking way. Really?"

"Hello, can you tell me the price of an anti-roll bar, from the Mk4 Golf R32, part number xxxxx?"

"That'll be £150 sir"

"What the fuck, it's a piece of metal with some paint and some bends in it. Does that price even include VAT? You're shitting me?"

"Hello, can you tell me the price of a set of brake discs and pads for a Mk 1 TT please?"

"Certainly sir, that'll be the best part of £400. Would you like to like to book it in?"

"Fuck that, I'll check on the forum just to see if you're shitting me"


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