# Marriage...dont do it !



## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after
the wedding laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I
want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect 
any hassle from you. I expect great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and 
card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you
give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. 
Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there'll be sex here at ten o'clock every
night......whether you're here or not."

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary. Â The husband yells, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'" Â Â Â 
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
breakfast Â table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you
are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone
after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took
you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late.....doing what?" he asked. "Getting a second
opinion!"

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go
to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants
to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at
the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six'?" His
wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!'"

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man
realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for
an early flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me
tomorrow morning at 5:00 am". The next morning the man
woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had
missed his flight. Â Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed.... it said ....It's 5.00am, wake up.


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## Guest (Feb 10, 2003)

now you tell me ! 8) 8)


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

> now you tell me ! Â 8) 8)


Fraid so , should be a warning on the certificate !


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## Guest (Feb 14, 2003)

Total :- That man sounded just like our mate Vlastan har har har ;D !!! *No offence Vlast hon*


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

Er..no young lady, your mate Vlastan !


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## Guest (Feb 14, 2003)

*giggle* LOL  my mate marmite hehehehehe lolol ;D


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## Guest (Feb 14, 2003)

This is really bad init ;D I must come across a real fruitcake must'nt I hehehehehe *giggle* this forum has made me totally loose it BIG TIME!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

Of course ...she's from Billericay ...

Ian Drury's favourite place..that explains it all, call an ambliance ! ;D


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## Guest (Feb 15, 2003)

Oi easy!!


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## PaulS (Jun 15, 2002)

Abi, are you for real  

You just never can tell on this Forum, everyone thought NickyB was a wind up, until we met her (& hubs) for real [smiley=gorgeous.gif]


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## TTotal (Aug 12, 2002)

Paul, its John the husband whos a wind up , he is really Abi ;D Ps Nicky is real alright ! [smiley=gorgeous.gif] [smiley=dude.gif] [smiley=bomb.gif] [smiley=crowngrin.gif] [smiley=jester.gif] [smiley=dizzy2.gif]


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