# Room 101 entry: irrational people



## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

Having seen scraps of that show "The Audience" where random people detached from a situation provide input, I thought I'd see what random people have to say about this Room 101 entry.

I've recently fallen out with a long term friend, or rather they've fallen out with me. What I didn't know is that he's been making mountains out of molehills for years and long after I thought any tidgy disagreement was resolved he's been holding grudges based on his "mountain" version of things. It seems I should have been treading softly the whole time so as to avoid the last little thing that would tip him over the edge.

It seems you simply can't reason with some people: I tried to get him to objectively compare the rare and petty things he seemed to be holding grudges about (not that he was prepared to answer simple questions like when and what he was referring to) with the times he had let me down to see if his mountains really were mountains or molehills after all. You know someone's lost the plot when they just use that as fuel for their grudge fire instead of actually thinking about whether they value their grudges more than being friends. It occurred to me that his responses never really advanced beyond his initial pram/toy ejection.

I guess there isn't much you can do about people who stew themselves up like that, and if they aren't even prepared to listen to a request for sensible thinking about their views, then you're wasting your time straight away. If someone's "friendship" involves them brewing things against you and just waiting for you step on the trigger, it probably didn't really count as a sincere friendship anymore anyway.

Irrational people.... ROOM 101!


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## WozzaTT (Jan 15, 2006)

Classic passive-aggressive. Very common in my experience!


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

We are all different; our life experiences make us so. You sound very logical Scooby and put a lot of store in facts and detail; your friend however sounds very different and places a similar amount of store in emotion and going with simply how things make him feel. Both ways of being are perfectly ok. From your perspective you are wondering what all the fuss is about; a few tiffs, differences in opinion etc - from his point of view he may be feeling that you don't care whether his feelings are. hurt or not, and why you dont notice this. I am guessing that over the years he may well have been giving you clues, which you may or may not have missed, or have dismissed as illiogical unimportance / irrelevance. The fact he hasn't broached it may mean he feared losing your friendship. It could also be that other things are happening in your friends life, which mean that even the smallest of issues, past and present, are polarised and cause pain as though they happened only yesterday. The phrase opposites attract is probably what made you friends in the first place mate. It could run much deeper than this though - unsure of your friends age but I am aware the mid-life issues are becoming more and more prevalent, happen younger and younger and so what you are experiencing with your friend may be just a small part of a bigger 'life' problem - is he experiencing relationship issues with others? Family friends? I guess if you want to resolve this then it may be worth trying to empathise with your friends predeicament - can you put your way of being to one side for a few minutes and try to step into his shoes and view things from his perspective and really try to understand ? This may give you a chance of understanding more (if that is what you want). Great if he can do the same also. I don't think your frend is passive aggressive, maybe just a tad pissed off and confused; as you appear to be also. Good luck with it mate.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Sounds like good advice Brian.

We are all too easily upset when we believe our nearest and dearest don't understand us and as you say, it is often just because we have different internal references: some of us live through their emotions, others live through their reasoning, and then others still use auditory or visual references. All of those four 'categories' see their environment, family, friends, work mates totally different. They process any 'input' differently so their 'output' to the world (friends etc) is of course very different as well.

Good boooks on personality types are 'Meyer Briggs Type indicators' or 'Type talk'. It helps understand people we interact with.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

A3DFU said:


> Sounds like good advice Brian


Hope it is useful Dani, onlyu Scooby can say and totally ok if it isn;t; we all have our own answers if we look hard enough


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

Thanks Brian, good thoughts. I'd say both ways of feeling are ok apart from when they result in unnecessary conflict. I would say I would guess that what he wanted was a "sorry" together with some ego massage, but this wasn't really viable. His first response was to terminate the friendship and he only maintained this position with requests to try and put things into perspective.



BrianR said:


> From your perspective you are wondering what all the fuss is about;


Yes I wonder that pretty much every time he flips out about some small remark or whatever. It's a crapshoot as to whether he'll take stuff in good humour or go spastic. If it wasn't for the fact that we've been friends since school, I'd really be thinking "fuck it" as I've dealt with enough unreasonable people.


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

I don't profess to be as clever as some of the folk who have given you what sounds like excellent advice but I have lived quite a while. It seems to me that perhaps this person you are referring to once was your friend but has now slipped into the 'acquaintance' group. The difference being that with a friend you could give them your wallet, diary, copy of all of your passwords and very personal possessions to look after knowing that they would never take a peek into those possessions or try to use them. Whereas you would never trust an acquaintance with those things but could share with them non personal possessions and information.

It may just be the time to acknowledge that a friendship has been lost (or was never truly there).

Just giving an alternative viewpoint.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

> ScoobyTT said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks Brian, good thoughts. I'd say both ways of feeling are ok apart from when they result in unnecessary conflict.
> ...


Its really sad given how long you have been mates and I can see why you have persisted for so long and why now you are probably at a loss about what to do next, and like I said earlier, dealing with unreasonable people is very hard work. I can't tell you what to do mate, noone can, but I believe you know what the best course of action is and that will come to you eventually. I guess maybe the basis is to let your mate know that when and if he feels differently, you will be there to talk.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

YoungOldUn said:


> I don't profess to be as clever as some of the folk who have given you what sounds like excellent advice but I have lived quite a while. It seems to me that perhaps this person you are referring to once was your friend but has now slipped into the 'acquaintance' group. The difference being that with a friend you could give them your wallet, diary, copy of all of your passwords and very personal possessions to look after knowing that they would never take a peek into those possessions or try to use them. Whereas you would never trust an acquaintance with those things but could share with them non personal possessions and information.
> 
> It may just be the time to acknowledge that a friendship has been lost (or was never truly there).
> 
> Just giving an alternative viewpoint.


Mate, I for one think you are incredibly clever and this could be about a myriad of things, including everything you have said.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

YoungOldUn said:


> It seems to me that perhaps this person you are referring to once was your friend but has now slipped into the 'acquaintance' group...


Probably. Whilst he has been good at times in recent years the key thing for me has been that it has increasingly felt like I only get a call or an invite when it's convenient for him. If I'd try and arrange anything with him there'd always be wooliness as to whether his diary was occupied or not. Obvious conclusion: if you don't know if you're going to be busy, then you ain't busy! Wait until closer to the time, say a week in advance and then it's "oh I'm busy". I'd get a call (or more usually a text) more often than not the very same day if he wanted to do something.



YoungOldUn said:


> It may just be the time to acknowledge that a friendship has been lost (or was never truly there).


His refusal to even listen to what I have to say suggests the former, and I've given the latter a lot of thought recently too. I have to think back a long long way before I reach a time where the above diary-based woolliness wasn't there.



BrianR said:


> > It's a crapshoot as to whether he'll take stuff in good humour or go spastic...
> 
> 
> Feels like walking on a tightrope Scooby


Indeed! And worse when you don't know that the guy's been holding a pair of cutters for however long. Ironic that one part of his initial rant was that he's fed up with trying not to offend me. Again I couldn't think what he might be on about and no examples were forthcoming when asked. It smacked of projection to me in combination with everything else.



BrianR said:


> Or maybe already has some major problems that he isn't talking about (and feels like you are picking up on the mixed messages mate). In over 1000 hours of counselling I have indertaken, the presenting problem has never once been the real issue...


I'm not even aware of any major problems in his life so far. He's always got a safety net, always got people ready with the "there theres". For some unknown reason, people seem to bend over backwards to help him even with silly things. Any big stuff in my life and I get "you need to do this..." from him rather than any pro-active help. I figure I'm either credited with being able to do stuff, or he doesn't know how to help, or just doesn't want to. I've also picked up an undercurrent of comparison to an old friend of his that he dispensed with when it reached a point where that person just wasn't fun any more.



BrianR said:


> > ...just end up thinking "sorry, how old are you again?"
> 
> 
> Yes I get a sense of that Scooby otherwise we wouldn't be even talking about it mate. It really is hard work when in such situations over and over.


Yeah, but they really don't happen that often, on avarage less than once a year, which is why it's never been a grudge-worthy thing for me that's worth affecting the friendship - notwithingstanding the above question as to whether it even counted as that any more... :?



BrianR said:


> Maybe he doesn't know why he isn't happy, and pushes the boundaries of those around him as a result. I get a sense that he wants / needs to be seen. I wonder if he has had much praise in his life.


Well he's certainly a bit of a mummy's boy, but I don't know about the praise angle. Wanting to be seen - possibly right as I do get a sense of the need for approval from others. He relayed a story to me of when he was at some function wearing a nice watch and people were complimenting him on it. This was when he was - guess what - wanting to buy an expensive watch like one of his other friends.



BrianR said:


> Looking in the wrong places for fulfillment; when we have a void it is human to try and fill that, and common for people to fill it with all of the wrong things; disatisfaction and unhappiness results.


Yes, and being pissed off I've nearly treated myself something. Then I remember that (a) novelty wears off and (b) you can't buy happiness. I think if I had the financial ease and safety net of this guy my general happiness would be higher as he has more freedom to enjoy things than I do. More comfort -> more base happiness. Not so it seems in some cases...



BrianR said:


> Sounds like my kids when they were younger, after a telling off. 'Come down from your room' - met with a firm 'no', or sulking. Maybe he felt pounished and now he is trying to punish back.


Well it must be working because I'm pretty pissed off with the whole thing [smiley=bomb.gif] Do I wnat to be dealing with a child? No, not really.



BrianR said:


> Its really sad given how long you have been mates and I can see why you have persisted for so long and why now you are probably at a loss about what to do next, and like I said earlier, dealing with unreasonable people is very hard work. I can't tell you what to do mate, noone can, but I believe you know what the best course of action is and that will come to you eventually. I guess maybe the basis is to let your mate know that when and if he feels differently, you will be there to talk.


Well I left him for a couple of months to calm down, and he just took the suggestion to think about his own actions as having more of a go at him. Short of admitting all fault, which would be like admitting responsbility for his choices to be a big jesse and joining the mollycoddling brigade - and I'm not going to do that. Even if he accepted the apology it seems to me that it'd probably only work "until the next time" I make some observation he fails to take with good sense.

YoungOldUn may also be right.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

> Even if he accepted the apology it seems to me that it'd probably only work "until the next time" I make some observation he fails to take with good sense.


That sounds like the basis and opening of an authentic conversation . It appears that loads is being though / felt but unspoken; I wonder what theoutcome would be if you said everything you have said here directly to him? Giving him the opportuntiy to be as forthright with you. Clearing the elephant in the room?


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

YoungOldUn said:


> with a friend you could give them your wallet, diary, copy of all of your passwords and very personal possessions to look after knowing that they would never take a peek into those possessions or try to use them. Whereas you would never trust an acquaintance with those things but could share with them non personal possessions and information.


This is soooo true Jim!!

When I was (much) younger I was 'proud' of having many 'friends' who weren't friends at all but acquaintances. Since I'm older I am very happy to have "only" six close friends of whom two are my sons and another is my sister. I trust all of my close friends 100% and they trust me in the same way. 
I had a hugh purge about five years ago, where I realized that acquaintances are just that: acquaintances.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

BrianR said:


> That sounds like the basis and opening of an authentic conversation . It appears that loads is being though / felt but unspoken; I wonder what theoutcome would be if you said everything you have said here directly to him? Giving him the opportuntiy to be as forthright with you. Clearing the elephant in the room?


I've said pretty much all of that and a lot more. From my perspective I've already tried that and he completley missed the point, prefering instead fo keep the temperature on his melodrama stew going full pack. I did retry with some different angles, with the same "I/you always", "I/you never" responses and games "you won't miss me" (an obvious prompt for the recipient to leap in and say "YES I WILL!" to give him what he wants. I wasn't playing :evil: The quality of his argument didn't really advance beyond that as far as I'm concerned which told me that I was wasting my time as he seemed determined to make a dog's breakfast of any input he was given whether by intent or rank irrationality. :lol:


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## kapows (Oct 1, 2012)

Do we really need friends?
Everyone i know are just people i know. They know me.
I dont know if you can call them friends. Everyones definition is different aint it?
The most contact i will keep with people are those in my closest vicinity.
I have an inability to keep in touch with people who are distant from me (Geographically)
I cant be bothered texting or ringing people.
If they need my help im more than happy to help out and vice versa.
Im capable, happy and get on with people.

Ok Room 101 - Mate, leave the guy alone for some time and get on with your life. Maybe the best you can do for him is buy him a self help book.


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

A3DFU said:


> YoungOldUn said:
> 
> 
> > with a friend you could give them your wallet, diary, copy of all of your passwords and very personal possessions to look after knowing that they would never take a peek into those possessions or try to use them. Whereas you would never trust an acquaintance with those things but could share with them non personal possessions and information.
> ...


I'm totally with you on this one!!

Sadly there seems to come a point when friends no longer are - and thats the time to let go.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

SalsredTT said:


> A3DFU said:
> 
> 
> > YoungOldUn said:
> ...


To be honest Sal, I think it's good to let go as letting go leads to freedom 

Oh, and perhaps I should have mentioned that my close friend No. four is on the TTF and we're only friends since five/six years but it has turned out a good friendship. So even being an old fogie it's still possible to find, new, close friends 

Scooby, I'm wondering ,,,, and only you will know whether or not this may be true ,,,,,

The way you describe your (ex-)friend and his behaviour it sounds as if he had most, if not all, things he wished for. Wishing for things leads to hope to eventually get them. Hope in its right form is a positive feeling and leads to contentment and happiness through positive anticipation.
If your friend had all his wishes and hopes fulfilled, then there is nothing for him to look forward to and appreciate. This would lead to depression as he may perceive that life has nothing more to offer.

Could it be that your friend is depressed in which case he may need help?


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

SalsredTT said:


> Sadly there seems to come a point when friends no longer are - and thats the time to let go.


Well that's true enough. And if they're adamant attitude closes the door then you don't really have much choice. Oh well. 



kapows said:


> Do we really need friends?
> Everyone i know are just people i know. They know me.
> I dont know if you can call them friends. Everyones definition is different aint it?


It is. I'd like to think a friend is somone you can rely on to give a crap beyond basic human kindness, someone pro-actively kind and who you could trust things to - like the examples given above. Do we need friends? Well if you don't have anyone you can rely on you're left with acquaintances who may not be reliable.



kapows said:


> Ok Room 101 - Mate, leave the guy alone for some time and get on with your life. Maybe the best you can do for him is buy him a self help book.


That would go down well... Amazon delivery, gift wrapped :lol:


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

A3DFU said:


> The way you describe your (ex-)friend and his behaviour it sounds as if he had most, if not all, things he wished for. ....If your friend had all his wishes and hopes fulfilled, then there is nothing for him to look forward to and appreciate. This would lead to depression as he may perceive that life has nothing more to offer. Could it be that your friend is depressed in which case he may need help?


He could be, but it's difficult to know for sure.


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

You're very active on this thread Scoob...

...a bit of a sensitive sausage inside that apparently thickened skin. It's good to see and an interesting thread. 

Brian has said some particularly relevant things that I shall learn from too.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

rustyintegrale said:


> ...a bit of a sensitive sausage inside that apparently thickened skin. It's good to see


Yes, I was thinking this too! Very good to see


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

i have never seen scoob bare his soul in any way shape or form on here, and was expecting a jokey post tbh. i have many equantancies in life but have only ever had one true friend who was more like a father figure, and he died of pancreatic cancer just over ten years ago. he was the only man that could tell me off and call me a pratt and i would lidten to him and learn. so to lose a good friend who it appears somewhat has the silver spoon treatment in life maybe isn't such a bad thing scoob.


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## SalsredTT (Jan 8, 2011)

Totally agree again with you Dani

My personal life circumstances changed dramatically five years ago - and suddenly I realised who was a true friend and who wasn't. I had a bit of a clear out (for want of a better turn of phase) at that time, and oddly enough one so called friend who had disappared without trace reappeared this weekend. The reason she reappeared? I posted some free furniture on Freegle and suddenly she appeared out of the woodwork ......... my daughter had actually posted this stuff and she was disgusted .... comments like 'she couldn't be arsed with you five years ago Mom when you needed her' etc etc. I'd tried to hang on to the friendship at the time, but by her actions, let go in the end as it was clearly not what she wanted. It hurt me at the time - I had considered her a close and dear friend - and to be honest, I spent a lot of that time pretty lonely. I'm over all that now, but I'm not about to pick up this relationship now that it suits her - and the same applies to a few other 'friends' who when I became single, didn't like it (for whatever reasons of their own)

I now have about three very close female friends - and thats the way I am happy. I don't see a lot of any of them (loadsa contact via email etc but we all have busy lives) but this works for me now and I trust all of them with anything. The sad thing is, when I look back, I realise that first 'friend' was actually using me when it suited her.

Sorry - burbling on Scoob - but its true - sometimes friendship runs its course and however sad it may be, its time to move on. Its almost like a falling out of love which is sad, but hey - life sucks sometimes, but you have to do what is right for you.

Good luck


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

> I've said pretty much all of that and a lot more. From my perspective I've already tried that and he completley missed the point, prefering instead fo keep the temperature on his melodrama stew going full pack. I did retry with some different angles, with the same "I/you always", "I/you never" responses and games "you won't miss me" (an obvious prompt for the recipient to leap in and say "YES I WILL!" to give him what he wants. I wasn't playing :evil: The quality of his argument didn't really advance beyond that as far as I'm concerned which told me that I was wasting my time as he seemed determined to make a dog's breakfast of any input he was given whether by intent or rank irrationality. :lol


On a basis of elimination it feels like you may get closer to the answer and that may indeed be to do 'nothing' further (as suggested by one of the other posters). In the very least I am hoping that having th opportunity to bang it around out loud, may have been the catalyst for some clarity on what to do next. Like I have said, noone can tell you what to do Scoob (because that would be their solution and invariably may only work for them). It feels like you do want to work this out, because for all its difficulties your friend has been your friend nearly all of your life (and so it must have been good at one point). Maybe it can't be that way again, too much water under the bridge, but by the same token maybe it can be better than it has ever been as a result of what you are both experiecing. One things is for sure, regardkess of how irrational your mate is, you cant change that, but you can change what you choose to do in relation to that.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

BrianR said:


> One things is for sure, regardkess of how irrational your mate is, you cant change that, but you can change what you choose to do in relation to that.


Which is what the fathers of NLP Richard Bandler and John Grinder teach us: "The person with the greatest flexibility controlls the system".
Or put differently (also by Bandler&Grinder):
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got". Or: change your approach and the result will be a different one.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

'Which is what, NLP, Richard Bandler and John Grinder teach us: "the system with the greatest flexibility gets the result"'

Trouble is that people invariably judge from their own frame of reference (their way of being) - their frame of reference has generally been constructed by the conditions of worth placed upon them throughout the course of their lives (these are the rules we have to abide by to fit into the world we inhabit, e.g be a good boy, dont cry, dont steal, dont argue, dont shout, work hard, be polite, please, thank you etc etc), these eventually become our values and we hold on to them tightly because they are a fundamental aspect of who we are. So invariably we end up judging people by the standards of people way back in our family tree and compare their reaction to what our own reaction would be (if it differs then friction can be a result). Very difficult to put to one side who we are, empathise with others and see the other side as it is experienced by the other person , but that is generally where the development and solution exists. Seems like you have a real interest in Psychology (I am not a big fan of NLP to be honest, most of the theory has been taken from other theoretical models, including the brilliant quote you mentioned), if you are interested, I would suggest reading some of the Person Centred work by Dave Mearns; brilliant stuff.


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## Spandex (Feb 20, 2009)

BrianR said:


> I am not a big fan of NLP to be honest, most of the theory has been taken from other theoretical models, including the brilliant quote you mentioned


That seems to be a common feeling amongst working psychologists - three of my closest friends are psychologists and I've heard them all mention similar things about NLP.

Psychology is a fascinating subject and I take any opportunity to talk about it with my friends (probably not their idea of a fun conversation, when they have to deal with it every day), but the general impression I get is that people are different enough that if you come up with a theory that's supposed to work for the majority, it's probably wrong.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

> Psychology is a fascinating subject and I take any opportunity to talk about it with my friends (probably not their idea of a fun conversation, when they have to deal with it every day), but the general impression I get is that people are different enough that if you come up with a theory that's supposed to work for the majority, it's probably wrong.


[/quote]

Bob on. We are all individuals and all any psychologist / counsellor can do, is to create an environment, a set of circumstances, that allow the other person to maximise their chances of achieving what they want to achive. There is no one truth, as much as it would be nice if there was. Who would I be to tell Scooby what to do? F#ck me he has known this guy all of his life, noone knows better than Scooby does what to do  And what ever that is will be right for Scooby


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

BrianR said:


> There is no one truth, as much as it would be nice if there was.


Spot on Brian



BrianR said:


> Scooby has known this guy all of his life, noone knows better than Scooby does what to do  And what ever that is will be right for Scooby


Again, spot on Brian


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

A3DFU said:


> BrianR said:
> 
> 
> > One things is for sure, regardkess of how irrational your mate is, you cant change that, but you can change what you choose to do in relation to that.
> ...


All of those statements sum it up for me. It's about looking at a problem with fresh eyes and from a different viewpoint. You have a goal Scoob, this is about the route you take to get there.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

BrianR said:


> So invariably we end up judging people by the standards of people way back in our family tree and compare their reaction to what our own reaction would be (if it differs then friction can be a result). Very difficult to put to one side who we are


That would be non-flexible wouldn't you agree?



BrianR said:


> empathise with others and see the other side as it is experienced by the other person , but that is generally where the development and solution exists.


And that would be being flexible.

My interest in psychology comes through my business as I have three legs to stand on :wink: 
It would be very interesting to talk to you, Brian


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

> A3DFU said:
> 
> 
> > BrianR said:
> ...


You too A3. Start a new job next Monday, but will be knocking around this place from time to time as usual


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

Good luck with your new job Brian


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

A3DFU said:


> Good luck with your new job Brian


Thanks Mate - can't wait to start. Out of work for 3 months and hated every day of that


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

BrianR said:


> A3DFU said:
> 
> 
> > Good luck with your new job Brian
> ...


You want help; you could have loved your time off work and perhaps enjoyed some creative tasks :wink:


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

A3DFU said:


> BrianR said:
> 
> 
> > A3DFU said:
> ...


Trying to find a job is a full time task thats for sure. Need to get back to work to take a rest :lol:


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## YoungOldUn (Apr 12, 2011)

Scooby, did you ever come to a solution over this?


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

Nope.


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## R6B TT (Feb 25, 2003)

Sounds like a tricky one Scoob. Some good advice offered though especially by BrianR and Dani. I can speak from some personal experience, having suffered with Clinical Depression for over 10 years. I'm only just off Anti-Depressants since June this year having been on for all bar 6 months or so since 2001 ish.

If your friend is suffering from depression (and he could be but may not be aware what the problem is - I knew something was wrong but didn't know what for a long time, until I went to the GP who was not terribly helpful first off, but then I found a different GP who was and is still wonderful), then a supportive friend is a really useful thing to have. 
I was fortunate to have some good friends around, several from here, Mark Leavy just to mention one who took the trouble to come down and visit one evening when I was in a pretty bad way.

There are lots of books around, one which may prove pertinent is called Transactional Analysis - A new Approach. Can't remember who wrote it but I'll dig it out. It gave me a whole different view, and helped me understand some of the conditioned responses. Another one I found very helpful was 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle.

I hope you do sort things out, its obviously bugging you.


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## ScoobyTT (Aug 24, 2009)

Thanks R6B. Interesting you mention TA, as it's a recent source of interest but am juggling other stuff so don't have time to read at the moment. I'll add it to the reading list though I think.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

R6B TT said:


> There are lots of books around, one which may prove pertinent is called Transactional Analysis - A new Approach. Can't remember who wrote it but I'll dig it out. It gave me a whole different view, and helped me understand some of the conditioned responses. Another one I found very helpful was 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle.


Eckhart Tolle wrote many excellent book including the one you mention, Rob. The TA book I have is excellent reading too!










ps, well done for having come off anti depressants at long last


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## R6B TT (Feb 25, 2003)

Dani, it wasn't easy - I was very flippy for a couple of months, tears one minute, ok the next, anger. I'm not sure but am sticking with it. I am still vulnerable, and random attacks out of nowhere don't help.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

R6B TT said:


> random attacks out of nowhere don't help.


Rob, they never do, do they?

As I said to you some time ago, please give me a shout if you feel you want to; you know that I do complementary therapies as well as personal training!


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

R6B TT said:


> Dani, it wasn't easy - I was very flippy for a couple of months, tears one minute, ok the next, anger. I'm not sure but am sticking with it. I am still vulnerable, and random attacks out of nowhere don't help.


My god you really are a 'woe is me' character aren't you?

You have my every sympathy if you're ill, but I suspect you're just feeling sorry for yourself and wanting attention.

It's your way Rob.

Sorry but I don't wear any of this from you. You're far too willing to seek comfort about private issues on a public forum rather than deal with them yourself. You have a history of it.


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## R6B TT (Feb 25, 2003)

I responded to Dani's reply Rich, she knows a lot more about me than you do, as I think I met you twice the last time around 8 years or so ago.

I hope your new business ventures are running well.


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

> You have my every sympathy if you're ill, but I suspect you're just feeling sorry for yourself and wanting attention.
> It's your way Rob. Sorry but I don't wear any of this from you. You're far too willing to seek comfort about private issues on a public forum rather than deal with them yourself. You have a history of it.


[/quote]

Wow, I guess because you say it,then that must be right and true then Rich? What ever happened to the milk of human kindness mate ? I guess by bringing ones own stuff to a public forum, then that could be deemed as doing something about it. Every time someone posts something here, they could be deemed as seeking attention couldn't they (generally they are looking for comment or response)? Some of us post much more than others :lol: Have a good Sunday mate.


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

R6B TT said:


> I responded to Dani's reply Rich, she knows a lot more about me than you do, as I think I met you twice the last time around 8 years or so ago.
> 
> I hope your new business ventures are running well.


Thank you for the good wishes Rob. You're correct, we met twice - the last time 8 years ago.

However that hasn't stopped you coming to entirely the wrong conclusions about me has it? Just because we disagreed over so many things, that doesn't give you the right to make derogatory and inflammatory remarks about me on Facebook does it? I was notified of those by another friend who was horrified at what he'd read...

But like you say, it's been 8 years. Let's take this opportunity to draw a line under it all. I do genuinely hope you can overcome your issues. I know you've had a tough few years and without going into detail, I too have had similar problems.

I'd recommend counselling Rob. You can get it privately or do as I did and ask for a referral from your GP. It certainly beats popping pills and teaches you how to get to the bottom of things and learn how to deal with them.

Good luck and as far as I'm concerned, the line is now drawn. I hope you feel happy to do the same.

Cheers

Rich


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

BrianR said:


> Wow, I guess because you say it,then that must be right and true then Rich? What ever happened to the milk of human kindness mate ? I guess by bringing ones own stuff to a public forum, then that could be deemed as doing something about it. Every time someone posts something here, they could be deemed as seeking attention couldn't they (generally they are looking for comment or response)? Some of us post much more than others :lol: Have a good Sunday mate.


Brian you're right. We go back a long way but hopefully we can now see the error of our ways and take positive benefit from past negativity.

Normal service is now restored.


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## Gazzer (Jun 12, 2010)

Sat in deckchair with bowl of popcorn watching closely


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## BrianR (Oct 12, 2011)

> Normal service is now restored.


[/quote]

Great stuff Rich


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

R6B TT said:


> random attacks out of nowhere don't help.





rustyintegrale said:


> My god you really are a 'woe is me' character aren't you?
> 
> You have my every sympathy if you're ill, but I suspect you're just feeling sorry for yourself and wanting attention.
> 
> ...


Hm, there's one already Rob :?

Richard, i don't think your comments are very helpful now.
[shakes head in disbelief ]


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

A3DFU said:


> Richard, i don't think your comments are very helpful now.
> [shakes head in disbelief ]


Dani, perhaps you may have done well to read to the end of the thread before replying. I have already attempted to make peace with Rob.

Life is too short for this stuff.


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## A3DFU (May 7, 2002)

rustyintegrale said:


> Life is too short for this stuff.


Then why antagonise in the first place


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## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

A3DFU said:


> rustyintegrale said:
> 
> 
> > Life is too short for this stuff.
> ...


Dani, with all respect, you have no idea what went on. If you want to rub salt, fine. But I don't. I'm sure Rob doesn't either.


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