# Crap drivers in Chelsesa tractors



## andyc83 (Jun 19, 2007)

Why the fuck would you get a huge 4x4 if you are too stupid to judge the width of your car?! This morning, I got cut up by two of these fuckers - a Porsche Cayenne and a BMW X5 - within about 20 minutes of each other.

In both instances, they refused to move over, slow down or stop when trying to pass me on a narrow country lane...forcing me to "dive" to my left. Which I think is the instinctive reaction as it's always better to protect the bodywork.

Result - a fairly badly kurbed near-side front alloy. In two places. 5 days, yes, 5 fucking days since I took delivery of the car! I knew these things would happen, but I'm really gutted that it was down to some inconsiderate cnuts who can't drive.

In both instances, the tractor was driven by a mum with a child in the front seat - young enough to need a booster seat but neither had them fitted...the kid could barely be seen. Fucking retards, the lot of them. Next time, I'll let them hit me, and get the police involved...no child seat is an offence now, isn't it? :evil:

Just what is wrong with a fucking Golf or Polo for the school run?! Fuck it - get an A3 or a 1-series if you want to be pretentious. When will these cnuts learn...


----------



## Janitor (Jul 2, 2007)




----------



## StuTTer (Oct 13, 2007)

You are spot on. A lot of these drivers could barely handle a scooter let alone something tank-sized. I love that one of the excuses given for buying the offending article is to save little Tristan in the event of a crash, even though they hadn't even bothered to strap him in!

4x4s are plain anti-social. They block other drivers views just to improve theirs. The don't comfortably fit in UK parking spaces which might explain why door dings from opening car doors are more prevalent now.

P.S. Sorry to hear about your Turbines.


----------



## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Jeezus I can relate to this.

If I'm at the gym around 9am the car park fills up with boob-jobbed yummy mummys and their designer clutter. At half-term it's even worse because you get their little sacks of shit running around in clearly marked 'adult only' areas whilst Stephanie and Yvette continue their comparisons of upcoming holidays in Whistler or St Moritz...

And now the fucking council have got in on the act.

Because these rich bitches have to bring Tarquin and Meredith to town whenever they need a manicure, the council have decreed that the only available spaces which guarantee your car won't get dinged, are now only available to the poor little princesses who can't get their offspring out of their X5s and Cayennes because of the 'confined' space.

What a bloody joke. These monstrosities should be taxed out of town centres and charged appropriately for clogging up the rest of our roads.

Cheers

Rich


----------



## andyc83 (Jun 19, 2007)

The Turbines should be fine - the damage is not deep, just long (almost half the rim but not continuous), so it should be fairly easy to get it fixed by Wicked Wheels or Dented Pride (or similar) for less than 50 quid.

The question is, should I bother?! I live in Surrey, home of the Chelsea tractor, and my commute route (and time) in the morning invaribly coincide with retards taking their bastard children to school. It'll just happen again a few weeks later. Alloys can only be repaired so many times, right?

I really don't know what the hurry is though - maybe they want to get rid of the kids as quickly as possible so they can go home and fuck the poolboy/postman?!


----------



## YELLOW_TT (Feb 25, 2004)

andyc83 said:


> Why the fuck would you get a huge 4x4


You could have stopped this post right there for me they are a bloody danger to other road users and 90% of them never see a field never mind any real off roading 
As for the Porsche Cayenne defo mew of the ugliest cars ever made for people with more money than taste


----------



## cuTTsy (Jan 31, 2003)

andyc83 said:


> Fuck it - get an A3 or a 1-series if you want to be pretentious.


 :?:

Not sure what you mean here, are you saying 1 series BMW drivers and A3 Drivers are pretentious?


----------



## andyc83 (Jun 19, 2007)

cuTTsy said:


> andyc83 said:
> 
> 
> > Fuck it - get an A3 or a 1-series if you want to be pretentious.
> ...


Nope, Audi and BMWs are "premium brands". Retards who drive Porsche Cayennes tend to have self-image problems and are, invariably pretentious (not to mention tasteless)...in an attempt to compensate and make themselves look better than us mere plebs.

The A3 and 1-series are just my examples of how they can satisfy their own self-worthlessness by buying a "premium brand" *small* (sensibly-sized) car for school runs.


----------



## cuTTsy (Jan 31, 2003)

andyc83 said:


> cuTTsy said:
> 
> 
> > andyc83 said:
> ...


Ahh now I get you...

The only thing I would say is that in our first week (this week  ) with our new born our A3 sportback already seems too small. However a big 4X4 would be over the top...


----------



## HighTT (Feb 14, 2004)

One of the grass verged country lanes into our village is too narrow for two cars to pass and what usually happens is that both cars compromise
by putting their N/S wheels onto the grass as they slowly pass each other;
if I see a 4x4 coming the other way I just stop completely on the tarmac and make the 4x4 get off road :lol: .


----------



## FinFerNan (Feb 28, 2007)

Andy

OMG - it's the sheer arrogance of these fuckwitted tramps that piss me off. Must be a nightmare in the local Waitrose Car Park!

My mates' brother-in-law bought a Range Rover Sport. You should have seen his face when I asked him (in front of all his mates) if he got a dick extension to :lol: :lol:

Shames me to say it though - it's the Q7 that takes the "I have the smallest penis in the world" title.


----------



## LakesTTer (Jan 19, 2005)

I'm in the 4x4 camp, since I've recently bought an L200 Warrior for work. I must agree that most people driving them have no concept of how much bigger the vehicle is. Mine is no wider than the TT, if anything the TT looks wider, but, with the crewcab and pickup part, it's considerably longer and, of course alot higher.
I learned to drive a 60 tonne Chieftain Tank long before I went anywhere near a car, so I like to think my position in the road is pretty good. Plus, living in a rural area, alot of people own 4x4's, so we're all relatively polite to each other.
I agree that 4x4's should be taxed off the road in some cases. People round here need them for work, but I see no point in the pretentious types having one for the school run, maybe it could be worked out by post code? Oh, and as it's the flame room. If you own a 4x4 but never actually off road in it, then you are a twat :evil:


----------



## andyc83 (Jun 19, 2007)

I think the only off-roading a Porsche Cayenne would ever see in its lifetime is the edge of a rugdy pitch, for little Timmy's appearance for the Slough Comprehensive (aka Eton College) 5th team's match against a superior school. Like Harrow.


----------



## Molehall (Jan 8, 2003)

I feel sorry for the Chelsea Tractor owner. By definition they must suffer from one or more of the following:

1. Small manhood size (if male)
2. Husband's small manhood size (if female)
3. Poor self-image (needs to be bolstered by having a BIG car)
4. Poor spatial skills
5. Over-reliance on material possessions to provide happiness


----------



## TTCool (Feb 7, 2005)

Having experienced the arrogance and bullying tactics of my local BMW, Range Rover, Volvo, Audi and Porsche off road derivatives, I take pleasure in taunting them with my TT's handling and acceleration through corners. It works every time..they fume :lol:

Joe

PS Other makes of off roaders don't seem to have that problem  Could it be that having spent a shed load of money on the expensive makes, they just can't live with the fact that the big engine is of no consequence to a TT


----------



## garvin (May 7, 2002)

Well I've got a big fuck-off 4x4 Range Rover - a full-on gas guzzling 4.6 litre electric everything version and I do detect a not insignificant amount of envy in some of these posts for us lavish Chelsea Tractor owners. Mind you, I do live in the sticks and the TT (and the wife's MX-5) just won't fit the family in for high days and holidays or transport the lads around their week-end sporting activities ............ and, frankly, I refuse to be seen dead in any so called people carrier ............ even if it did immediately transform my obviously wizzen dick to porno stud dimensions!!

By the way - the answer to why us planet killing 4x4 owners drive like complete cnuts is ............................... because we can hahahahahaha


----------



## Molehall (Jan 8, 2003)

garvin said:


> Well I've got a big fuck-off 4x4 Range Rover - a full-on gas guzzling 4.6 litre electric everything version and I do detect a not insignificant amount of envy in some of these posts for us lavish Chelsea Tractor owners. Mind you, I do live in the sticks and the TT (and the wife's MX-5) just won't fit the family in for high days and holidays or transport the lads around their week-end sporting activities ............ and, frankly, I refuse to be seen dead in any so called people carrier ............ even if it did immediately transform my obviously wizzen dick to porno stud dimensions!!
> 
> By the way - the answer to why us planet killing 4x4 owners drive like complete cnuts is ............................... because we can hahahahahaha


Big ego, but not a great deal of substance. 
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## garvin (May 7, 2002)

Molehall said:


> garvin said:
> 
> 
> > Well I've got a big fuck-off 4x4 Range Rover - a full-on gas guzzling 4.6 litre electric everything version and I do detect a not insignificant amount of envy in some of these posts for us lavish Chelsea Tractor owners. Mind you, I do live in the sticks and the TT (and the wife's MX-5) just won't fit the family in for high days and holidays or transport the lads around their week-end sporting activities ............ and, frankly, I refuse to be seen dead in any so called people carrier ............ even if it did immediately transform my obviously wizzen dick to porno stud dimensions!!
> ...


Big ......... big .......... doesn't come anywhere near describing my amazingly huge, nay, supersized ego. It's a problem of course cos the larger my ego gets the more my manhood recedes. As for substance - of course there is no substance ........ by your amazingly objective criteria I'm a member of the chinless wonder brigade .......... substance - you members of the proletariat reserve that sort of bollocks all for yourself. Now, out of my way or you'll get your pathetically small vehicle stuck in my tyre tread :lol:


----------



## jampott (Sep 6, 2003)

Nowt wrong with my V8 RRS either... :lol:

Its diesel, so its good for the planet. Carbon offset at source by Land Rover too, so stick that to the fucking hippies.

I'm perfectly adequately endowed, and have a pretty good self-image too. Nothing wrong with my spatial skills, although I do find that buying shiny things makes me happy.

The RRS is a comfortable drive, and a good proposition, as the boot is pretty cavernous (3 dogs now) and the back seats offer good leg room for family members.

Nothing wrong with buying and owning a fuck-off big 4x4. If you have the means, I heartily recommend it.


----------



## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Well you lot in your nancy BMWs, Porsches and Wange Wovers can fuck off 

I've just ordered a 6.6 litre Hummer. 

Munch tarmac motherfuckers :lol:

cheers

rich


----------



## garvin (May 7, 2002)

rustyintegrale said:


> Well you lot in your nancy BMWs, Porsches and Wange Wovers can fuck off
> 
> I've just ordered a 6.6 litre Hummer.
> 
> ...


We are not worthy .............. we are not worthy ............ but, my good man, according to the owner/driver criteria so accurately and objectively listed in previous posts, your todger must be nigh on invisible with that mother of all fuck-off vehicles :wink:


----------



## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

garvin said:


> rustyintegrale said:
> 
> 
> > Well you lot in your nancy BMWs, Porsches and Wange Wovers can fuck off
> ...


Only invisible because it's jammed up my arse... :lol:


----------



## Molehall (Jan 8, 2003)

garvin said:


> Molehall said:
> 
> 
> > garvin said:
> ...


Aping the upper classes doesn't confer membership. 
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

PS Incidentally you've got it all wrong, because they don't behave like that anyway.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## Molehall (Jan 8, 2003)

garvin said:


> Well I've got a big fuck-off 4x4 Range Rover - a full-on gas guzzling 4.6 litre electric everything version and I do detect a not insignificant amount of envy in some of these posts for us lavish Chelsea Tractor owners. Mind you, I do live in the sticks and the TT (and the wife's MX-5) just won't fit the family in for high days and holidays or transport the lads around their week-end sporting activities ............ and, frankly, I refuse to be seen dead in any so called people carrier ............ even if it did immediately transform my obviously wizzen dick to porno stud dimensions!!
> 
> By the way - the answer to why us planet killing 4x4 owners drive like complete cnuts is ............................... because we can hahahahahaha


Get your cheque book out...........details below of your dream machine.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Rover The Top
New Range Rover 'Coupe' Has 500 bhp And Diamond Dials

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hopefully Wayne Rooney has got room in his garage for one more car because this will be right up his street.

If your average Range Rover with big wheels, bling, gold, mink interior, etc, etc isnâ€™t showy enough then how about a three-door Range Rover Sport â€˜Coupeâ€™.

Weâ€™ve got our hands on a sneak preview of what the car will look like, but put away your credit cards because the finished article wonâ€™t be ready until late spring 2008.

It will be limited to 100 cars worldwide and is likely to cost over Â£100,000.

Every panel will be new and made of carbon fibre, there will be a panoramic glass roof and LED lights all round.

Still not bling enough? Diamonds can be put into the dials at every ten mph if you like.

The engine can be made to produce over 500bhp and the cars will be supplied via select Land Rover Dealerships, said its creators at LSE design.

Coming soon to a high street near youâ€¦


----------



## rustyintegrale (Oct 1, 2006)

Molehall said:


> New Range Rover 'Coupe' Has 500 bhp And Diamond Dials


Oh my God - the ultimate Wankermobile...


----------



## andyc83 (Jun 19, 2007)

Molehall said:


> PS Incidentally you've got it all wrong, because they don't behave like that anyway.


That's true actually, they tend to drive small-ish, sensible cars and keep their heads down. Those who have, don't feel the need to shout about it. Those who recently became rich (by whatever means), feel the need to show off how well they've done in life/business/sports/drug dealing!

I object to these nouveau riche twats who drive Chelsea tractors.


----------



## garvin (May 7, 2002)

Molehall said:


> garvin said:
> 
> 
> > Molehall said:
> ...


Aping the upper classes ............... the upper classes are apes ....... and don't believe they have money any more - that's the main reason they now drive around in sheds!! As for behaviour, have you ever been to a 'debs' party ......... nuff said!!


----------



## Molehall (Jan 8, 2003)

garvin said:


> As for behaviour, have you ever been to a 'debs' party ......... nuff said!!


Where have you been?

"Coming-out parties" (that's before being presented at Court rather than explaining one's sexual preferences) stopped several decades ago.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## BreTT (Oct 30, 2002)

Interesting observations from a man who drives a rebodied 4-wheel drive Golf instead of a proper rear wheel drive sportscar... :roll:


----------



## garvin (May 7, 2002)

Molehall said:


> garvin said:
> 
> 
> > As for behaviour, have you ever been to a 'debs' party ......... nuff said!!
> ...


Where have I been .............. I've been partying, of course ................. but vodka and coke has a completely different meaning nowadays!!

So they stopped several decades ago did they ............ hmmmm, the presenting at Court may have stopped several centuries ago, presenting at court does continue :wink: Just because you're not invited old bean doesn't mean that the parties have stopped, they're just the preserve of the 'super rich' these days ......... not to be confused with upper classes, although they're still invited ............ just to add that touch of credibility dontcha know!!


----------



## garyc (May 7, 2002)

HighTT said:


> One of the grass verged country lanes into our village is too narrow for two cars to pass and what usually happens is that both cars compromise
> by putting their N/S wheels onto the grass as they slowly pass each other;
> if I see a 4x4 coming the other way I just stop completely on the tarmac and make the 4x4 get off road :lol: .


In one. this is absolutely the most sucessful strategy for dealing with wide-car-small-brain-syndrome SUVs who drive right at you.

Just stop in good time, right in middle of road, so there is absolutely no chance of them getting through without them also stopping and moving left themselves.

It really gets on their false tits too. :lol:


----------



## Molehall (Jan 8, 2003)

http://newsbiscuit.com/article/sports-c ... penis-size

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

SUV drivers may think that they've escaped this bit of legislation, but I have it on good authority that there'll be an addendum covering SUV driver's todger size added to the law.


----------



## garyc (May 7, 2002)

:lol: V funny.


----------



## FinFerNan (Feb 28, 2007)

garyc said:


> It really gets on their false tits too. :lol:


 :lol: :lol: That made I larrf that did.


----------

